Thread: My 30 Years of 'Loose Dream Control'

I think I was controlling dreams before I was lucid about dreams.

(Disclaimer I am totally new to the idea of doing active research on dreaming. All I know are my dream experiences. This is the first I've ever written about it)

After what happened in my dream two nights ago I was finally compelled to google on the internet for 'Dream Control'

I found this site and have been reading the forums a bit for two days.

A short history on me: (skip to the next bold line if this doesn't matter)

I'm 37 and feel 22.

My father was abusive to my mother until I was in 8th grade or so. I was shielded very well from this abuse towards my mother by my two older brothers. Regardless I'm sure this had an impact on me.

I started doing Tai Chi and Hsing-I martial arts in 10th grade (martial arts and meditations) and stopped with I joined the US Army at 18 as an Infantryman. After the Army I went to college and I am now a computer programmer.

I again restarted training Tai Chi and Hsing-I again 10 years ago (www.hsing-i.com if you really want to know). I still do this today. I am very active: mountain bike, rock climb, scuba dive, hike, play paintball, swing dance (9 years now), been to EMT school twice, have done many paramedic ride-alongs, etc. I started playing bass guitar back in 1992 (stopped about 1998). (BTW I am sorry if none of this history stuff matters =/)

I feel I am a very competent person. I know how to fight with my body very well, and I know how to use modern infantry weapons. I have excellent people skills (mostly due to observing my older brother and reading some communication/dating/self help books and the swing dancing social scene). I take leadership roles whenever possible if I feel qualified to lead the task at hand.

I am also a very prepared person (glock 19 handgun loaded in my underwear drawer, police grade pepper spray, and a stun gun and a threat 3 armored vest in the closet.) I've always been protective of my friends ever since I've felt confident enough to protect them (18 years old or so) because I've always felt something big (no idea what) is going to come destabilize our society and I have been compelled to be slightly prepared for it (no I am not a hardcore survivalist, I don't even like camping ' but I do own about 7 firearms, ammunition and have some camping supplies in the closet) ' I hardly ever shoot anymore, and when I do its just for fun to see how well I can hit a paper target. Having this stuff makes me feel safe 'just in case'

Dam that was long.

Ok,

First Lucid Dream Experience (well my first controlling experience):

7 Years old:
At 7 I was just a kid with nightmares... most often being tickled/restrained by this abstract black ghost/creature (the tickle sensation was very real and very annoying - I think my body was tensing in real life)... then one day I felt I had some control of the situation. I started to interact verbally with this creature... I still didn't know I was dreaming but very quickly I was controlling the outcomes, via distracting it through conversation, we became friends basically (I would see it often) and then those particular dreams stopped all together.

Years 8 to 20 or so:
After that I think for the most part my dreams became mild and uneventful to the point where I would hardly ever remember any dreams at all. When I remembered anything it would be out of mind 15 minutes after I awoke. Dreams were a non factor in my life.

Years 20 on:

I guess I started having 'uncomfortable dreams' again (due to stress?) In my twenties but I didn't have nightmares in the sense of terror. They were always risk oriented dreams (e.g. fist fights (I have always won these by a large margin), car chases, rock climbing, helping people at a car accident scene, etc.)

Ah, also I do have repeating dreams where my weapons fail to function correctly or are missing parts. This is my only consistent uncomfortable dream.

Through sheer effort I can 'tweak' the outcome of these uncomfortable dreams. I kind of like ride the dream, slighting modifying things as I go along. (just looking away and concentrating on 'graying out' what I didn't want to be there, upon looking back it was gone, I usually didn't remember what the uncomfortable thing was because my dream shifted radically at that point) - Note I am not aware that I am dreaming during this. Also sometimes this 'graying out' would FAIL and I would have to force myself awake.

I started to be able to force myself awake from dreams I didn't like. I truly feels like physical effort, I feel like I am pushing through (this process grays out the dream) and when I do wake up I feel a tremendous 'WOOSH!' sensation (it's like my skin wakes up at once, feels kind of cold). I am wide awake and usually thinking 'wow. Dam that was intense.'

