Thread: jake's journal

yes so this dream was from a couple nights back but it's just burdening my mind for a while now... so i must get it out of my thoughts and into my journal (reference to shitty song by billy ocean). ok so yeah i'm on a battleship floating down a very dark river somewhere in europe. all the men on the ship are from different american wars... there's revolution soldiers there, civil wars soldiers, wwI + II, korea, vietnam, grenada, iraq... there's a variety of uniforms to say the least. well i occupy myself with talking to a confederate soldier that i found wandering in the kitchen. this is where the dream turns extremely grotesque. the battleship comes under fire. for no apparent reason the soldier with whom i was talking exploded and a mist of blood covered the room. i ran to the front of the ship. soldiers were sitting balled up in doorways crying and vomiting on themselves. the carnage is unbelievable. every couple of seconds the boat is rocked by a blast, and with every blast someone explodes. i get to the front of the ship, but i'm still inside of it. there's a general looking man standing and looking out of the front window of this never-before-seen battleship. he looks back at me and calls me a soldier. i tell him that i'm not a soldier but he argues with me. he starts to pull out a pistol to kill me for disagreeing with him when some sort of blade flies through the window and decapitates him. this snaps some lucidity into me. i jump out of the window and see a train running parallel to us on the river bank. i fly at the train and try to derail it but it seems to be an unstoppable force. i jump onto the train and the soldiers look very odd. some are german soldiers but most of them look like fat angry politicians. i start smiting people by touching their heads with my hand. once i'm almost finished with the crew the trane tracks make a sharp left (90 degree almost). i try to jump off the train but it picks up speed, so much that i'm scared to jump. i run to the back of the train and as i reach the back, the battleship starts firing on the train. the back car is hit and i'm thrown into some convention center where there's a race of around 10000 people... they're just running around the center.... no rhyme or reason. i stand in the middle, then i look up just in time to see the center collapse due to cannon fire from the battleship that sent me there.

weird.

sorry for the misspellings but i'm in a rush.

Get outta my dreams and into my car baby!

