Thread: Moonlit's Dream journal

In this dream, I was 9 and was away at a music camp that I attended in my youth. The camp took place in a meadow instead of in the mountains. Every was going well until the the hour before the campfire on the 4th night. Everyone was making preparations for this campfire. Now in my dream, the 4th night camp fire was a very big deal. It was this "great", highly respected, and mysterious old tradition that took place every year.
It consisted of the following:
1) all the campers were locked inside the dinning hall
2) meanwhile, all the camp staff would set the meadow on fire. Actually, they would encircle the dinning hall in a ring of fire.
3) and then they would just let it burn for an hour. (the flames would inevitably get closer and closer to the building...)
4) the campers could either stay inside and watch the flames in awe or they could go outside and frolic through the flames just for fun.

And everyone at camp thought that this activity would be fun, exciting and perfectly safe. Everyone except for me. I wanted out. When I found out what was going on, I was horrified and couldn't believe my ears. But everyone else thought I was insane and cowardly for not wanting to participate. I thought everyone else was insane, but I was the only one who felt this way. I felt compassion for my fellow campers because they were my friends, who were just naive and innocent. But I was upset by the camp staff for doing this. The adults at camp tried to convince me that the fire was harmless, but I didn't believe a word they said. I tried to talk my way out of participating but that didn't work because the campfire was a required activity. I started to beg. Then I found out that I could only escape under one condition, If I was allowed to escape then some dreadful life-long curse would be set on me. I forgot what the curse was but it bad enough to make me consider staying. I was actually torn between the 2 choices. In my indecisiveness, I was too late and was forced to stay...

All I remember after that was that I crawled into a corner of the dinning hall and buried my hands in my face and kept my eyes shut. And the room started to get hotter and hotter and I started to suffocate and sweat. (everyone else was not affected by the flames and seemed perfectly fine).

~the end~



And at that point, I woke up with a fever

Me and my parents were returning from some chamber performance that had a lot of improv in it. It was far from home and we were returning very late at night. Everything was dark; the streetlights were broken all over an candlelight lit the way all the way home. With the mist outside, it was very pretty and mysterious, but to be honest fear and dread filled both my heart and mind.

I just found out that mom and dad would be away for a month and that and I would have to stay with a family friend for a month. I also realized that I had forgotten one of my favorite new books at home and I wasn't allowed to return to go get it even though we lived very near by. I anticipated a night of boredom and dread.

I viewed this family friend as somewhat of a snobbish person; perfectionistic and critical of everything I did. (in real life as well)

The next thing I remember was I was at her house having dinner. Dinner was light but good. I had to eat alone, and standing up in the dark green kitchen only lit by one candle stick. I forgot why I had to eat like this but I did. When I asked about dessert, she said there's strawberry and chocolate ice cream in the fridge, but that I could only have a little because she thought I was too greedy and fat. (in this dream I was rather tall and lanky though). But nevertheless, I obeyed her and only had a little strawberry ice cream. But the ice cream was so delicious that I just had to have more. This was the most amazing ice cream. It was light, fluffy and doughy much like mochi ice-cream, but it combined the cool smooth creamy taste of typical American ice-cream. I had a bit more, but then 'she' came in to attack me.

Not only was I scolded for eating too much, but because when I scooped my ice cream out, the ice cream on the top was not perfectly flat and even. She told me how terrible I was for lacking 'obvious' social graces. She slapped me in the face really hard and although it didn't bleed, it turned bright red and I was numb and started to cry. I also had to fix this 'terrible' social disgrace with her over my shoulder. I remember that the doughy ice cream formed a big bubble over the top of the carton and I had to punch it down and smooth it out. It took forever to get perfectly smooth.

Then I went to bed. The room was very icy and I was chilly despite the warm red flannel blankets stuffed with down. I couldn't sleep because of the cold and because of my face, and because I was afraid.

