Yeh, I kinda know the feeling. I have never been a determined person in my life and I have given up so many "hobbies", if you want to call them that (or perhaps a better word is single-serving interests), that it's actually funny at this stage. I blame it on many things. I blame it on genes, since my mother says that she used to be interested in most of the things I am now, only to have given up. I blame it on my curious nature which seems to manifest itself with my inability to not try out new and interesting drugs.
I blame it on lack of time.
And every night before I go to bed, I am determined as hell to have a lucid dream. The one thing I do not lack is belief. From what I have read, ANYONE can have them. I am even beginning to experiment with astral projections, but needless to say I have not succeeded in that either.
But when I wake up in the morning it's a different story. It's as if, I was delusional the night before. I laugh at my petty attempts at trying to induce lucidity and I do not even bother to write down my dreams, because I don't see any point. During the day, I totally forget to do reality checks as well.
I suppose you just have to keep trying.. It's easier said, I know, but I am not trying to be condescending or anything, since I've achieved fuck all myself..
There is something that I can do very well, though. Something very small and insignificant. And I used to think that I could never learn how to do this thing. Eight months have passed. And now not only my friends, but most people that witness me doing this thing seem to comment on my alleged "talent" and dub me as a "legend". I look back to eight months ago, and I can remember that feeling of hopelessness. Now, I laugh at that feeling, and when other people ask me how can they learn to do that, the only thing I can genuinely say to them is, "Practice, practice, practice..."
That has little relevance to lucid dreams, that's just my two cents I suppose. But what stops me from being a quitter is just imagining myself eight months from now thinking, "Fuck me! Lucid dreaming is so cool, I can't believe I thought I couldn't do it!" And I really hope that someday I'll be able to say that...
And so, I accept my humble status as lucid novice, and I'm willing to put my head down and just practice. Without this approach lucid dreaming would already be just a part of my wasted past, along with karate, guitar, piano and all those other things I wished I could do.
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