i remember hitching rides down to tucson from flagstaff. i don’t remember why i’m hitching rides but ‘i know’ there’s a reason. i don’t remember entering tucson but i remember entering my neighborhood. i got dropped off around hardy and northern and i start to walk to the house. when i reach fairhaven my perspective spins away from me and flies to the front of some decrepit convenience store. there’s trash blowing and sticking to the store front. the parking lot is just dirt and not well lit at all. my perspective cuts back to my body. i’m standing in front of my house. my house looks a lot like the convenience store. it’s the same structurally as it has always been but the landscaping is all dust, the trees are all dead, the windows are all broken… i look around the neighborhood and it’s the same deal with every house around me. the door is ajar and i just walk into the house. the air seems heavier in the house. i remember there being a weird musk that i can’t recall now. i walk into my old room and find it covered in dust. i put down a back pack and go to my sister’s room… hers is covered in dust too. for some reason i don’t react to it. i think that i expected her to be gone. i go through the kitchen. there’s nothing in the cupboards or the refrigerator. i go into the family room. it looks like the only room that hasn’t changed in the house. my parents are in there glued to the television. they’re watching some reality show where old custom cars are being rebuilt. i try to start conversation but they wont turn away from the television. i get frustrated. i walk out to the front yard and look for a cigarette to smoke. i find a pack in my front pocket but it’s crushed and all the cigarettes are broken. i put the pack back in my pocket. as i turn around my parents come storming out of the house. they slide open the side doors of the van and get in. i assume that they want me to drive since they’re sitting in the back seat of the van. i get into the drivers seat but everything’s dead. the steering wheel is locked and all the dials are dim. the car starts and i get nervous. the headlights turn on and i feel completely helpless. i look back and see my dad sitting there with a steering wheel in his hand. it has no connection and he pretends, like a little kid, to put the car into reverse and look over his shoulder as he backs up. the car moves, not much to my amazement (i’m starting to get faint consciousness). he drives to the convenience store that i saw at the beginning of the dream. we all go inside and look around. my dad brings an 18 pack of ‘ice house’ beer to the counter. i look at him with disapproval (jokingly). i say with a facetious tone, “that’s not the man that raised me! here, take this.” and i throw a gallon milk jug that says fat tire on the counter. he looks at me and with the most serious face and in the most serious tone i’ve ever seen or heard from him he tells me that we can’t afford it. this was really intense and it makes my mind perk up a bit. i start to realize that it’s a dream but i don’t make a full realization. my brain is still on auto-pilot but i know it’s on auto-pilot (if that makes any sense). dad pays for the ‘ice house’ and leaves the store, i look at the person working then say, “i’ll just put this back then.” i grab the jug and just walk out the door with it. i look back and the attendant is calling the cops. i jump into the van and my mom tells me not to worry because the cops never come to this side of town anyway. my dad is driving using the unattached steering wheel and the invisible gas pedals again. i remember going down oracle and he keeps swerving and i urge him to give me control but he’s offended by my suggestion. we drive through south tucson (i can’t recall any street names, i just know it’s south tucson). all the homes are being rebuilt. at every corner there’s a new subdivision under construction. all the homes in the subdivisions are huge. all have very detailed design, but all of them have the same detail. they all have different layouts, but the detail is the same for each sub-division. i remember seeing one sub-division with brown cobble-stone driveways and each house had a single ocotillo outside that was in colored gravel. all the houses had stone columns supporting the porches and the top of every wall would taper back 3 feet to make it seem like the walls of the houses were 3 feet thick. we stop in a parking lot and my parents lead me into a restaurant. we wait in line for a while and i remember seeing a lot of familiar people, they all seemed to look at me with dismay. they never said hello, they just gave me grim looks. we finally get to the front of the line and a waiter takes us through the restaurant. i tell my parents that i’m going to go smoke. i’m leaving the restaurant when a guy stops me. he looks a lot like ted kinney. he asks me if i’m going for a walk. i tell him that i am. he seems content with the answer and keeps walking. i turn and i feel something between my legs. it’s my pillow. i snap into lucidity. i can feel my body lying in my bed and i can feel a pillow wedged between my legs. i reenter the dream outside the restaurant. i pull out my once crushed box of cigarettes. i examine the cigarettes one at a time, breaking them when i finish examining them. i turn around and see my uncle mark sitting in the window staring at me. he shakes his head in disapproval. then i look down at the cigarettes and realize why he disapproved. i throw the cigarette box to the ground and walk through the parking lot. i find the van. i don’t choose to take any of the other cars in the parking lot, rather i want to take the van and drive it the way it was meant to be driven. i get in and reach down to start it… there’s a key already there. i start it and the whole instrument panel lights up. i turn on the head lights and pull out onto the road. i step hard on the gas and i remember chanting to myself, “this is the most powerful car in the world…this is the most powerful car in the world.” the car slowly picks up speed and things begin to blur. i saw buildings blur, then the horizon go gradually from flat to round, then i look to the side and see the ground moving away from me, then i see the blur start to slow down and finally i see that i’m in space. i just become afraid of opening the door and stepping out. i know it’s a dream though but i’m afraid that something bad will happen if i leave the car. i force myself awake.

reoccurring dream.