So I draped a flannel blanket over my shoulders and tiptoed outside to wander.
As soon as I reached the porch the trees started to grow right before my eyes. They grew to enormous sizes. (if any of you have seen the Nutcracker, just think of the scene where the christmas tree and the grandfather clock grew; it was just like that). Before, this house was in the suburbs with some nature and a few tame trees. Now it had grown into a thick dark Forrest. I started to wander. I ran into a hybrid creature (half-wolf, half bear). He didn't hurt me but he looked dangerous and he was following me and stalking me. It was really creepy and I was very scared. I started to run, and so did he. I zig-zagged through the trees and finally lost him, and managed to get lost myself. But then I heard a large group of hunters (a big bunch of macho stupid brutes) who was searching for the creature and they had a cruel plan to torture him and eventually kill him. Although I was glad to be away from the creature, I felt the cruelty was so wrong and I desired to stop it. Instead of doing anything I turned totally cowardly and ran as fast as I could to the north. I knew my real home was in that direction and right around the corner.

Then I woke up. Never got there, but I knew it was very close.

This dream started off with me riding home from a teaching job on a bus. As I was boarding, the bus driver crashed into a parked car. I was still standing on the stairs waiting to pay my fee when the bus crashed. My head crashed into the hand-rail. Though my body was not badly harmed, my mind was a little messed up. After the crash, I had lost the ability to make decisions and I lost part of my memory... everything concerning relationships was gone...

The bus continued since no one else was really injured. But the driver had to pull over at the next major stop and everyone had to get out and wait for the next bus and the driver had to be questioned and take care of legal matters and what not. The next stop was the place where my dad worked.

On the way there the bus driver was mumbling and whining and complaining how that parked car really was at fault and how she was so innocent and whatnot. It was hard to understand what she was saying because it was all so fast and soft and hard to understand. She kind of scared me because the way in which she was mumbling it was kind of psychotic. She was also really annoying because she had a sugary sweet, overly girly voice.

I was just standing there listening to her. There were empty seats but I couldn't decide if whether I wanted to sit down or not.
My basic logical and intuitive abilities were all there so I could understand what was going on around me.

When we got to the stop, I got out (because everyone else was doing it) and she got questioned by the police.

I had to decide whether to wait for the next bus (which came at 2:30) or to call my folks. I couldn't even make that simple derision until my mom called me because she was worried. She finally decided to pick me up. I waited forever and then grabbed my huge luggage bag out of a locker near the front of my dad's work. (I don't know where the heck that came from, because it wasn't with me when I got on the bus and I don't know how it got there, but it was mine and it was heavy and cumbersome to lug around.

Then there was a gap in the dream.

Then a few days later I was supposed to meet this random guy that I never met before. (Remember, my past and present relationships were gone as far as my memory was concerned.) I was at home and he was late, and I had a hard time deciding on a lot of things, including whether I should go or not.
I ended up driving to this random residential neighborhood. But I was driving from the back seat and I really don't know how I did that or how I got there.

I was sitting there waiting and out of nowhere, the person jumps in the back seat puts his arm around me and starts driving. Then he starts admiring and flirting with me in a way that is very flattering and attractive and it made me feel really good. But something didn't feel right, but I couldn't put my finger about that and I felt a twinge of guilt. *Remember, I had lost all my memory of my past and current attachments and relationships, so that was why I couldn't put my finger on it* But even with that, it was weird that I felt guilt despite the fact that that part of my memory was gone. Maybe my guilt and my feelings weren't something that's exclusively in the head, but its part of the rest of my being. It might have not been direct guilt, but maybe it was a guilt for not feeling the guilt that was supposed to be there.

Anyways, that continued. And I was still somewhat puzzled about everything and how people were able to drive from the back-seat. But then I had the feeling we were going the wrong way (heading north). I had a gut feeling about this and I thought about telling him that. After a fit of indecisiveness, I finally told him that we were going the wrong way and we needed to turn around as soon as possible. We got in an argument and finally he turned around. We also got out of the car and switched seats.

(at this point, I got out of bed and decided to lay down again with my head facing the other way. I was completely aware of what I was doing in both dream world and reality.)

After the turn around, I was driving. We stopped at a horse stable and rode black horses.

Then we kept driving, and we passed 3 schools in a row.

Then my dream ended.

