Weighing John McClane Against Baraka Obama

**Bearsy** · 10-10-2008 06:56 AM

As we all know, this presidential election it is very important we are all well informed of the candidates. I feel there is no better way to learn about a man than looking at his past. That said, lets do so.

There is no denying that John McClane is a war hero who not only bleeds red but white and blue as well. When he killed those German terrorists in his first documentary, Die Hard, I knew he was bound to become president. By the time he stopped those other terrorists at the airport and then that crazy guy in New York with Samuel L. Jackson I was wondering what has gone wrong with America for this guy not to already be president fighting global and galactic terrorism. How fitting though, only when he saves the financial institution and our technology does he have a chance of finally becoming our emperor, lord knows we can't live without money and intranet porn.

Then again, look who he's running against. Baraka Obama, well noted as one of Mortal Kombat's best characters and one of Earth realm's most valued young politicians. Before you ask, no, he's not a Muslim, though his fatality is still just as awesome as it would be if he were. He promises to find Osama Bin Laden's villa and, after uppercutting him through the roof, slice him into 500 pieces with his deadly arm blades.

It really is a tough decision, Baraka... McClane... I just don't know who'd get the job done better. While Baraka is clearly lacking McClane's experience in handling terrorism he does have swords coming out of his arms and it's a proven fact that people with arm blades can, to put it eloquently, fuck shit up.

I shouldn't joke about the election, it's already enough of a joke on its own