Thread: Adrian's lazy dream journal...

Lucid dream on the morning of Thursday the 6th March 2008.
Between 10am and 12.30am.

I was in the city with who I do not know.
We will go home. But how?
On the arse of course! Like a skin bobsled…
I’m alone. Sliding at high speed
along what appears to be Parramatta Road.
Just previous to this ‘self-transport’
a stranger was talking to me about music shops along here
as my father was waiting half way up the road at one for me.
So back to being on my arse at high speed!
Dips and hills that rise…traffic…traffic!
I’m staying on the left side of the road
which is smart and its also quiet.
The other side with oncoming traffic is packed.
Cars, buses and trucks. Down a fairly long dip
my speed is phenomenal. Only in the sense
that I’m on my own arse…not light speed absurdity.
Just really really fast for an arse!
I’m going too fast though, this seems obvious to me.
With corners that bend like half circles…
I’m using my weight to shift directions.
Over a rise and there is suddenly a long long dip.
Also the cars have changed sides.
The regular Australian standard
of left side driving, is now Americanised.
The left is oncoming traffic and the right side
is the place to be on.
But my speed, shit. Must avoid all objects.
As I come down this long dip to a sweeping left turn bend…
there is a bus, cars and singular truck in the right lanes…
I very very barely make it through a gap
between the bus and something else.
Freaks me out, but no brakes…
so I still have to negotiate this left bend!
I’m going too fast…I’m going off road. I have to.
On the right side of this bend that I barely touch…
is an apartment complex. Large…with gardens and trees,
bark on the ground.
I’m sliding through it all and have the sense
that someone has been here before me.
Possibly my father told to me in a story. Hmmm.
I regain composure…as the bend ends…
My memory fades here a touch (just a touch
But the road is straight now.
Possibly coming to a direct T-section.
Another huge wall of apartments is perpendicular to my self.
I decide here as the wall approaches…
with sealed windows…and curtains…

that THIS DREAM IS MINE. I’M LUCID. THIS IS GREAT.
I SHALL STOP AT THESE APARTMENTS,
OR SIMPLY THE HUGE APARTMENT WALL
THAT’S HIGHER THAN MY EYES CAN SEE,
AND SIMILAR IN ITS LEFT AND RIGHT GLANCE.

So I stop…and step up. There are huge windows…
somewhat futuristic in look. With curtains and/or blinds…
I can see in to some of them. One in particular.
The light is on inside. I feel like looking for a woman,
and since my glance to left and right reveal nothing
but a huge brick wall…so very very huge in scope.
I decide the apartments is key. The window of one is key.
I want to follow story lines…not absolve my self into nothing.
I haven’t had a lucid dream for ages. I recall telling myself
that, just the night previous. What can this dream offer me.
How can I not disrupt it! If only slightly here and there.

Into the view of this window. Is a lounge room and kitchen.
A whitish cane chair is present. I see an old man…50’ish.
And a boy, in his 20’s perhaps. I decide to make up a story.
I’m just on my university holiday break…and I’m a friend of their sons. The old man’s other son. Where is he? Ha……So…these sealed windows.
This sealed window, so huge, I seem to rip off some fly screen.
But then one of them, to my far right, opens a sliding door.
I walk through…and tell them who I want them to think I am.
They seem to be all right.

I consider the woman factor. I would love to find one.
Kitchen to the let. Lounge room where I’m at.
A corridor to my forward and right glance.
Then I suddenly have the urge to piss!
I don’t know what to think about this.
So I ask, can I use the toilet.
I ask as I’m very close to the corridor.
And now the son who is present…well is gone.
But seems to be replaced by the wife in the family.
This happens as my back is turned away
from the lounge room and I’m inspecting the corridor.
Still thinking, how I cant believe this is working!
A sort of apprehension. Very modest, I am!
I give a small yell…saying I need to take a piss.
The woman yells, go for it. I ask where…
as I turn back to where she is, in the lounge room.
As I do this, she responds, its right behind you. Very good. Kind.
She’s a blond…short hair. Looks European.
I go into the bathroom…and in that walk,
I consider walking out of this place into another,
in search for a woman.
But this piss is real damn it. I really need to go!
Ha….what the fuck.
Another futuristic thing now, the toilet/bathroom.
Where is the toilet!
I see some knobs, shower like.
Possibly some one yells out to me,
when I think and/or say out loud, where’s the toilet!
They seem to reference the drain by the door!!!!
So I turn on the shower knobs, (only shower knobs in appearance)
I take and have my cock out. I inspect it! ha.
A first in a lucid dream. It’s a little bizarre.
Something’s not right about it…not sure what though.
Possible it’s a weird angle!
But I piss and relieve myself…down it goes,
over and down it goes into this drain, the size of a dinner plate.
Silver metal….white tiled ground. I finish. I am staying.
Still in this pissing room of the future…
I start to feel like things are fading.
I reference how people always talk of spinning
and how it doesn’t do it for me.
It just makes me disorientated…and turns me into nothing,
but a wake up call. So I decide to keep that in mind,
and start to do something else.
I remember how another technique…
is to engage one’s sense…with the current surroundings.
I do this…but only with my dream eyes.
Only with the sense of sight!
The whole image of where I am…
as I make my way back to the lounge room,
is going diagonal on me…swaying back and forth…
up and down…swaying…left side rises…then it dips…
meaning right side rises…then right side dips.
Its an awful feeling, but I’m going through it,
scanning the room.

(not sure why I didn’t involve my other sense in this bit!…
possible just wanting to get back
to the characters for their involvement)

I get back to the lounge room. I am steady again.
Very stoked at this. Everything has a very steady feeling to it.
Everything about it.
I feel like this could be a long lucid dream now.
Also a feeling that it has been going on for a while.
I can also remember the whole riding on my arse bit.
Though that was not complete lucidity.
Just a memory within a dream, of a dream…

So back in the lounge room.
I decide to ask this couple something similar
to what I once read about. Someone once asked
in her lucid dream, what is the meaning of life?
I thought, fuck it…I’ve got a question.
So I ask, can you show me…the brightest light that’s possible.
I want to see the brightest light EVER! They agree to show me…………
THEN
this little woman...podgy comes out of a room
where the kitchen once was. The couple sort of say,
she will show you the light. I actually feel a little apprehensive.
Sort of scared. This little (Russian) woman
is a weird way of showing me!
She puts an arm around me…
she seems pleasant although serious.
Back where the door once was, the one she came through.
Is gone. Instead there is a cupboard…a wooden closet.
It seems the light is inside of THAT! She opens it, a single door…
of this wooden closet. What will my mind show me.
OPEN. A mirror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I see is me. Slightly distorted. But just plain old me. : )

I’m amazed. On various levels.
One, I don’t usually see myself in dreams,
though when I have, its been pretty bizarre.
Here though, is an almost precise reflection.
The second thing…no light. Knowing I could find
some really enlightening things in this situation, that is present.
There was something very obvious about it all.
Gave me a great feeling.
Then I turn away. The little woman is gone,
with my back to the cupboard/closet…it doesn’t exist.
The couple is still there. The corridor is gone,
though replaced with a corner…that’s wider,
around it, is another room. No corridors,
just room melding into rooms.
The sound of a baby. I look down,
and in two spots is some shit. Some baby shit,
I see the baby with a diaper, but yeah.
The baby did it. The father talks about it…
and I start on…how its odd,
if only because I just read some Charles Bukowski,
who had a poem revolving around this very thing.
I try to remember it. Something about…
trying to contain a baby in a diaper…
but only to find some shit around the corner.
It was weird, and meant to deal with life and existence, I think.
It was trying to draw parallels.