i'm lying in the back of a yellow pick-up truck. i sit up and it's my dad's old 1973 ford (i love[d] this truck). i look around me and there are water buffalo everywhere. absolutely everywhere. my perspective pans out and i see that it's water buffalo stretching all the way to the horizon. there's a white truck next to me in this massive buffalo herd. it's a newer model chevey and it had the built in tool boxes on the back. there's two aussie looking fellows inside. they're all decked out with safari clothes. i look at my hands and there's a rifle in them. i look around through the herd and i see a pride of lions moving through it. i recognize them as friendly for some reason. the lions come close to the cars and start to lounge under a tree. one of the aussie fellas starts to get edgy. he gets out of his truck and starts to pace around. the lions are looking at him with intense eyes. finally he pulls out a black revolver and points it to his temple. he's screaming stuff like, "i can't take it anymore! i can't take this stupid crap! i don't care if they hear me! i can't take it!" the lions look upset and nervous... the water buffalo start to get skittish. like they know a predator is here. i stand up in the back of my truck and yell at the man. i yell, "if you do that you're going to get us all killed! right now we can drive 50 miles in any direction without being caught! do you want to ruin that? because you're going to fucking ruin it you selfish bastard!" he starts to cry. i jump down and grab the pistol from him. i throw it to the lions and one of them eats it. the man lies down in the back of his truck. i talk to the driver of the white chevy and he says we need gas. i don't know where from but i find a gas pump. i fill up the trucks. i remember that i have to keep asking him if unleaded is ok. and every time i ask him he sounds uncertain but always answers yes. i never believe him that unleaded was actually ok. i don't know why. i get into the yellow ford and tell them that i'll be right back. i drive through the water buffalo, sure not to tap one. it's dark out now and they're all sleeping. i come out of some trees and hit a asphalt road. the road is wavy and i can feel the car drifting a little bit. i have to keep correcting it but every time i do it gets a little more out of control. finally i hit the breaks in an attempt to slow down but all it does is send the truck into a slide and ultimately a frenzied tumble down the road. ya... so i'm there in the cab of the truck geting thrown like a rag doll and all i can think is, "damnit, my parents are going to kill me! i did it again! i'm so selfish!" this is when i hear a extremely loud screeching noise and see that i'm about to slide into a passing train. the noise wakes me up.

1st dream: i'm in the house. all the lights are dim. i go around to all the switches and try to adjust them but the switches aren't on the walls. i find my way to the living room. i see three bodies on the couch. i sit down in a chair across from the couch and the darkness lightly lifts. i can now see the people sitting across from me. on the left is my sister, in the middle is adrian and on the right is erin. my sister is talking to adrian like she knows him well. adrian is looking sort of drunk. he tries to put his hand on my sister's shoulder but misses her completely. and then there's erin. she's silent and staring at me with those intense eyes that make me melt. our eyes lock for a long time as the conversations between adrian and my sister continue. the talking goes and goes until they both fall silent. erin cracks a smile and looks aver at them. she says something like, "amazing, just like i told you." i feel embarrassed. i don't want her sharing that sort of stuff with them. adrian makes some sort of joke, my sister laughs and puts her arms around him. my eyes move over to erin again. we spend the rest of the dream staring at each other.

