Is the merits of relationships worth the heartbreak

**Carôusoul** · 10-29-2007 10:59 PM

I'm wondering myself.

edit: sorry about the awful grammar on the thread title.

**Original Poster** · 10-30-2007 12:16 AM

You is forgiven

**Adam** · 10-30-2007 12:24 AM

In my experience, no.

Show me a girl that will not break your heart and I might change my mind... So far, not much luck, and I am not 26 - I think I have given up all hope and trust in women to be fair! And no matter how good, the good times feel, that gut wrenching feeling when she breaks your heart is a lot worse, and I have to question if it is all worth it, and I can't help feel every new relationship I get into from now, the good times are going to seem less so, because I will be waiting for the day she does what every other girl has done to me...

You can play this for me now too...

**Michael** · 10-30-2007 12:27 AM

No. But not because of the "heartbreak". More like because I don't want to spend money, or be with the same person.

**Original Poster** · 10-30-2007 01:40 AM

I'd just like to say that its cynical to believe that every girl will break your heart.

I'd say 4 out of 5 will, and in the end maybe 1 in 15 could be the right type of girl for you, but for that 1 that you come across that you can trust to an infinite degree it becomes absolutely worth it to go through all the shit it takes to get there.

You get out what you put in. If you aren't willing to make an effort to find happiness, it may never come. It isn't out looking for you and it isn't in the first five or even ten girls you get into a relationship with, usually.

**Burns** · 10-30-2007 02:07 AM

Of course mostly everyone that is in a happy relationship will say "yes" and everyone who isn't will say "no".
Depends on who you ask. I vote yes.

**Original Poster** · 10-30-2007 02:25 AM

Actually Burns I am not happily in a relationship. I've had one good relationship my entire life and I'm still recovering from the heart ache that its ending has brought to me.

**Mes Tarrant** · 10-30-2007 03:05 AM

I tend to be quite optimistic about these things. I think in the end it will be all worth it.

Like you'll meet someone and think, "Ahhh, now everything that has ever happened finally makes sense."

**tkdyo** · 10-30-2007 03:13 AM

I have been in and LDR for three years now, and I can tell you that I have jumped back and forth over this line of yes and no a few times. I believe, however, that I have finally settled on yes. This girl has never broken my trust....she can make a HUGE deal out of little things, just like any woman....but as ominus says, finding that one girl you can infinatly trust is worth all of the searching it takes to get to her.

I am young in my family (22 years younger than my oldest brother) and have seen my oldest brother and several of my cousins grow old without someone. They are lonely and regretting not putting in the effort to finding someone. On the other hand my other 3 siblings, and umpteen of my cousins, have gotten married and had children and they seem much more happy. So I would say that has lent greatly to me keeping the faith in a good loving relationship.

**SKA** · 10-30-2007 03:16 AM

I have only had 2 relationships, cuz when it comes to that I am quite serious. It doesn't happen often that I am intrueged or even impressed by a lady. Both my relationships were with girls I was madly in love with and had strong feelings for.

My last relationship ended abruptly when my (ex) girl suddenly, without letting me know why, broke up with me. Oh boy do I know the meaning of the phenomenon "broken heart".
To this day I am still not quite myself and there is a residual sadness. MAN I have suffered from that heartbreak.

And YET I say: It was all worth it. Every step of the way. Love, true love, to me is such a sacred, beautyfull thing that it is well worth the hassle and even the heartbreak, although eversince my heart was broken so severely I have become more carefull. It hurts me to have those beautyfull memories of her and knowing it will never be so again. And yet, eventhough she treated me so harsh and mean, I still thank her for the precious memories. I actually spoke to her on MSN not too long ago, about half a year after she had left me, and let her know that I missed her and that my memories of her were precious.

I haven't become negative by all the negativity of my last relationship. I remain positive and if a lovely lady bumps into me I am more than willing to give her a chance. Allthough I will certainly take some time to get to know her better, before I would even DARE call it a relationship.