(the actual poem I spoke out about…
I cant quite remember what words I used,
but above is an alright description, if not perfect.)

There is a lounge…parallel to the large window, facing it.
One of the couple is on the far side, the other…
with me, in front of it. I decide to tell them
of this ‘dream’ state I’m in. I try to do it in a way,
that has them as a dream…but trying to get them to focus
on me within it. Not them.

(its hard to get other dream characters
to recognise the current state…
so this approach of mine has it pluses I think)

So I tell them…of my state. I say, this is all pretty unreal.
Despite how solid everything was and is currently.
They are moving about, as if cleaning up the place,
if it is indeed a mess! I tell them, that my being there,
is a dream. I am lucid in this dream. Ah Ha! an new angle.
So I tell them…in descriptive language…what I mean.
I’m dreaming this up right now as we speak.
I say to them, I am not from your ‘world’

(I’m not aloof…world as in…different matrix
to what is mine…meaning, I wake up, they don’t!)

I describe to them, what it means to be lucid right now.
I tell them to imagine having a dream.
Imagine in that dream, you have a conversation,
and are conscious, just like NOW! That’s a lucid dream,
that’s where I am right now. Where you are! A dream.

(I go on slightly more about this state…
and they never counter my idea…
they do continue their activities…
but I never get a yes you’re right,
but never a no, which I like.)

I blink…
My eyes open…I see my bedroom.
I’m on my left side…

Instantaneous. Literally a blink and I’m awake in bed.
The transition was light speed. Very cool.
Never had a chance to battle to stay. Just boom…in bed.
Started to move about. But got back down
and decided it best to stay still and recount
what had just happened.
If only so I could get the words down.
Though I knew straight away,
it was going to remember long term
no matter what! Or so I say

I liked the differing levels of lucidity. My actions.
The actions of others. The surroundings.
Definitely one of my favourite…
‘let the characters stay and evolve
in front of me!’ lucid dreams.

Jun 24, 2006

Im walking around Riverside Drive, the main road that loops my suburb, at first im being chased by someone, and im merely trying to get away from him......this goes on for a while and suddenly im thinking, this is going on too long, now i think about it, im dreaming.....i decide that i'll keep wandering through the streets near my house, but now, i decide to incorporate the houses around me....so i start to walk through the houses one at a time in a straight line......they are townhouses....small yards.....i get to one, and there are a bunch of my friends in a hallway and in the small backyard, i go over to one of the sarahs i know, and start to explain to her that im dreaming, and that she is merely a part of my dream.....she looks dazed, and she doesnt seem to believe me.......after a while of this....for some reason i decided i really wanted a dream character to know that their merely a dream character, and the fact that it was a friend, made me want to do this more....but after that while, i decided to be on my way.....i turn my back on all of them and walk to the back of the yard towards a huge eucalyptus tree and wooden fence.....the urge came back to me, that i wanted to see a dream character know its place....so with sarah in mind, i climb up this tree, like a cat would, although in retrospect i always say it felt like a monkey climbing up...i just heading up with such ease, and the bark on the tree seemed so intricate, rough and colours of brown......i turn around and look down to sarah and the others, "look sarah, im dreaming, your a part of MY dream, could i do this in REAL life?" The angles looking down at them were a little out of whack. Sarah still doesnt seem to want to know whats really going on, so i decide to swing around some branches just like a monkey would.....i do this with ease, and im gliding around this tree's branches......again im asking sarah to take note, so she can recognise that she is merely a dream sarah.....she does nothing more than give a quick glance, i resolve to do he most of mosts impossible if awake thing i can think of.....in light of being up so high in a tree.....i decide that i'll show her how someone might get down from high up in a tree, in the dreamiest way possible.......i decide, im going to float down like a feather......swaying back and forth like a cradle......i do this, and as im going down, i start to think, hmmm, what will it feel like to hit the ground, i know im dreaming, but i can imagine that it hurts....i dont want it to hurt....so as i get closer to the ground i decide to shut my eyes, all goes black, i open them, and im in the back of a taxi cab, with the driver in front, and a girl beside me.....sometimes id suddenly be in passengers seat aswell, but mostly in the back seat, im a little dumbfounded at the transition, i still feel like im in my local area, but everything has drastically changed, its night, its raining, despite feeling local, theres all industrial buildings around......Im still flawed that the transition came from nowhere, yet from somewhere in my subconcious.....i decide that being a guy in a dream with a beautiful girl (everyday beautiful looking, natural) we should have some fun, the driver seems curious, and i dont care if he watches in the mirror.....i wake up.

To me, the biggest connection i have to this lucid dream, is that upon waking, i had such a definate feeling of floating out of the tree like a feather.....I mean, we all do our daily actions in waking life and some of those action turn up in memories. But here i am, wide awake, with the recollection of falling like a feather.....this is what stays with me the most from this lucid dream.

Also, i rarely change scenes in my experience. Unless i go back to the average dream, where i lose control, or i either wake up, so being transported like i was so seemlessly...rare for me and wonderfully strange.

Sep 16, 2006

OK. So this dream was not lucid.
Actually I’ll start from the pre-dream.

I went to bed at about 1am. Suddenly I awake from sleep – I’m exhausted – it feels like its almost sun-up time – but I look at the digital clock near my bed – its 2am. Its only been an hour – I’m baffled – just one hour, give or take 5 minutes. From here on in – im waking up – pretty much – on the hour – every hour – completely exhausted – with no real dream recall – just exhaustion – I feel like my whole body has been sweating – yet to the touch – im rather quite dry.
Come 5am in the morning – I awake – and I now have to get up and go get a drink – im sooo thirsty – as im at the fridge – getting some juice – I ponder how this broken sleep…and now being at the fridge – feels fairly close to a sleepwalkin sensation – im wide awake – but the exhaustion and need for a drink – what a weird and out of nowhere nights sleep.
Come 6 in the morning im awake again – I decide to put on my headphones – with some Aphex Twin – his ambient work – sounds good – I can hear sounds that I’ve never heard before – a bass – that on a portable stereo – id never heard before – I fall asleep.
I now awake at 8am. The discman has played all the music – so I remove the headphones – and go to sleep again – I reawaken here and there, although not on the hour – right up until 1pm.
I must be a sleeping in professional!

This is a non-lucid dream.
I’m riding a mountain bike – im in an event – kinda like a triathlon – only weirder – im riding up and down hills – although some of the uphills are beyond the real world – very steep – so I put my bike on my shoulder and walk up it – because that’s quicker. There is a bunch of us competing. An old friend is near by – riding too. (Possibly my exhaustion…from earlier on was based around this dream…maybe I just cant recall what I was doing exactly then)

I get to the end of the ride – im at a bay area now – and this huge barn-like building is the place to be for the next event. Dancing.