2nd dream: i'm back in flagstaff. i'm in some new dorm that they built while i was gone. kara is there. she runs up to me and kisses me. she says that she wants me. i tell her that she can live with me in my room. i lead her through the dorm to the very top floor. i open the door and the room is a giant bed. the room looks a lot like my parent's room for some reason. she jumps on the bed and tumbles around in the covers. i lay down beside her. i look off to the left and there's a giant window. it's dark outside. kara rolls ontop of me and looks into my eyes. her eyes remind me of erin. for some reason i feel like i've lost erin and that's why i'm with kara. i don't know where this feeling comes from. kara starts kissing my face as i sit there with my eyes closed. i can feel her lips touching me. it reminds me of erin. everything kara does reminds me of erin. kara seems happy. a bunch of people come into our room. they're all familiar people from nau. becca pulls me to the side and kisses me. i'm shocked but i don't stop her for a while. after a bit i push her away and tell her that i'm seeing kara. she says that it's fine with her. i say that i have to check with kara. i find kara in all the people (they're all laying on the bed) and try to talk to her but she's getting too distracted. finally i get frustrated and tell everyone to leave. kara and becca remain. i try to talk to kara but becca keeps kissing my neck. finally she pulls me down to the bed and starts taking off my clothes. kara lays down next to us and looks in my eyes. kara then suggests that i forget about becca and take on chelsea. kara then does some lines of coke (no warning, just pulls it out and snorts), she then lights up a cigarette. i get frustrated. i push becca off and grab kara. i tell her that i'm going to take her outside from some fresh air. we get outside and there's a huge grass field. there are a bunch of gangster looking guys sitting in little circles in the grass. tylor walks by and tosses a tennis ball at me. i grab it with one hand and throw it back at him. all the gangster looking fellas jump up and join in. we're throwing the ball at one-another as hard as we can. the ball stings as it hits my hand. i throw it at tylor but he screws up in grabbing it, he knocks the ball sky high. everyone mashes to try and be under the ball when it falls. i jump just as the ball comes down and i grab it. they all tackle me. they aren't grabbing for the ball. they're hitting me in the ribs as we fall. i scream... my scream comes out like a roar. i curse at them in a monstrous voice. they all back off. i throw the ball to tyler and grab kara as i escort her in. everyone clears a path for us. we get inside and becca's there. she has a plate of tacos. i have one. then mallory walks in from outside. i haven't seen or talked to mallory for 3 years. she walks in, sees me, and gives me a huge hug. we talk about something, i can't remember. then she starts talking to becca and i don't remember why but the conversation turns to something really depressing... something like their mutual friend is in the hospital with cancer, i don't remember. i see kara off in the corner do another line of coke. i miss erin. i hate flagstaff. i wake up.

i'm in my parents house. vinny from the gallery is there. i don't
remember what he's doing but i know it fills me with tons of anger.
i tell him to leave and push him out the door when he turns
and takes a swing at me. this is were i beat him. sad story though,
vinny dies from his beating. i'm trying to hide the body and i'm
getting really stressed while doing it. finally i think i burry the
body in the driveway. but i leave his hand sticking up on purpose. i
don't know why. well the cops show up and start questioning me, i fess
up. i show them the hand. i tell them the story. it's a huge relief.
they call me a hero. they start talking about i did something great.
they ask me if i want it to go public with it. i tell them no. i go
back into the house and my mom is there, she's on the phone and all i
hear is, "yeah, he's here now." well i ask her what it was about and
she said that she just got off the phone with opera and that i have to
give her an interview. i flip the fuck out (notice wording; 'flipping
the fuck out' is much different than your average 'flipping out'). ok
so i go outside and a white car pulls up. opera rushes out with a
microphone in her hand. i tell her to get the hell away from me. many
cars pull out, all with reporters in them. they all run out at me. i
start screaming and i then proceed to flip the fuck out again. i start
yelling back at my mom, cursing her. finally i just sit down on my
bronco (which is there for some reason). i calm myself down and think.
i close my eyes and put my head down. i realize that i'm dreaming and
i realize that i shouldn't let these people annoy me. i open my eyes
and look up, all the reporters are gone. i walk into the house and
make my way to my parents room. i open the door and my mom is standing
there with a noose around her neck, she jumps off the bed. i run to
her and hold her up. i lift her through her noose and bring her down.
she starts crying and i'm still frightened. i take the noose away and
leave the house. i can feel my heart racing in my physical body. this
distracts me from the dream and i wake up.

i'm in a field. the grass is dead and waist high. i can feel the tips of the blades flicking against my forearms as i wander about. the wind makes waves in my sea of brown. i see a flash of something in the grass. i know that it's a lion (i had long ago formed an alliance with the gorillas in my dreams... now i fight the lions). i start making my way to some trees in the distance. i'm starting to feel frantic. i can feel my body getting warm. i try to shake it off while i start to run... i can't loose it. i'm frantic. i'm afraid. i reach the trees. they're dead and low. i get lost in them. there's smoke where leafs should be. i loose my sense of direction. i want to get back to my field. i want to see the sky. i sense the lions around me. i don't see or hear them though. i want to go home. i'm getting hotter and i can't get rid of the feeling. i'm getting too uncomfortable to stay asleep. i wake up and i'm sweating. i turn the fan on and go back to sleep.