You know I am actually writing a Ska-song (big surpise huh?

) and the lyrics, of wich I only have the Chorus yet, are exactly about this Subject.
Chorus:
-------
Love love love, I am a slave to you.
No matter how bad you hurt me I will allways be True. Ohoh
The Grin on my face will not be leaving today,
Cause she just looked me in the eyes and blew my troubles away.

Excuse me will you pick me up when I drop,
Cause I'll keep Skanking till my heart's gunna stop.
(Repeat last 2 lines)

Gotta stay positive

Love; What a Delicious Suffering, Such a Sweet Surrender and Glorious Defeat.
Hey I might add that last line to the Lyrics of my Song

**Original Poster** · 10-30-2007 03:20 AM

I would also say its stupid to assume that you will click with someone and never have any problems. In every relationship there will be a time when you just want to give up, because they can be hard work and if you can't put in a little effort (actually, a hell of a lot of effort) then they may never last. My strategy goes as follows:

Let her make her peace, don't try to shut her up when she's pissed about something because she'll just deposit it, so let her get all that annoying crap out of her system.

Listen, don't even bother responding if she's all pissy cause it won't mean jack, just tell her you'll go back to it after you've both cooled down.

Go back to it when you've delegated the matter to yourself and work it out with her.

Yeah, I'm practically spamming this thread, but I have a lot to say on relationships.

**Spartiate** · 10-30-2007 03:46 AM

It seems that the older you get, the harder it is and the more time it takes to mend a broken heart. You get to a point where your partner becomes a pillar of support that you depend on, the person that makes the rough day "all worthwhile". Well having that pillar suddenly snatched away can lead to some nasty falls

... That's why I've been getting WAY... how should I say... pickier? over the last few years... I can live with being alone, so at this point I'd rather just wait whatever time it takes to find the perfect match for me, rather than just "settle" for something that will go nowhere and that will be a waste of my time. When you're young, every relationship is a learning experience, but later on, every failed relationship is just an obstacle that delays your life.

**Replicon** · 10-30-2007 04:16 AM

I voted no. If you are constantly getting heartbroken and not learning anything, the common denominator is not "all the girls that hurt you", it's YOU. Every time you're told "It's not you, it's me", it really IS you, at least on SOME level.

**Mes Tarrant** · 10-30-2007 05:26 AM

Originally Posted by Replicon

I voted no. If you are constantly getting heartbroken and not learning anything, the common denominator is not "all the girls that hurt you", it's YOU. Every time you're told "It's not you, it's me", it really IS you, at least on SOME level.

That always reminds me of this one 30 year old friend I have. He has had a billion girlfriends, all ended terribly. I'm thinking that after so many failed attempts, there must be something that he's consistently doing wrong.

On the other hand though, perhaps in his type of case he consistently just goes for the same i.e. wrong type of girl? Bah. Who knows.

**kichu** · 10-30-2007 06:05 AM

Yes.

**Adam** · 10-30-2007 11:51 AM

Yeah I agree I think most peoples answer will depend on their current situation, and the majority in relationships will say yes, they are worth it, but I think that is mainly down to them being in a relationship, a good relationship and knowing how good that feels, and at this moment in time it might seem like that would never end. But I think for the people who do get hurt and shit on, constantly, will feel very differently..

I have been in a couple long term relationships, and at the time couldn't have been happier, and yeah lost all inhibitions and totally went with the relationship and gave my all to it, and that’s when you are more venerable to being hurt, which is why it hurts so damn much, when you put that much into something, or someone you love, only to have it destroyed is a horrible thing, that quite frankly I never want to go through again... I guess I am fortunate that at 26 I can be a bit more selective now, in knowing that the next person I get with will hopefully be the last person I need to meet, that one who will unconditionally love me, like I want to love them!