*** NOW I stop and wonder for a second here. I look over to what is a boatshed for very skinny yachts – I remember how last time I did this race/event – I didn’t have to dance – we all had to – sort of make our way across these boats, one by one, as they swayed in the water ***

I look over, people are already dancing – I must get in there – I attempt to go through the barn-door in front of me – but an official says I have to follow the proper pathway – I have to go to the barn-door on the other side – I walk around and find a room close by that can take me to the other side of the building. In this room though, are two of the hugest white horses I have ever seen (picture a hobbit next to a racing horse) huge! They are both moving about this room. Seems like it’s a huge kitchen/stable. I’m scared. The door I need to get to is on the other side of the room.
Its locked. I’m going to have to run and climb over it. I’m still scared. Then an old friend turns up beside me (from about 10 years ago) He runs and gets up on the barn door. I make a dash for it – im not scared of the horses – I know their peaceful – but I also know they don’t like to be surprised – so in my dash, I don’t want to be trampled. I get up on the closed gate/doorway – my feet are still sort of dangling, one white horse uses its huge nose area to boost me up properly. My old friend is long gone. I jump down. I head for the door to the dancing room. It seems im late, everyone is dancing already – the dancing style is old 50’s rock & roll. I notice another old friend (he goes way back – 16 years ago) I speak to him (cant remember about what now) I then notice a whole bunch of old friends dancing – females mostly – except one isn’t dancing – somehow im now dancing/talking with her – in this event, everyone had to be coupled up to dance.

I sort of black out here~ I possibly woke up – im not to sure.

I’m now in this dancing room still and again. But its empty. It turns out the racing event is only half way through. It seems the starting line is also the finish line. So I have to go back the way I came. Im running late, I must catch up to the rest of the pack.
I run out of the barn on the bay (the bay is sort of a twisted version of the one in Sydneys centre)

I notice another old friend – he’s riding his bike away – towards the finish line – which is beyond sight – its along~~~ way away. I call his name (knew him about 14 years ago) He takes no notice. I must get up to the pack of racers. Suddenly my mum is next to me. There is a motorcycle next to me as well. It’s a trail bike/racing bike mix, blue black, and silver. I decide to steal it/borrow it – just to catch up – I know the owner will be mad when he comes for his bike. My mum hands me a helmet. It fits well. (I found it bizarre to be putting something over my ‘dream’ head) Also I adjusted it. I looked at all the controls of the bike, and thought of how I didn’t want to over do it – and crash. My intention – catch up to the pack – then get back on a mountain bike.

Off I went – but not long after going forwards – I decide to turn left and over a green grassy hill I go – down – to what appears to be a community of shops – they are open to the air – with only a piece of canvas for a roof – they all have their own canvas – all appears to be sooo peaceful – no-one is around. I’m now off my bike – I look to one shop – it has carved wooden sculptures (the other day, I looked at a pamphlet my brother had – a friend of his from work, is a….was a refugee from the Congo – and he started up a foundation to aid the disadvantaged children he has come across – basically to gain funds – he sells – carved wooden pieces of African art that the children have made – with their gained skills!) Very peaceful.

I think about how the owner of the bike would be looking for me by now….i must distance myself from the bike.
I leave the bike.

I now think about the race/event. I’m thinking there must be a short-cut back up that grassy green hill. Its not a large hill. I notice a huge block of units/apartments, I’ll use that building as the short cut. I go in and start making my way up the stairwell. I head right up to the top – way above street level now. About 12 storeys up. I’m a little confused, so I now start descending the stairs – so I can get out. On my way down – about half way – I come across a lady – about mid twenties – she appears to be harmed – not physically – but she’s not being cared for – really she’s being abused – somehow I know. I tell her – she needs to get out – or she will end up dead. I ask her if she needs any help – and if I should take care of anything – she doesn’t speak much – I decide im going with her. So we go together to her apartment – which happens to be the top floor where I was before – we walk into, what appears to be one fairly huge living room – the only room – until a voice is heard – a man comes out of what must be a very small bathroom – he says, “I see you’ve decided to bring your boyfriend back with you”. It felt weird – and this guy – obviously her partner – well I had the sense of aggression in all his being. Somehow he was now abusing me – with words. He then goes back into the bathroom – I look around – it’s a poor living quarters – one can easily tell this place is being lived in. I decide the both of us will get out of here. We dash for the stairs – around about halfway down I notice she’s carrying a bottle of aftershave – with no lid – just a rectangular glass bottle. I take it from her – and kick it against a wall – it shatters into many pieces – no real liquid though. (just last night I was recounting to a friend on the phone how as a child I was kicking things around – soccer ball etcetc. My movement was parallel to this memory)
A few more steps down and the partner yells from the top. He is very mad. I’m now fairly certain – he’s coming for both us both.

Both her and I – we get out that door that supposed to be my earlier shortcut. But things outside have changed. There is now an even smaller green hill in front of us. We have to climb it. We do – very slowly – at the top – land becomes flat – it’s a field that backs onto a school – right in front of us is a fence – kinda like a farms fence – old wood and wire – we look towards the school – there are some students and a couple of teachers playing some sport – behind them is a gang of young 20 year olds – I sense they know this lady’s partner – it doesn’t look to good. I think – if I get the attention from the school kids/teachers – this gang will not harm us – not with so many witnesses. I now notice that her partner is now outside – so we are being closed in by both sides – we yell to the school children/teachers – but we’re to far away – we must move closer to them – she does fine – she’s now ahead of me – but im feeling really stuck – im finding it really hard to move/walk – im yelling for attention – but its futile if I cant move.
(I hate those dreams where….it feels like a magnet that’s being repelled in all directions…..so movement is suddenly an absurd thing to be trying to do. Even now…the thought of it is just awful.)

I think the lady has a chance , she is movin fine. But im going down. Its as if im forced to sit and wait for what’s comin for me.



Sometime later I awake. It’s a shame I didn’t become lucid I thought to myself. It all seemed so very real.

Now one thing that gets to me. Just before trying to go dancing I noticed the boatshed and how I thought that that was the next phase of the event….based on a previous memory of having done it. Although I cant rule out that this was merely a dream memory within a dream (which is cool in itself) But upon waking…I feel fairly certain I had this dream before as a child…Right up until the dance I believe. All I can think as an example is I remember…not long ago…smelling a certain scent…and it took me back to young childhood with a memory containing that smell. The smell unlocked an old memory. I cant help but think that this time…it just happens the key that unlocked my memory….was in this new dream itself…the same environment…same racing event, and so when dancing came up….it threw me into a thinking/remembering mode. Who knows really…..

I do know there are many intricate things that I just cant seem to remember.

Oct 4, 2006

Im not sure where to start.....just another eventful morning i guess.

I think i should point out events in a timeline pattern....
whether it all comes together in any other way, im not sure. At the least, not on the surface.

I woke up at 8am...thought i was going to go for a walk down town, my sleepiness disagreed. About 8:50am i awoke. I was now as about as hard as i was going to get.....so i masturbated for a while. Then i decided to put on my headphones and listen to Fripp & Eno...their latest album (2004). My first listen of it....half asleep i couldnt wait. So i got it on...as im in bed....very comfortable. Its ambient......some guitars....soundscapes.....it hits a mark with me...i knew it would. I start to have hypnagogic images run through my mind. Easily felt and intense.

Quite a few times.......and it always happens when im in this state....well it happens a lot. As im laying there, with my eyes shut.....the hypnagogic imagery thats running through my mind....suddenly takes on the appearence of.....what would be in my eyes vision if my eyelids didnt exist......and its so clear to.....in a weird way....it feels like a perfect dream body representation of waking life. Because when these moments end...and i actually open my eyes....it really is maintained..the visual elements....they link up so closely. Its weird....because when my eyes are closed but feel and seem open....i know im in the hypnagogic state....on some level......i mean, im there conciously as its happening....I cant put it to words....but it all comes together in such a moment....it all feels very clear as a state of mind.