In this dream it was November 1st, the night after Halloween. (I looked around the same age as I am in waking life.) It was night time and the moon was bright red and looked as if it was on fire, i could see it's reflection in the water. Bright colored leaves were falling to the ground in fast motion, and turning dead and brown by the time they reached it.
I was drowning in a deep pool of tears, trying to save a friend from drowning herself. I saved her but died myself. My spirit was reincarnated into air (and I could see what was happening with those close to me) though my body remained underground in the grave where there were scorpions and insects crawling all over my dead body.

Then a bit later in the dream it was Springtime and the world was abloom and laughing and dancing with glee. Everyone who was meaningful in my life was lined up by my grave. One by one, they knocked on the tombstone. They didn't come to mourn, they all came to tell me about this new person. They all told me that I made a nice effort but there was this amazing new person that made They all described this beautiful, sexy, wise, compassionate, fascinating, talented 37 year-old who was everything I was or wanted to be way more successful at it. She was living out all my hidden unreached dreams and was making a meaningful impact in the world, and closely touching the lives of all the people who were once in my life. One person ever brought a picture of her and taped it to my tombstone. I looked into her eyes and saw a striking resemblance. She looked like me. (but only more beautiful).
They told told me how pathetic and pointless I was and how I had wasted my life and had no impact on the world and they openly compared me to that 37-year-old and constantly praised her.


************************************************** ********************************
When I woke up I was shivering and felt utterly meaningless and a bit jealous. This was one of those dreams that hit me really hard and has haunted me for the last few days.

I first took the dream as a sign that I was fearful of living a life without meaning, not being good enough, never being able to living up to my dreams and constantly being compared.

Later I thought some more and was focusing on the reincarnation symbolism. It suddenly hit me that this 'dream girl' looked like me. So maybe this dream meant death to my old self and that I was just seeing the rebirth of my new self and all the things that I could become from the point of view of my old self.

It totally turned things around!

I had 3 dreams in one night this night...this is the first one.

In the first one I was very sick (it was a major sickness, not just a fever or an upset stomach or a cold). I was enrolled in this ballet class in some arts program and I got sick the day of this big performance. Though I missed the dress rehearsal I managed to make it to the performance and dance in-spite of it all. I was portraying falling a snowflake through my dance and was able to heal myself physically and I just got lost in the dance. It would probably be described as a flow experience.
One of the symptoms of my sickness was a fever and in the dance I started to become colder and colder and was starting to transform into a snowflake as my dance captured the grace of a snowflake falling. I'm not sure if it was an actually metamorphosis or just me getting really into the flow. But to me it felt like I was transforming.

I was searching for a roommate. In the particular city we wanted to live in, all the offers in the nice part of town weren't as good as they first seemed so I moved on. I worked my way to the poorest part of town and came across this large rundown place with 7 roommates. I ended up taking that offer and they turned out to be really awesome people. All of them were basically compassionate hippies/activists. We all dreamed of saving the world in our own way, but together, as collaborators. I felt very at home here and I even got my own room. The place was rundown and a little dirty but radiated with warmth. I even got my own room but I hardly spent much time there.
Then one day I was going out to get some groceries and I took the long way back to the house and discovered this giant TV screen (at least 5Xs as tall as me) out back. I found all the cords were leading to our place and then I found that we were actually some thing that was a combination of reality show and the SIMS (maybe we were a reality TV show and there was a Sims version, but maybe it was combined in some way)and that people found us amusing (kinda in a sick way...). They were doing a preview of the next season and I found out that we were going to some kind of political protest, and that I get shot and become a paraplegic. I was so scared. I just went back to the place, put the groceries away and went to my room and cried and couldn't speak a word to anyone else yet. I felt mad too because the producer of this show actually planned the shooting and put it in there for viewer amusement.. Our lives were merely entertainment for some people even though we deeply believed in our causes and it was so much more than entertainment to us.

There were tons of bubbles floating through the air and in each bubble there was an aspect of me floating up and away. The stuff inside the bubbles were abstract; things like memories, dreams, wishes, emotions and fears. But it was all separated. I had a calm feeling about all of this and my state of mind was very clear as I saw it all float before me. The bubbles were all floating towards the sun. In the dream I heard voices about how the bubbles would just pop anyways and I should try to catch them before they popped in mid air. But soon the soap film turned to this very light glass of the same weight and they could never be popped but they were light enough to continue floating.