fucking lions.

best. dream. ever.

i'm sitting in my (long since sold) bronco in front of my (long since lived in) house. the streets are flooded from rain. a boat pulls up to my house and this gorgeous girl waves over the side and asks me to come aboard. she throws down a rope ladder and i make my way up the side. once i get inside i see that it's just a big empty wooden ship. empty except for the two drop dead gorgeous gals on board. one's blonde and the other is dirty blonde. i don't know how else to describe them. well they explain to me that they're starting up their own pirate ship and they need a captain (score.). hokay so i humbly agree to take charge of this sexy pirate ship. now the ship is about the size of a bus and and it's just wood. there's one mast in the middle and that's it. well i raise the sail and we start moving down the road. soon the road opens into an ocean. i see a small island in the distance. the boat heads that way. i look on the island and it's johnny depp. not johnny depp in pirate gear... but just normal johnny. we pull aside him and i toss the rope ladder out to him. he climbs aboard and i swiftly allocate the blonde to him. now with johnny depp as my first mate and two wenches to do our... dirty work... we head out. we arrive at this dirty little town. the towns roads are all flooded so that makes traveling easy. all the people are dirty and unattractive. i leave johnny and the blonde on the ship while the dirty blonde and myself go out in search of proper pirate weapons. we find a dirty, dark little pawn shop at the end of this road/river. i go inside and talk to the owner. i tell him that i'm looking for some pistolas. he pulls out a briefcase of hand guns. he keeps showing me these really weird guns. one specific i remember is that most of them didn't have any way of aiming them... other than just pointing in the general direction. there was a dummy at one end of the shop and i would shoot at it to test the guns. pretty much all of the guns misfired half the time. well i eventually found one that never misfired. it was this antique looking six shooter. the barrel had to have been a foot long. i turn around and leave. now the wench and i make our way back to the ship. every business on the road/river was either a bar or a theater. the wench and i step into a theater and start watching one of the shows. all the people in the seats look pathetic. they're all slouching and sad and dark. the people performing are all kids. they're pretending to be musicians. there was a johnny cash and june carter duet... things like that. we decide to leave. once we get back to the ship the pawn shop guy comes running towards us shouting "thieves!" my gal goes up the rope ladder while i spin around a pull my pistola out of my belt. i shoot up the ground in front of him. he stops in his tracks and stares at me. all the theaters and bars empty to watch us sail off. we make our way back out to open water. after some fooling around with the wench i peek over the side of the ship to see an even bigger ship about to hit us head on. i yank the sail and make us swerve out of the way. the other ship looks like a giant wooden air craft carrier (it's big). well once we get past these ugly looking bastards start shooting arrows at us from the back of their ship. i have to get on the back of our ship and catch them before they hit us. some of the arrows are the size of spears and it starts to get intense. after they get too far away to shoot at us i turn around and see that we're about to hit this giant island. i pull the sail down and gather some of the spear sized arrows. i jump off the ship and tell my shipmates to wait at the ship while i climb to the top of the island. i start running up a path and eventually i find natives coming down the path. they're all pale and have these long pointed noses. they all move extremely slow. they're all trying to stop me from reaching the top of the island but they can't catch me. a couple soldier natives are blocking the path up ahead so i spear them while running. after lots of running and spearing i eventually get to the top of the island. at the top there's a well and i can see tons of gold at the bottom. i shout from the top of the island "i got the booty!" i start looking around and i soon realize that there's no way for me to retrieve my booty from the well. i look down the path and i have an entire civilization moving towards me... very slowly. i wake up because the cat is meowing.

fucking cats.

okay so the dream starts out at my old high school, or a near variation of it. i have my old bronco but around me are people that i've become friends with since high school. one of the people is a gal by the name of jessi whom i just found out is pregnant with twins (in real life). well she is also pregant in the dream and apparently i'm the father. well i spend the dream trying to figure out who the real dad is. i'm running around the school looking for someone tosay he slept with jessi. the strange part is that jessi and i never fooled around. the even stranger part is that i haven't seen nor spoken with her in a little over a year. strange how people squeeze their way into your head.