I drift off to sleep....somewhere near the end of the album.......i awake to silence.....so technically i was near the end of the album..about 5 minutes beyond its actual end. So i take off the headphones....and im still feeling comfy. My conscious mind is feeling sound...and fine. Perfect conditions for some lucid dreaming..a mild thought.....but all was feeling good.

I end up dreaming a non-lucid dream....a weird one.....im flirting with one girl....a dream girl..i dont know her in waking life....we are getting on really well....suddenly (im surely missing lots of detail about this non-lucid dream) there is a bunch of her friends and some of mine....all female....and three of them..including the one i was with before....for some reason...i have to close my eyes.....and stick my right hand out and sort of behind me....and one by one....in a random order....they proceed to stick my little pinky finger in their mouths....each one having a good old time with my finger. It felt amazing! The nerve endings completely agreed on this event. I could feel their saliva...and lips....i was in blackness when this occurred. Except for the last one....she..the one i was flirting with....she at first took my index finger to her mouth....thats when i opened my eyes....and then she had the little finger.....it seems im meant to choose the best performer.....the girl i flirted with seems to win..easily. Next where mucking about on a lounge, and she turns out to look very different alll of a sudden....looking not as good as before.

Here i'll add, in normal waking life....this thing does happen to me......not neccessarily a good to bad scenario..but sometimes..i come across people....and then upon seeing them a little on down the track....they appear to look so very different. True i may be drug induced on that first meeting. But...its a weird thing to have the visual element switch around in suprising ways.

That dream ended......off it went in some direction i cant remember.

Then suddenly...im now on a bus.....heading towards the bus station....thats also connected to the train station here. This location....and the bus....are from my normal waking life. Im heading to work..in the morning. Im standing near the front of the bus....talking to the bus driver.....i remember wondering....does he ever get a chance to drive and also look at the beautiful scenery...(nothing special in real life....here though..it looked amazing) I never actually asked him....i just remember watching him turn the big wheel to get around a corner.....i think that possibly answered my question. We were close to the station now....went past the bakery....that felt good.....got to the station and its morning...so school kids are all over the place. I get out (where id usually run for my next bus) BUT instead it seems my place of work is at the other end of the station......the station is loooooong. 20 times longer than usual. I start to run...i sprint for about 100 metres and then feel like ive given it all way to soon but i.... run and run...i feel weird..wobbly....my body doesnt seem to be able to run properly....than i gain some perspective....and i start in a straight line....and gain a great amount of speed......although....suddenly out of nowhere.....from my point of view....im, for only a moment or two....going at a slowmotion pace...so now i can see my running structure..and can really adjust myself to make the run as fast as possible. I see my wrist and lower arm..left side....i saw it in great detail....thats how slow i was going...Suddenly im back to my ultra fast pace....which im sure i never left, as in..an observer would see me as going along very fast. I could tell this as it all happened. Im now in my fast frame of mind.....a 'guard' like person starts coming from my right side as im approaching his area...he thinks im running from something...i somehow explian that im merely going to be late for work if i dont run, he understands.....im now going so fast my body is now leaning foward to the point where my hands can easily touch the ground in front of me......and im like a bullet...
i start to use my hands to gain an even faster speed. I start to realise im pretty much on all fours now running along....i think its interesting.....its like im Che the dog. (my actual dog at home) Then i start to feel weird...in a good way...but im still sort of alternating between on two legs and all fours now after this thought......but slowly im keeping to all fours. I then start to think as im running/galloping along.....how some native americans....have the whole animalistic side of things going on.....and its here that i become lucid. IM NOW LUCID DREAMING. So im thinking about how they relate to a certain animal in their lifetime.....i also think about how they..in a ritualistic sense....have the experience of actually becoming their animal. So without doubt...my arms start to morph...in such a strange....growing kind of way....into the front legs of a dog. I feel my head/skull sort of do the same thing....as if a snout is being brought upon me. With all this the speed is phenomenal. Im pretty much at the end of the run now....meaning, im close to that work place i was heading for.
I decide to change location. So...and i think this occurred while in mid run still.....i close my eyes.....and when i open them......im on my feet..but croutched down in a fetal position. Im outside my front fence at home. It is very windy..intensly. Leaves are blowin about the place.....and it seems as if dirt is in the air...i can see the wind..air moving about because of this grainy visual element. Trees are thrashing about the place. Suddenly....as im now up on my feet properly....i turn directly around to look up to the sun....which is in proportion to any waking life moment. By its position...i would say its about 4pm. But i turn around..and give the hugest.....yell/scream/shout/dont know how to describe my voice here......and in that voice, my voice..i say....'what do you want with me!!!!.....what do you want....?' I can not express that moment to its full extent....but the sun was alive...sooooo very alive, not physically in its visual. It appeared as..red/orange....like a sunset colour. It felt amazingly good to do what i had just did. I felt compelled....and it all felt right. I feel soooooo clear, honestly, my mind was centered. I turn away from the sun......and decide to walk inside my house.....i get to the front door..which appears to be shut....i wonder about it being shut...i push it it opens......i decide to shut it....but the lock doesnt work...it just wont lock and close....im kind of amused by this, it kind of feels and looks like..im in a house while the wind and whatnot is outside..not unlike The Wizard of Oz. I walk down the short hallway towards my room..my bedroom door is open..but my mothers is closed.....as im approaching my open door......i do get the urge to want to get off..so i do wonder if there is anyone waiting for me in my room. Nope, noone. But i think about my mums door being closed.....i use this as a way to get someone to show up....when i open her door....someone will be in there.......i go and walk in.....Her bedroom is completely distorted with its angles and the size of things and its arrangement of objects. The rest of the lucid dream beside this moment..was soo clear visually. The bed is absurdly up high.....huge blankets over what appears to be two lumps.....ahh i think. I feel like i know my mum has to be one of the two....its her room after all. But the other one...theres my fun right there i think. I pull away the covers.....and there is the weirdest human being one could find. Pencil thin limbs.....literally. Its sleeping..naked..a female.....i take it out of the bed and lay it down on a dresser like bench. Its body stands out soo much. Its bellybutton.....it was an outie...with probably too much skin hanging about it. I then decide to close my eyes and get another lump in that bed......so i know what i want for now. I open my eyes after a few short moments.....there is two lumps again in the bed. I reach over my mum....grab the girl by the hand and say....hey lets get out of here....she seems willing....but half asleep.....suddenly after getting down from the bed....she goes over to a mirror...and starts putting on some eye shadow makeup...why?..i think. Then she asks me......do we have to wait in the queu for long? so out of nowhere...as im thinking..lets get back to my room....there aint no waiting in line.......i notice her huge brown eyes. Despite throughout the lucid experience feeling rather quite stable..in so many ways...i feel like getting her in that moment..to be just about impossible. I feel myself waking up.....i can feel my limbs in my bed....i can turn back now...im awake....but unfortunately no longer awake in my dream.
I then started going over the dream in retrospect. It felt good. I feel good. It was only last night that i was wondering about my lucid dreaming...i actually wrote to someone last night..that ive been having a dry spell.

I feel fortunate. Less fear. Plus the asounted feeling that comes from it all.
Im probably expressing it well for myself when i say....
im so in love with being 'awake'.

Edit/addition: Actually...a minor thought came to me when i was explaining that dream to another friend. I mentioned how this girl i was flirting with...eventually morphed...and i found her to be.....not what she first appeared....physically. I mentioned that she had some facial hair. My friend asked..oh she turned into a guy....my response....NO she was a girl with facial hair...kinda just a personal off putting feature.

