Thread: Death In The Family

My Nana died at a little after 1 in the morning today. She just fell asleep and never woke up. When she could talk, she would start to say something to me, then smile or say she forgot. When she couldn't talk, she would try to speak these long, elaborate sentences. She had been wanting to say something for a while since she got out of the hospital and on hospice. She went as peacefully as in my dream, her body movements and facial expressions her last few days were a rerun of my dream. I knew it was coming soon. I told my bf about my dream a while ago and told him how she never got the message through to me. He think she never told because I knew. I'll never forget the last time I spoke to her I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me.

My bf is under the belief that she conected with me and gave me that dream, that she knew it was coming and entered my dream one night. I wasn't in the happiest of moods and asked, "So, all those other dreams you think are people reaching out to me to tell me they're dying?" and he said, "I think it's possible, but not like that's the only thing you'll see" I kinda laughed and said, "Well, what about one of my dreams with the girls? I knew none of them" and he said, "Maybe not yet."

I dunno, I miss her. I'm so happy she made her decision based on what she wnated and not on others. I stand by it and will tell anyone it was the best choice because it was her own. I just miss her and don't understand why she'd pick me (saying this is true) and not anyone else. I should feel priveleged and I do. Maybe she just wnated someone prepared? I grieved for her before she went into the hospital (I know that sounds bad). While she was at home, I tried making people laugh and was succesful most of the time. I didn't cry and always spoke to her like nothing was wrong until the last night. I couldn't help it, she was trying so hard to talk to me. Everyone else she seemed to have small sentences and she'd just smile so big when she'd see me enter the room. Her face would look frustrated when I woudln't be able to understand. So, I broke down just a little bit near the end.

My bf thinks she knew I could easily have lucid dreams and probably could herself and wnated to see me. I don't know, I just miss her. Which is okay but I know her pain is over and that makes me smile.

My older brother is still in shock, not accepting it. My mother is out of it. I'm looked at funny for having a straight face and creating smiles when I see my family members come by.