ohh and i had a lucid dream. i pretended to be indiana jones. it effing rocked. whipping things and shooting things and punching lions. a little note for the kids out there... dream whips are dangerous... you don't know what their going the do... so be careful and whip responsibly.

k thanks bye

i'm looking for a house in tucson for some reason. there's a girl in the car with me. i don't know who she is... all i remember is that she's blonde. she's showing me what roads to take. we find a neighborhood with really steep hills. i park and we get out. we start walking up one of the hills until we find a home with a for sale sign outside of it. the house is small and burried in the hillside. it's surrounded by trees so you can barely see it from the road. we go inside and look around. the walls are made of brown adobe. the view from the backyard is amazing. we hop the fence and start walking through the desert. we find another house hidden away in a wash. this one is a lot bigger than the other. its very open inside and i can remember the tiles were cold on my feet. (i don't know what i wasn't wearing shoes). the girl really wants this house... i wake up.

i'm driving around this little town, it reminds me of st. david, arizona. i look to the right and see people and cars gathered in a driveway. i pull in and the driveway is just deep mud. all the people i saw were stuck. i put my truck in four-wheel drive and creep my way around all the people. i get up to the house and get out. i start walking around the house. in the back are stables and theres a beautiful woman riding a horse. she asks if i want a job. i accept. she tells me that the secret to getting a strong horse is to catch them in the wild. she wants me to catch horses for her ranch. i blink and we're on horse back looking over a huge valley. i get the feeling that we're the only two people on the earth. there are huge boulders scattered in the valley. the ground is red like sedona. halfway down the valley is a little house. it's a simple one bedroom thing. we get off our horses and go inside. she lays out my job for me. i'm supposed to round up wild horses and pen them in a corral that's a couple miles down the canyon. she says that i have to be careful of mountain lions because they'll eat anything that's stuck in the corral. she gives me a pistol and a rifle. we go back outside and she leads me to the corral on foot. we walk around it and inspect it. she tells me that there's a back-up rifle hidden in the corral. we walk back to the house. she saddles up and rides away. i get up on a boulder and look around the valley. i wake up.

i'm at a mix of all my former schools. the school looks like my highschool but there's giant pine trees everywhere... and it's in the middle of a giant city. everyone i know is wearing shirts that i apparently gave them at one point. some of the shirts look worn in and comfortable and some look new and stiff. i'm riding a bicycle with bad brakes. through the streets.

***

i'm on a pirate ship. i'm in a lake. i decide to ram the shore but i can't seem to get enough wind. i dive into the lake. the water is clear. i swim to the shore and find a group of people. i recognize them but i don't know who they are. they're trying to skip stones on the water but they can't... once the rocks hit the water they sink. i walk away.

i'm in a boxing ring looking at the guy that i'm about to fight. i get a powerful deja vu. i remember fighting him beofre. then it hits me. i've had this dream before. last time i fought him i beat him to death. now i'm wondering why i'm fighting him again. the bell sounds and i go right at him. he's slow like before. i have no problem landing all of my punches. his face is starting to get bloody. his nose is broken and his eyes are swollen. but he keeps getting up. we go through several rounds and i can't figure why he's still alive. he won't stay down. finally i step aside and just stare at him. he can barely stand. the blood is spashing to the ground from his mouth. the bell sounds the end of the fight. he puts his hands over his head and runs around the ring. bastard.

some dirty dreams last night too. none for you.

JESUS HUN, YOUR DREAMS ARE LONG, BUT INTERESTING. KEEP IT UP!