Oct 25 2006

it seems sometimes it comes about...that my lucid dreaming....comes about when i just get over the edge..of realising....that trying to lucid dream..can be sooo counter productive for me....and so when i let go...i may even write down my thoughts on it....describing..how its been many days since my last lucid dream......it gives me a certain kind of ache....but in that moment...i know that in some significant way..i give up....i cant explain it properly....but this giving up....in my mind....gets me lucid dreaming. So come the next morning..or a few days later....it occurrs.

This thoughts happened again last night, and so i did indeed have a lucid dream this morning.

I woke up around 6-7 in the morning.....went back to sleep..i seemed a little hot and bothered.....
I went into some unconcious dreaming....that was great...with details....and subject matter.....everything was pasted together.....so a bunch of environments and situations....that in my ordinary waking life....fit nicely on their own....were overlapped and exaggerated.
Within it.....i ended up at my house......and i need of a shower.......now i dont remember getting wet....i cant account for any water....no real bathroom...i think i had a towel though....and despite the facts..it felt like i was in a bathroom......i walk out.....and theirs an auntie of mine...who i havent seen in ten years....despite a sort of recent funeral....her face is the same....but her hair..is completely different...platinum blonde..bobcut. I found it so peculiar.....she was with my dad....and she was talking about how she sent my dad some money meant for me...I get taken over by whats going on around the rest of the house......people are drinking from glasses.....looks like scotch glasses....with possibly berr inside. I grab one.....from a silver plate...i think a servant was holding it....and proceeded for a group of people i could see..in a grand...lounge room. They were standing in a small circle.....i see a cousin..i hadnt seen her in ten or so years.....we make eye contact....and both go in for a warm hug....it has been so long. Weird though....ive aged.....time has passed....but her face hasnt.......she is only slightly younger than i....so maybe she should have been around the age of 21. But she had the face of a 11year old....it baffled me..but i was soo happy to see her....i forgot this point....I did also feel nervous.....i usually turn up to things late...and so coming out of the shower...i felt like....i was the last to be introduced to the others....there is a beautiful girl standing amongst us.....i move away quickly...and get another glass of alcohol...i turn back....everyone..but this beautiful person/girl is standing there....a chance of something....i think her arm is now around me.....but she smoothly moves away into thin air. I look around the room......its a warm room..in its look.........still looking grand.......
NOW i see a television.......something is playing on it......and out of seemingly nowhere i comes upon me...im dreaming......i look at the television....i feel the need to have Akira Kurosawa's Dreams on it.....(a movie of a collection of this directors dreams...) i wanted his last dream on the screen....i wanted to show the others in the room this....I came on the screen....and i was amazed....it felt good. BUt i decided..or my mind rested on the lucidity of the events and where i was......so i went over to the television....and to really show the others it was indeed a wonderful dream....i jumped into the television...into the scene that was playing...set in a rural japanese village..a beautiful setting....but i mainly turned around after i jumped in...and looked out and back at the people in the room....It felt a little strange...as if..some kind of film seperated the room..from being inside the television...film..that also came across as energy. I jumped back out...and was in the room again. The people around could care less....this was obvious....but my concious mind didnt worry....that aspect..was unimportant.....So i bent down to the television.....and with some wonder in my mind....i thrust just my head through the television......the energy feels weird..and good......and i started to think a little.....i removed my head from inside the television......when my head was in there...it did transport me back to the movie that was playing...and so...the loungeroom disappeared altogether for that moments time. Ok, so ouside the television....things started to come together...energy wise...and so now..i merely put just my hand through the television....fast..then slowly....then...i decided i that it wasnt just the screen which was bendable...so i swiped my hands/arms..through the whole object that was the television......by now..the screen is nothing but static.....and when seeing my arms go through it....the energy was of a voilet colour...intense. I swiped my hands/arms around through the television...while i ponderd this.....than i started getting bigger thoughts...i stood up...and walked towards the dining room....which appeared to be my dining room at home....nothing grand....i see my little sister coming through the doorway...passing me....as she does....i swipe my hand right through her body.....i take in the thoughts of the situation.......its all an illusion..not just the television....but people....my walking....the ground....this dream....i seem to fall.....then it goes into blackness.....something has me....I open my eyes..im laying in bed......the alarm on my phone is buzzing......argh......So upon awaking in bed....i felt annoyed..because....i couldve stayed longer in the a lucid dreaming state...if not for the damn phon going off.

Just that wonderment....with slight fear...of the illusion aspect..that grew within.....starting with the television..ending up..by logic....being a part of everything.....

Jan 18, 2007

Ok so anything that comes up inside a bracket is me with an afterthought to the actual dream....anything outside of the bracket is what was happening from my perspective during the dream.

Ok...so one dream im in....is going on for some time.......
im riding through traffic in some city.....lookin at the road signs and cars and traffic....its fairly busy.

Im doing this for ages.....then eventually im heading home......to my mothers place.......before im there....
theres a shop front....and a huge black dude....with a handgun......i think he's gonna use it.....i just go straight for my mums place.....i open the door.....
and everything is just dirty and unclean and everywhere.....she's about the place somewhere..i can hear her....but not see her.....the place is a REAL mess......i mean the sink is full of....junk!
(in retrospect....this wasnt my mums house.....and at some point i did see my mum...but it wasnt even her! it was some short fat lady!)

Its around about now.....it just clicks......im dreaming. LUCID DREAMING TIME
No need to check for any signs to make sure....i can remember everything thats just happened. I am dreaming. Im glad....cause i know its been a while....
i make my way up the stairs....carpeted stairs.....and felt good about my position......i get to the top....thinkin at first.....maybe i can see about getting some girl to appear up in one of the bedrooms....that sounds like a good idea......but i thought about it some more.....and i really didnt want to waste my time.
I felt stable with time.....but it can always go at any time.

I turn around and kinda make my way down the stairs.....but then with one hand..my left hand on the rail....i decide i'll jump down.....in typical exaggerated dream fashion...i do..and its cool......i walk out the door........and im on the street.......

suddenly that black dude is still there.....
he starts loading his gun.....old thick silver hand gun......it kinda disturbs me....cause i know.....
he's gonna shoot me.....damn.....i better walk away....so at least these dream bullets dont have to come at my face! he's talking....im trying to ignore him......he seems to shot me in the back of my head a couple of times.......

i close my eyes arfter i hear the last bang.....
Im now NOW in my real home....but dream home....
im in the living room. EVERYTHING is real stable.....
lookin so so real......i feel great........i think about you! Im thinkin about Tia.....and how she had been waking up and recalling her lucid dreams....meanwhile i had the problem where i thought i was having them and merely not recalling them....so i made the effort then.....that recalling this event.....was now in my mind.....so i was safe there......then in thinking about you......i kinda laughed......and so i held out my hand to the dining room wall.......POW POW.......POW i said.......hand shaped like a gun........hahaha but to end.....i couldnt get my hand as a gun to work......and i found it so fun and hilarious that i made the sounds of POW...while aiming at the wall! I wondered about thinking about you in the state as well......thats a first i think.....(now im thinking....yeah it was a first....as maybe other times....outside influences and ponderings inside are of concepts and situations.....i dont think an actual person....has been thought upon in that state before)

Its around about now..i wonder......should i try and get a dream version of you to appear....!!! i thought you'd really flip if i cam back with a story of hanging out with you in a dream! but my skills of clicking my fingers and doing that..are so limited.....things are just so stable.......so POW and actually getting a zapping light bullet or something....and then getting Tia into this event....ha its just going beyond stable!

