Losing A Loved One ...

**nanobyte** · 11-20-2006 08:48 PM

A few nights ago I dreamed that my little sister died. The pain that I felt was the most intense I ever experienced (waking and dreaming).

Images of her being happy, the vacation experiences we had together and things she loved to do flashed through my mind.

I remembered how she looked up to me (without ever admitting it) and how I had always tried to be good role model. It immediately hit me that I had never spent enough time with her. All the years that flew by when we grew up together as teenagers without ever doing much together or talk to each other much.

I quickly realized I had missed the chance and that I would never be able to talk to her again. Never see her smile again, never hug her again. I felt so sorry, it was a terrible mistake.

I always felt that it was my duty to protect her and now I had failed. It wasn't my fault she died - nevertheless I felt extremely guilty. My father once asked her whom she would trust most to safe her life - and she picked me. I felt so sorry to have disappointed her so badly.

I remembered what the last thing she said to me was, the last thing I had said to her, and I wished I would have simply told her how much I love her. I had never done - even once.

I went to her grave, could see her name on the cross and nothing made sense anymore. I missed her so much, knowing that she would never exist again, for eternity - how special she was, that no one was like her.

It occured to me that I had always lived with the presumption that one day, one day I would make up for all the time that I missed being with her and that this day would have never come.

I realized we only have a small timeframe on a never ending time bar, and that we must absolutely use every single second we have - and spend it with our loved ones. Experiencing life with your loved ones, especially your siblings, to whom you have a very strong and special connection, is extremely important.

When I awoke from the dream, I had tears in my eyes. The dream was so intense that throughout the day I burst into tears several times and was angered how stupid I had been, how I could not have realized how much I loved her earlier, how unfriendly and rude I was with her at times, called her things, wasn't more patient and relaxed when we had arguments.

The good thing is that she is still alive. I'm 23 now and she is 18. There is still time to make up a little bit for the mistakes from the past.

It was the most clear, vidid and most logically structured dream I have ever had. I knew I was dreaming and could set the general direction, but once the wave of grief washed over me it became independent.

I am so grateful that I could have this experience. It opened my eyes. I now totally believe in the power of dreams!

**Lyla** · 11-20-2006 09:13 PM

I'm glad a dream could change your life in such a way!

That also happened to me a lot of times, I had several dreams of each close family member dying, all dreams from which I woke up crying. I think each of them changed me in a way, changed the way I see and appreciate the my family and my friends...

**Stuart ZX** · 11-20-2006 10:03 PM

I fell sorry for you, that must have been awful to experience.

It was the most clear, vidid and most logically structured dream I have ever had. I knew I was dreaming and could set the general direction, but once the wave of grief washed over me it became independent.[/b]

If something like this happens again, don't panic. Always remember that this is your Lucid dream that you've (probably) worked your a** off to get, so don't be afraid to get angry, although I know that anger probably wasn't the best emotion to use then. Hope your LDs get better.

PS Welcome to Dreamviews!

**Burns** · 11-21-2006 04:39 AM

Wow - great post, Nanobyte. I'm sorry you had that dream, but in a way it was a good thing. I can imagine the relief that washed over you the instant you realized you had been dreaming.

I also have a younger sister and I've had a couple dreams like this - maybe not as structured or realistic, but the grief and depression were the same. It really makes you appreciate her. Luckily, my sister and I are best friends and we talk a lot about how we couldn't manage without the other - so I know she knows I love her - but it doesn't make a dream like that any better - it's worse, if possible.

I think you were meant to have this dream for a reason - and I think you know that too.

Congratulations on your epiphany, and welcome to Dreamviews. Enjoy your stay.

**ExoByte** · 11-21-2006 07:06 AM

Greetings Nanobyte. Cool name!

I too know the pain of losing a loved one, dreaming and in reality. Its a harsh feeling, and it hits you hard. It can change you for the better, or for the worse. I am glad it has changed you for the better.

The loss of a loved one can be the hardest thing one can endure, and I can easily understand how real your dream must've seemed, and how hard it must've hit you. The feeling a dream like that can give is intense, and can be a revelation of sorts.

I had a dream, where my closest friend who I have known since birth was violently murdered. We together have experianced the pain of death, and have been through a lot. To see her hurt in such a way... it killed me inside. I was injured myself, and could not move. I could only watch as she screamed in pain, and I felt so helpless and just wanted it to end, but it wouldnt. You can find it in my dream journal if you wish. Upon awakening from that dream, at 3:30am, I immediatly called her just to talk to her. It is intense, and there isnt much more than that to say.

Its a good thing you interpreted the messege your mind was giving to you, good luck.

Again, welcome to Dream Views!

**Slight** · 11-22-2006 11:09 AM

I know what kind of love to a sister you are talking about. I feel the same way as you .. I noticed that while living abroad though, not through a dream. But great to hear that dreams will also make you notice ...

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