LOVE SPIRIT X X X

i'm walking along some railroad tracks. i'm in the middle of nowhere. i walk for a long time with nothing happening. suddenly the scenery turns from the middle of nowhere to the middle of chicago. a train comes rushing by and everything starts shaking. for some reason the tracks run straight down upper wacker drive. i go down to lower wacker and everything gets dark. there's trash all over the place. i find a drity looking bar and i walk in. i see becca sitting at a table so i go to talk to her. she starts putting her hands all over me and tells me she wants to get nasty right here in the bar. i restrain myself for the time being and lead her out of the bar and back to upper wacker. a train rolls by kind of slow. i jump on the train and pull becca on with me. we find a private room and do stuff. when we're done i look out the window and see at i'm out in the middle of nowhere again. i give becca a kiss and jump off the back of the train. i start walking next to the tracks like at the begining of the dream. i walk for a long time and nothing changes. i look behind me and i see one of those manual hand cart things rolling down the tracks towards me. i hop on and start pumping it. the scenery changes from grasslands to mountains until i find my self in flagstaff arizona. i jump off the cart and walk to my old dorm. i go up the stairs and find my old dorm room. i try to open it up but the door is locked. i knock. i answer the door in a towel. i look at myself for a bit then in an instant i'm standing there in the towel looking out at an empty hallway. rachel is calling me back to bed. she asks who it was and i tell her nobody special. we fool around for a bit then i look out the window and i'm back on the train in the middle of nowhere. i kiss rachel and jump off again. i start walking down the tracks like before. again, nothing happens for a long time. i keep following the tracks and they lead me through really green hills and then finally to a beach. the tracks disaapear in the sand and i see a pirate ship a little ways off shore. i swim out to it. i hear voices on board but i can't find a way to climb up onto the ship. i look back and i can't see land any more. finaly my subconscious has enough and i become lucid. i fly up on board and nina is there with a bunch of people i don't know. she says that she's been waiting. she tells me that she assembled the crew from the worst cut-throats she could find. we all scream "y'arrr!" i shout, "i'm the captain and if any of you have a problem with that speak up now!" a shirtless guy steps forward. i pull a pistol out of my belt and shoot him dead in his tracks. i yell "feed him to the fishes!" and then i go and grab the wheel. there's no wind. i try to conjure some up but it's not working. i yell at the crew to start blowing into the sails... they do... and it works. so now i'm on a boat in the middle of nowhere. the end.

last night i dreamt that i had kara as a roommate. for some reason i recognized her has the most beautiful thing i had ever seen... but i also had no desire to be intimate with her. it was really weird. the entire dream was concentrated on how we dealt with the people who came into our home. the details are in my head. kthx. drink

i have emily in my room. she's stretched across my bed. her body is so long. i run a finger from the tip of her bent elbow to her big toe. i kiss her hard stomach and run my tongue down to her leg. she's perfect. i roll her onto her stomach and climb onto her back. i start giving her a back massage. i run my fingers through her hair and press my chest against her back. i move my hands back from her hair to her lower back. my hands start to pull away from her. i look at my body and i'm lifting off the bed. i try to grab for her but i can't get my hand on anything. she sits face down in the bed... still enjoying the massage that i can't give her anymore. my perspective pulls out of the room. my mind snaps into lucidity. i struggle to get back to her. i want her. i get back into my room but she's not on the bed anymore. i plant myself on the ground an walk around the apartment. she's not there. i make my way outside... she's not there. i walk to campus. i ask everyone i see if they've seen emily... and they don't know who i'm talking about. i concentrate on emily. i fix her in my mind and think of the first time i saw her. -- i'm back at that party. she has a boy friend again and i'm feeling too out of control. something slips and i fall back into a non-lucid dream. i'm reliving the party where i met her. and i can't have her. this dream sucks.

fcuk it.

if tomorrows sun doesn't shine at least i'll have my clementine.

i'm super depressed right now.

this isn;t a dream.

this is just me writing out my thoughts while sitting on my balcony while drunk, smoking a stoagie and listening to pink martini.

i've made mistakes. and it's time for me to cowboy up and move forward... but i'm not. i need to go out and get me some cheap sex... because that's what i need to define myself. i need a woman to suck me off and tell me i'm god.