Never mind i think......i go out the front door into the street.......I start to run down the street.......at a fairly fast speed......kinda unatural.....plus the street seems to be like one of those running exercise machines.....
no matter how fast i was going i wasnt getting too far.....although it still seemed like i was.......

as i was running on two feet......i pondered how before in other lucid dreams....i have become Che....this time i wondered.....lucidly if i could purposely shift myself into his body........and so on the darkened tar road....i resolve to kep running at this really fast speed.....
but keep going.....and eventually i'll lean foward and see about getting my hands on the ground in front of me.....and then see about naturally getting them to change into paws........!!!! (i know.)

Im now running at such a speed yet oddly still in my street...that everythins a blur....except the road beneath my eyes.

Then an old slightly a friend...from my highschool days.....comes from behind.......and i sense he's just here to annoy me.....I stop running.....im now casually walking down the street.......this guy is buggin me......
its john (a guy who actually died back in those days....
which was kinda weird cause his character in the lucid dream....was a prick....and he was really like that in person....a short annoying person...at times)
He appears to live in a house down the bottom of the street.......im getting caught up with being annoyed by him......that i start picking up rocks....and one by one.....i aim and throw.......second time..i get him.....the rest is nothin......he goes around the back of his place and he's gone......although overall.....i picked up....3 rocks.....one before each throw.....and each rock was different....so different....the weight of each one....the feel.....the shape.....real delicate in many ways......gave me some wonder......and i felt like i was back on track to do........hmmmm whatever i wanted.

(so remember.....overal i really dont feel too inclined to control it ALL)

so i get down the bottom of my dream street......
and cross the road. Theres some firetrucks to the right....i see them.Then....over to the cycling path....
that goes left....and right.......

My friend Jenny lives just down to the left......maybe i should go to her dream house.....and visit dream jenny.....(my lack of wanting to control..means....situations that are naturally around beyond the lucid dream....are easier to come about and let unfold.....i could be fairly sure.....her dream house would be where the real deal is....same for her)

But i dont know.......i kinda still like the Che idea.....
or even just running real fast over the land......
id like that. I think about whats right.......to the right side.....and know its got some fairly straight roads....through some bushland........perfect to run like its impossible otherwise.......

So i turn my body and face the direction i want to go...
as i stand on this cycling path. I now can feel something peculiar........the wind. Theres a light breeze......and it feels amazing......so amazing..i decide..the best i can get from it all.......is to sit where i am.......and meditate (mind you.....im not religious....and meditation.....is just my way of saying..im trying to be as centred as possible....ha not that i can fully explain what 'centred' means!)

So i sit down.......cross my legs.....im wearing shorts....i can see some hair on my legs........
I feel comfortable...BUT im now facing back the other way....to the left......and the breeze is coming straight at me......it seems to put me off.......i cant concentrate.....i shift.....and face back to the right.....
and so my back....diverts the wind....from my face.....
and i can feel it on the backs of my arms.......

IT REALLY DOES FEEL AMAZING
this breeze is a firt for myself.......i know this..and so i really take it in.

I am still sitting......i recount how.......im in a lucid dream.....and when i wanted to run down the right side of this path......i pictured the bushland and whatnot.......i basically had a vision within a vision.....
a dream within a dream....

(ha..if one was to put it literally....taking our non dreaming life and calling that a dream!..id have been....dreaming within a dream within a dream......
shit thats a crazy thought.....that kinda makes sense!)

So im relaxed and stable......
No bugs to bug me........just me and the breeze......
truly..a first........i feel comfort..........

THEN.......in that particular time....i thought back to how....if i really do just meditate on my position.....
id surely loose consciousness and eventually wake up......

BUT....out of nowhere......my right arm......has a great pressure within it......Hmmmm.....stuff meditation......
my arm! my right arm.......is.....tingly...and numb......

I start to lose.....my dream status! im still very very lucid......BUT now im waking up......slowly..ever so slowly.......i go from sitting on that path.....to standing.....to laying in my bed...slowly waking up.....
i can feel my right hand......with the same sensations as before....but now i am merely (ha merely) laying in bed.......and im laying on my stomach.....with my right hand...pressed under my upper body!!!!!!

Ahhhh pins and needles...woke me up......half asleep......i wondered.....wow...its very common to find me sleeping on my stomach.......but im sure most lucid dream mornings.....after i awake and go back to sleep....i am on my back......im so glad i got lucid..on my stomach......it was comfortable......

but damn the pins and needles.......i really didnt need that........half asleep.......i felt rather happy......and i sorta let my right arm recoup....and get on back to normal......

i looked for the time.....around 8:15........daylight!

I remebered.......everything of what had just happened.....knew the best thing i could do.......or want to do......was write to you and let you know....
about it all.......

I do believe now though......that i have surely missed some things......but they are to sketchy.....and im not sure where exactly they fit.....no matter how minor or major they are!...........
Also i can now recollect...the dream......before i went roaming in the city at the start.......

but its hardly worth a mention......
quickly it had me at my place..........
the only one on a pill (exstacy..sp?) and so...
it stood out in that respect....as in....on drugs..in a dream........thats worth pointing out.....getting any kind of drug high in a dream......is so peculiar.......
so it shows....a person.....what the mind has gotten from thoughts and experiences previous to the dream.....and i gotta be honest......it matches up rather quite well.....it felt amazing!!!

Feb 10, 2007

Whoa.....

its 1:58pm.......

I went to lay down Bout 12pm.....well i played a game..computer game..playstation...got bored.....read a bit..wrote a bit.....read some more......got bored.....layed down to....derift into some fantasy land..........

i feel asleep......

this dream was unconcious.......for now......
and i cant recall it all......but near its end point.......
i walk out to my backyard......where my friend (dream character i dont recogonise) and Sarah Silverman....

(do you know her..american comediane?.....i came across her properly....on some..jay leno and conan recently.....realised she does crank yankers too.....and so instantly....loved her style.....ha.....i use the same method....meaning.....you say things...but you dont lunge out with some outrageous character to say things.....and so you incorporate them into your self.....so saying ceratin things..with a normal voice.....
so people are off balance.....i do it..cause i love it.....also because im shy....ha....and if you say something 'hilarious' with a normal voice......either people get it and laugh.....or they dont laugh...and you cant be accussed of telling a bad joke! Ha nobody gets hurt! So she does that too......ha i must have an afinity with her.....haha plus she's very very attractive. Cant hurt. She reminds me of an old comic named Lenny Bruce. Such a conversational tone....rather than the dull......tell a joke line.....audience laughs.....blahblahblah.....conversational tones....yeah!
KNow of her..check her out? Hot right! But i mean..her comedic side!!

Ok....so her and some made up dream friend are out back.....playing a game....possibly drunk.......
Where they both hold their fists up.....and she sneekingly punches foward....while he sorta blocks her..with his hands (odd dream game) So they're facing each other.....real close.....i think im jealous!! So me..mr third wheel comes in.....with high energy......
i mean.....the moment has me.......IM the life of this moment..party.....So i ask.....how long have you been playing for?.....they have this deadpan look on their faces.....as if they're not even there.....i say.....Dont tell me you've been at it for 20 minutes.......then i laugh...and say...i kinda hope you say 20 -30 minutes.......cause that THAT would be hilarious....(because of how dull this game is)......They dont show any real emotion. She is lookin good though.