I am through with the dating game, I wear my heart on my sleeve and don't like the whole, working though girls thing, I will leave that to the pretty boys and players, and my friend Michael lol.

I read something, somewhere that 50% of marriages now fail, okay I read this in more than one place, because it sounded so high, has it really come to the point in our society where a marriage is not for life? That there is not one person out there for you? I don’t know... All I know is coming from a broken family, and being shat on by every girl I have met, does not fill you with much confidence going forward, and you cant help but expect it to happen again..

pj · 10-30-2007 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by Burns

Of course mostly everyone that is in a happy relationship will say "yes" and everyone who isn't will say "no".
Depends on who you ask. I vote yes.

Of course I vote 'yes,' and that after having my heart broken a few times before finding the 'right one'.

It is SO worth it. But there is no way to know that unless and until you find a really good relationship.

**Burns** · 10-30-2007 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by pj

Of course I vote 'yes,' and that after having my heart broken a few times before finding the 'right one'.

It is SO worth it. But there is no way to know that unless and until you find a really good relationship.

Yes, exactly

**bro** · 10-30-2007 07:44 PM

I would say yes...you're not going to find anyone good if you don't recognize the bad, the people that certainly won't work for you...that's my take on it...though it is rather painful to think about it like that.

**Carôusoul** · 10-30-2007 08:58 PM

I'm in a bad situation on this one.

I'm on the way into a happy relationship, and because it feels so good, I'm taking cue from mr Shaun Kingston, who speaks the truth:

"Your way too beautiful girl,

thats why it'll never work,

you'll have me suicidal, when you say its over"

Im in two minds of whether to pursue this one. because that song is seeming horribly probable.

I voted No.

**Adam** · 10-30-2007 09:17 PM

Yeah I hear you there! I am like you, it's hard because in the beginning, you don't want to be too distant from her, but at the same time, if you are really into her it is hard not to..

But you know deep down, it is not her fault, the other girls did what they did, you have to give her the same chance as before, no matter how defensive you will be...

**tkdyo** · 10-30-2007 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by bro

I would say yes...you're not going to find anyone good if you don't recognize the bad, the people that certainly won't work for you...that's my take on it...though it is rather painful to think about it like that.

He's got a valid point. Most people dont think of dating this way, but this is exactly what it is. Like the philosophy goes, if you did not know pain you would not know happiness.

I would say YES, pursue this girl if you believe it to be heading in that direction...just make sure you really know what you like and dont like about her first, lust never lasts forever as Im sure you know...if you do that then if you guys dont work out you will know exactly why and what flaws are not compatible for you. So the next time some crazy beauty catches your eye but has the same flaws you know to steer clear!!!!

**Lord Toaster** · 10-30-2007 09:20 PM

Originally Posted by Carôusoul

I'm in a bad situation on this one.

I'm on the way into a happy relationship, and because it feels so good, I'm taking cue from mr Shaun Kingston, who speaks the truth:

"Your way too beautiful girl,

thats why it'll never work,

you'll have me suicidal, when you say its over"

Im in two minds of whether to pursue this one. because that song is seeming horribly probable.

I voted No.

That is SO freaky! I was just humming that song and trying to work out what it was... I heard it about a week ago in Paris on MTV. Then I clicked on this thread and saw the words to it!

I wouldn't count myself qualified to offer judgement on the thread topic though

**Carôusoul** · 10-30-2007 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by Adam

Yeah I hear you there! I am like you, it's hard because in the beginning, you don't want to be too distant from her, but at the same time, if you are really into her it is hard not to..

But you know deep down, it is not her fault, the other girls did what they did, you have to give her the same chance as before, no matter how defensive you will be...

This is so messed up. Ive set myself the challenge of being distant from her for a week. need to stay level headed at this stage; or im really gonna get hurt haha.

yeah, she's nice. for all I know she's the real deal; but thats what we think every single time..

Damn testosterone to hell.