i need attention. i need devotion. and i need to pander to the opposite sex to get a bj.

i don't care about erin. i don't care about rachel. i don't care about kelly. i don't care about genevive. i don't care about. katrina. i don't care aboutsara. i dont care about lauren. i dont give a shit right now i just need to take control of the woman that control me.. i need to take control of myself.

fuck it.

i'm walking through the desert... there are random people sitting in the shade. as i walk it starts to get more populated... i find a dirt road. i start walking down the road until i see this jet black sedan on the side of the road. it's one of those new chrysler 300m 's. i get in and start driving. i gun it down the roads. after driving for a bit i start to realize that it's a dream. i pass a cute girl who's walking on the side of the road. i stop and reverse back to her and tell her to get in. we drive for a bit then end up doing some naughty things. the end.

okay so i'm at some sort of school function for my old high school. my old friend is there... i haven't seen him in probably 3 years since he left for the marines. i ask him about fighting people and what he learned... he tells me that he'll show me. he puts his arms up like he wants to box so i put mine up and got after him. he keeps trying to block my shots but i land every other one or so... he starts complaining and saying that i'm not fighting fair. he tells me to only use jabs... i tell him that's not how i fight. he gets angry and tackles me. we start rolling around in this courtyard. i keep trying to get a hold on him but he keeps squirming out. a crowd gathers while we're doing this. finally i shove him off and stand up. i tell him we need to settle this with supersmash brothers... my entire perspective transfers to the game... in the game i'm solid snake and he's yoshi. we're on this ice island that's floating up in the clouds and for some reason he's trying to plant this bomb at a certain place in the game so i follow him around all stealthy but it looks like he's lost... he wanders around for a long time with me behind him... finally i pop out and try to grab him.. but he squirms away again... i chase him for a long time then i finally push him and he drops the bomb. i pick it up and start running. off the edge of the island thing that we were fighting on, there's a line in the sky... i can see that off in the distance there's a cloud traveling along the line (like in mario). i run in circles until the cloud makes it's way over to the island... i jump on the cloud and it reverses its path. now i'm moving away from the island and i see eric/yoshi shrinking away looking sad. i wake up.

no lucids, sorry genie.

hokay. this is many nights packed into one post.

i started dreaming that i was other people... and that i had to start solving their problems. and on top of that i keep being put into these situations that suck... but i'm someone else... so i don't really mind if what i does is judged. -- ie. i'm dropped into this scenario where i'm a father and my son just told me that he was gay. i yell at him. i tell him that he's too young to know something like that... i tell him that he's just being simple... and i force him to date a girl...

i keep having these dreams where i'm forced to make these 'normally' difficult decisions that end up being so simple. after i make the decision... i sit there and wonder why i thought it was going to be so hard... then i wake up.

in the most recent one, i dreamt i was in a song...

i see a lion sleeping in my dads truck in the driveway of my old house back in tucson... i sneak up to the truck... open the door... settle in the passengers seat and quietly close the door behind me. i lean over the consol and examine the lion. he has one tooth peeking out of the side of his mouth. i grab it and he wakes ups. he starts thrashing. kicking his hind paws and snapping his jaw fiercely. i just close my eyes and hold on. i can feel my body being thrown around the cab... hitting the roof and the windows... i can barely feel his claws tearing my skin apart. it doesn't hurt... i just feel it happening. i get a sudden surge of confidence... like what i'm doing is right. i open my eyes and see my sister and my mom running out of the house to see what's going on. they start screaming. i keep my death lock on his tooth. my arm starts getting sore so i grab a hold with both hands. i start crying. i can feel my eyes getting bigger and bigger. in all the commotion the dream police arrive. the doors are locked. they keep banging on the windows, expecting me to open the doors but i'm too busy concentrating on my grip. they set fire to the doors... i keep crying and the lion starts roaring. i keep holding on... knowing that if i let go the lion will tear my head off. everything outside of the cab is fire... and i wake up.