Then i start to think.......that this is a dream......but it doesnt seem solid........i need to do something...to make the experience.....more solid.....for my mind to carry on.......I decide to.....sit down and cross my legs.......I do...ha..such large lanky legs too! real absurd lookin.....im wearing shorts...again..i see hair on my legs..and my knees.....its sorta rough getting them completely crossed.....i look up......and as if all the houses past the backyard was gone.....i could see the bushland.......a strip of it..horizontally across a large amount of low lyeing sky. Then......as my mind wants to be solid......i start to think of Buddhism......and what i had been reading in my books.......suddenly.....starting from right..then working its way to the left.....the bushland in the horizon......lit up into the most spectacular golden light.......whosh....
like some wonderful flame........then it did it again....from right to left.......it was amazing........
I then considered death. I felt like it could have been it. BUT my strongest thought was........that golden light seemingly exploding.....was a direct link to my intent. It was literally my intent.......i was seeing/feeling.......I had willingly made my situation......solid. Despite the chaos.......my intent was strong. It was here....that i also realised.....somewhere in a previous dream....i was lucid......but lost it......i was amazed at this......and literally thought......shit.....this is the best proof yet..that we are doing concsious things in our sleep.....
yet in such cases...we mostly just forget them!!!! this is so crazy.....when one thinks about it.

Then oddly enough......my focus has changed slightly...
I think about Sarah Silverman......damn..so fine she was.......but she's long gone. I decide....i'll get her back.......ha.id love a kiss......So with my solid intent.......I cross my legs....and look down.....(with the golden light i sorta stepped back/jumped back...it was that amazing) So then i open them.....and its all pretty hectic......i mean..visually things are everywhere........like in the middle of a tornado! But there is a body laying behind me......i know that its my intent that will give me sarah silvermans face.....so i felt sure of it....crawled over....lifted the face and it was!!! but instead of a kiss.......she grabbs me.....and sorta on the spot...we start rolling in an embrace......
all the visuals are wild.....like the tornado effect.....
im losing it......our faces are close....but nothing more than this rolling hug takes place.

I wake up......rather quite easily. I put my hand on my pulse (on my neck) and its racing.....i start to think about how.....as soon as we wake from a lucid dream....we can have a feeling like.....our waking life is still very present.....in slight ways. So i feel a need to adjust and wake up properly. I think about getting up and writtingto you. Gotta tell Tia. I take some deep breaths.......and close my eyes....open them..and repeat a few times.......each time im on my side....looking out at my record player......

THEN i actually open my eyes....and NOW im awake.
Damn those false awakenings!!! It felt like i was really awake..despite the high pulse etc. Ha the things we believe in our dreams. I lay and recount what just happened. I havent had that golden light....or similar to it..for many many years. So here i am..NOW im writting to you.

So i awoke sometime approaching 2pm.

Mar 5, 2007

I was near my back fence......around the side......actually.......and i was standing up on it.....
there was a tractor cutting the grass in the field near my house......and i realise im dreaming.......i wonder..what should i do......i think...should i go lay under the tractor and its cutting device it drags along........(fucking crazy) i decide not to......i decide to jump off the fence..wooden fence.....and run down my street...i do.......i know i can run REALLY fast......so i do......NOW the street MY street..looks stable and normal lookin.......YET despite my speed.....it takes ages to reach the bottom of my street.........as im running........i consider if i should morph into Che (the pet dog red doberman pincher......
as i think this......(i cant describe it properly) but i feel as if my head has..become elongated.....kinda like a triangular....pyramid...with the point being whats at the very front.......it feels odd.......and i decide id rather just stay as myself...............i get to the bottom of the street.....i then cross the road..and go onto that pathway...bicycle pathway (that ive mentioned before in a dream..as it actually is near my place) Everything is clear.......and soooo stable.......i feel fine.....what to do.......i decide to go to my friend jenny's place..to the left.....i want to fool around.....since its stable....in its realness of my ordinary waking life.....i think...jens house wil be there......so will she......(despite knowing in the moment..she's actually in europe!) (i have a hard time getting unreal people to show up in dreams....i'll tell you some wonderful examples some time soon......kinda interesting...) So i run down towards her place.....on this pathway......just before one gets to her place..is a gully.......a small riverbed.....DRY....mostly..with a smallish bridge over it.....as i cross it.......i notice a line of kids.....about 5.....and their slightl;y older.....than some younger kids....and they are being bullys to the littler ones.....old ones..maybe 10......the others..maybe 7-8.......but their really pushing the younger ones..close to the edge of this bridge......
This is where i kinda get side tracked (not to mention the already present want to fool around!) So i yel out to the kids......and throw a rock.....near them.....and tell them to stop hassling the smaller ones......i seem overbearing in this case.......which is good....its worked....i go over to jens house......family home......i wonder......i go over..open the front door......jens mum is there....i say hi......we smile.....i walk futher in.....i see her older sister......say hi....all smiles......i see her dad......say hi.....i actually used their names in my hellos......i go to jens room.......just before i open the door..i think about how she's in europe.......as if my fingers are crossed.......I open the door.......and there she is......so cool. I stand in one corner.....and she appears to be trying on a whole bunch of clothes..dresses.......just tonnes of the stuff.......her closet is so full.......i notice some breasts......although it was odd.......i couldnt tell with my eyes..if i was seeing them as they naturally sat there in front of me...or if they were underneath some thin cotton material!!!! It pretty much ends there.......i open my eyes in bed........and im a little taken back at the sudden transition.......i must of got too involved in the situation!!! I smiled though......its when i try the least to be lucid......when i let go the most...it comes along......that feeling of being centred. Whatever that means.

Mar 19, 2007

I went to bed late. I wanted to be mildly half asleep come morning. So I had about 4 hours to sleep on it. Alarm went off. I ignored it but eventually tendered to it. Hit snooze, about three times. Got up, put some pants on, was warm to hot so I remained shirtless. Took a piss. Noticed my brothers TV had played out a movie long finished, turning the screen to a certain pale of blue. Went out into the dining room and turned the computer on. It would take a few minutes. I had to get on eBay to see and try, to spend as little money as possible on a Cornelius album. A remix album, CM2. So my first wake up call had come at 6am. I was up by 20 past. I thought I may have missed the deadline altogether. Didn’t really mind, as I didn’t have the money to spend anyways. It was just a cool, cheap buy. Whatever naturally works out. I’m with it. As the computer slowly loads up, doing its thing, I go and grab a singlet, its actually cold now. I have adjusted beyond the confines of my bedroom. Its still dark. Just before 7am it gets light. Very faint light for now, practically not there. Even when you tried to look for it.

I get into my eBay account with 2 minutes to spare. In some ways its very typical of me. There’s one other guy or girl who has bid on this item. They probably aren’t up this early. I make my bid with a minute 20 or so to go. I was outbid straight away. I went back with another higher amount. No good. I went for a third but time had run out for this object. It was sold like a piece of meat. I missed out by a dollar, around a bouts. I wasn’t too let down. After all, I could get that album some other time. I had just saved money.

