Dear Heshy,
The general popular assumption is that dreams are experienced by the Self, that is, by the same self that that had gone to sleep. It is an easy mistake to make, since the experience seems to be in the First Person -- it feels like ourself. And in most cases when the Dreamer sees its reflection in a mirror, it even looks like ourself. So the inference is that the Dream Self is the same person as the Waking Self.
But, no, not really.
In ordinary dreams, the Dreamer is the Dream Persona. The Dream Persona is a kind of twin to the Waking Self -- similar but not the same. There is a enough shared consciousness so that there is a degree of Dream Recall, but the Dream Persona is to a large extent, its own Man.
Well, it does get complicated.... you see, the purpose of Lucid Dreaming, over all, is to help integrate the Waking Self and the Dream Persona. Everyone must probably notice that the Dream Persona is a bit crude and primitive compared to the Waking Self (though some people seek out this primal return to a carefree amorality as a kind of a vacation from the cares and responsibilities of Real Life). Lucidity is a maturation process where the Waking Self and the Dreaming Persona reconcile their differences and move toward becoming the same Entity.
Once you understand that, then you can understand the context of your particular problem.
What seems to have happened is that when you fall asleep, you are having a problem even locating your Dream Persona. Your Dream Persona has effectively abandoned your Waking Self. To use a Spiritual Metaphor, you have LOST YOUR SOUL.
It might just be because you are a Doper, but probably I would guess that there is something even more significant going on in your life. You should concentrate and think back. What have you done so that you would have alienated your Soul?
Have you done something so morally or aesthetically distasteful that even the Primitive Dream Persona would have been repulsed by it?
'Party hardy' is one thing, but one as a human being should be careful not to descend beyond certain depths.
If you are able to discern a cause for this Alienation, then you might be able to rectify the problem by apologizing to your Dream Persona and by promising to be more discrete in the future.
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