I realise its getting late, I should be going back to bed. I could really sleep to dream I thought. Seemed like a perfect, as perfect can be, chance to have a lucid dream. Time has moved quickly, the light is getting there now. Seems to be right on me. I probably noticed the rays first rather than the actual time. But it was going on 7. As I looked out of the window near my side, at the computer. I noticed that the air was full of insects. Thousands of them. Hundreds of thousands of them. In certain spots, they were busy workin away. Doin what? Keeping everything else stable perhaps. Why there aren’t any birds swooping in to get some food, I don’t know. I guess they’d eventually die on the grass, making for an easy meal. I went over to the kitchen window, to pull up the blind. When mum gets home from work, she can enter a house full of light. Up it goes, and out my eyes stare. Fog. A blanket of fog has arrived. It’s very entertaining. Simple. I hardly get to see it. Just another rainbow on my list. Must be prime time for these insects. They love the moist air. I wonder if there are usually this many about, every early morning that I miss. I’d have to find out. Meanwhile, my stares are lookin into the fog and then into these frenzied bunch. What’s it all about? I better get off to bed. I’m still only half asleep.

I take off my singlet and pants; think about my warm bed, and just how good it will soon feel, to be under inside of it. I turn the fan off. Too cold for that. A little time later I am asleep. I can only attest to this because later on I would wake up…

I am dreaming. Although here in the moment, I wouldn’t know it. The ‘now’ isn’t really debatable right now. I am walking, or on my way, walking towards home. An empty bus appears, he seems to be going my way; I’ll hitch a ride. I get on. We get to talkin. Where can he drop me off? He asks. Hmmm, somewhere near home, I don’t have to go and be taken all the way. It is here I decide to take a shower.
Despite not seeing it, I know there is a shower cubicle on this bus. I let him know of my intention. He seems fine with it. I take off my top and pants. I lay all my clothes down across a seat. All except my pants, I lay them in the seat behind the rest. Neatly. I’m naked I guess. I don’t look down to see my body, but I assume so. I don’t feel abnormal about this at all. I wonder how the shower will go while this huge lump of steel moves. Not too sure about this. In conversation with the driver, as it had never really ceased, I told him a good place to stop, let me shower and then be on my way. He doesn’t mind at all. Kind man. As we’re approaching the last hill before getting towards my homes suburb, I point out to him, that I live in Airds. He must have asked where I was from. He misheard me the first time. I repeat my homes name. He says something. I tell him its home, but really, I’ve always been lost, since birth in fact. I then know what line comes next, as corny as it sounds; I knew it to be true. I’m lost, had been since birth but I’m finding my way home. I’m finding my way home. I tell him where he can stop. College road. That’s where the bus depot is, home isn’t too far from it for me either. It has balance in its place. It’s dark. Seems to be early mornin. I’m close to having that shower, but I get a wild idea in my head, what if this guy wants to oppress me, end me where I stand. This lonesome road is the place to do it. The first half of this road is dark and natural, near the bottom end, is the bus depot, orange lights giving a certain presence. Maybe we should head towards the lights. With a sense of safety.

Out of nowhere the bus is tumbling down this road at such a speed. Seemed wild. The thought of a shower seemed nowhere to be seen now. I was up on top of this bus, right at the back. Without really noticing the bus all that much, I gathered it was now as wide as my shoulders. How peculiar. It would surely tip over on this winding road. It’s still dark. It’s crazy. It’s fun. I can feel the wind on my face. I can see the bushland trees around the edges of the road. But just outlines. Looked amazing. In one direction, one could see the slight edges of a rising sun. Looked beautiful. Meanwhile, will we get to a stopping point on this bus? As crazy as ever. I’m holding on for dear life. I notice some people, maybe three of them. I feel like if we crash now, I’d really look the fool. I just hold on and think I bet you’ve never seen someone do this before. I’m sure they hadn’t. What was I doing?

The next moment, some things changed. We were suddenly in the air. Very gracefully. Like a bird, only much heavier. But we were doing it. Airds wasn’t far away at all. He was going to take me home. Seemed to be flying in circular motions. I dint want him to drop me at home. I wanted to go the last few steps myself. I noticed three people, in my yard. It felt like the bus was coming in for a landing. It was. From west to east, it was heading for the driveway. On descent, something occurred to me.

I let go of the moving bus. I told the driver, I’m just dreaming, so I’m gonna stay up here for a while. He keeps descending. Meanwhile. I’m Lucid Dreaming.

I start by realising that I rarely find myself in the air. I seem to like to do swimming like movements with my arms. Breaststroke I think it is. Feeling the currents of the air. I’m amazed I’m flying. Then I decide to dart around, in a circular motion. Clockwise. Fairly fast speed here. With speed, I adopt the superman pose, one fist up in front of me. What a trip. I know I could go anywhere I want to. Even the stars themselves could have a visit. At times I go in low, real low, other times; I do something or other, and am gaining in height again. I could do this for hours upon hours. Maybe forever. Ok, maybe not forever. I know these moments have to end. I notice that those 3 people are still in my yard. Just inside the back gates. I go down and land. On my feet too…

I land near them. Everything is so very clear. Two girls and a guy. Some talking occurs. Meanwhile I’m standing there thinking, these people are very stable for dream characters. The guy was an old memory from my school days. The two girls, well the one I was lookin at, she was definitely only a dream character. Couldn’t believe she didn’t exist beyond this moment. She was beautiful. Like a more plump lookin Maggie Gyllenhaal. I sensed these people hadn’t a clue as their own position amongst it all. I didn’t like that. We all make a move towards the back gate, which is literally right behind me, we’d venture into the front yard. But first. I reach over to this girl, possibly putting a hand on her neck, softly, and give a one off open mouthed kiss. No tongue. Just a soft kiss on the lips. I stopped and made my way out from the back to the front, with Simon. The girls behind us spoke. Between themselves. The one who hadn’t been kissed, the one I never really did see spoke with surprise. At what had just occurred. It was amazing. For I never do get the girl. Ever. This time. I took the chance. Glad I did. So was she. Although she was still unconscious. Had to be I guess. Although I didn’t like it that way one bit. She seemed too real, so real. Oh and the kiss felt like gold by the way.

So I attempt to tell Simon of his dream state. He doesn’t believe me, which is all too typical. No one wants to believe they’re merely a dream being dreamed by another. Can’t blame him. But I can try. I begin to tell him to choose a number. Pick one, and when I next see you, I’ll ask for it. If you are awake right now, you’ll have the answer, if not, you would have been a dream. It did seem logical at the time. He was holding something in his hands. He would now, at that later point, name the object he’s now holding with a number of his choice. Yeah real logical. (So illogical in fact, that I at no point in this lucid dream, questioned the past. Which is a little disturbing. I had no debate for it. I was only aware of the ‘now’).

It seemed we were now walkin away from my home. Down the blackened road. In trying to convince him. I had wasted some time. I started to feel a loss. Slowly I could feel my body in bed. I couldn’t trick myself to stay in the dream. I opened my eyes. With not a single brake in consciousness.

I felt pleased. A touch of longing, to get back and talk with these 3 people. But with no shame. What can I do!?!

I check the time. Then close my eyes. I make out all that had just happened. Made it stay clear and put. So I could write it down from memory. The memory of the actual experience, the memory of thinking in retrospect. Makes it all stay solid. Instead of drifting into mild outlines of mild ways and objects. Rather I wrote what I did above and get it to you that way. It was a pleasure to write about it. I loved its vibe.

Although I still wonder about…the lack of questions for the past. At one point in there, in the backyard, lucid as can be. I told the 3 about the bus ride. Like I said, I had no time to debate the past. I was aware of the ‘now’ and the past was what ever happened to occur. As crazy as that bus trip was…