Sometimes after this push I would have false awakings ' thinking I was awake but I was just dreaming awaking in my bedroom. Things would seem off and I'd push a second time, this one waking practically ever time. ('WOOSH!&#39

I'd have dreams where I would take fatal wounds but Live. All the damage I ever take only feels 'kind of a weird pressure' (gunshots, cuts, etc.) the initial brief mental shock was there due to the impact but I still could function after the trauma. This usually confused me and the dream would shift off completely from there or the wounds would become a non factor and disappear and I would continue on, the threat or danger disappearing out into the grey.

I have ALWAYS been able to breath underwater. And when I do this, and in my dream IT SEEMS NORMAL TO ME. My thinking is: 'ah, I'm underwater, I can breathe, what am I suppose to be doing down here?' and then I observe. It does not seem out of the ordinary.

I can fall asleep very easily. Even when I am not tired. I can make myself fall asleep by meditation 95% of the time. Even if I am caffeinated up (but this takes more focus meditative effort to descend downward) - I use the same breathing as in my martial meditations. I feel my body sink into the bed on every exhale. Most often I remain very aware of my breathing and the sinking feeling and then suddenly I am asleep (not dreaming though)

In my twenties:

First Lucid Dream: I first remember saying out loud to myself in the dream: 'Huh, I'm dreaming. Cool.' I remember just slowly scanning around at my almost normal environment. Things I would focus on would become more detailed, others things would blur away. When I was lucid I always felt very safe so I never was compelled to STRONGLY control and outcome. I kind of feel that over-control can shift a dream apart into confusion. I Just pay attention and ride it. When I do this more often than not I would forget I was dreaming but still feel somewhat in control. The best way I can explain this is 'Loose-Control.'

After years of this it seemed I stopped dreaming all together. What I think happened is my dreams happened but I just controlled their evolution and they remained mild, mostly uneventful and nothing my brain really considered worthy of remembrance.

Recently I've been going through a LOT of stress due to having a hard time finding a job (found a good one finally) ' I think this catalyst kicked off Lucid Dreaming for me again.

Now it seems I am aware of my dreams but I don't try and over-control them. I just let them evolve and I 'tweak' them.

Now

Less than a year ago I was talking to someone in my dream. I realized I was dreaming and carefully (I'm not sure how to explain carefully in this context) asked for his phone number. Everything to that point was crystal clear conversation but my trying to hear and write this phone number down turned into a blur and his words were blurry too' But I knew if I could get a number I would force wake up myself and call it. It didn't work, blurred words made no sense' and the dream shifted.

Two days ago:

I could go into fantastic detail about this dream.

Here's what I typed into my palm pilot at 230 am est. Tuesday morning July 25 2006:

office cleaning business to sex event to comic knife fight to
group beach event on cliff, unknown person to light conversation to
embracing
Jennifer wilson highschhool in wilson va - asked for middle initial &
asked for phone #, she got angry, walked away, mentioned dance event?

That's what I wrote. Basically it comes down to I was at a beach, on area that had about a 40 foot drop to the sand below. There was a group of people (seniors I think) listening to a guide of sorts. There was a girl there. Right when I was aware of her, I was in love with her. She was blurry but I could tell she had a white shirt, blonde hair and fair skin. We talked briefly as complete strangers and then it just felt right to embrace each other without words. There was a closeness that I can only describe as love. I love her. And I know what love is.

Again I didn't say to myself 'I am dreaming! Hahaah! cool!'. What I did feel was, well.. I FELT LIKE I WAS TRYING TO HIDE (TO MY DREAM) THAT I WAS EXERTING EFFORT TO CONTROL THE DREAM, or keep it from Greying out. Jeez that sounds weird' I felt a strong need (love) to see if I could find her: I asked her: 'What's your name' she clearly stated: Jennifer Wilson'' ok I knew not to ask her for her phone number so I took another step: 'Where did you go do high school?' She said Wilson, Virginia. I thought 'What? Hmmm That's a serious coincidence.' Then I asked 'What is your phone number?' and she started to walk away getting angry at me for forgetting (I asked for her middle initial too). I let her walk away (as I don't interact with angry people, they make me angry). In her rant she mentioned something about an upcoming swing dance event.

She was gone. I started to Force Myself Awake. Strain. Boom. I was awake.

I grabbed my palm pilot but on it was a grayscale version of a video game on my PC. I pushed some buttons and nothing happened. I realized that this game cannot be on my palm pilot and I pushed again'

WOOSH! Yea. I'm awake now. I started typing the above into my palm pilot. Still feeling a sense of love for her (but not now though as that seems unrealistic/unattainable ' story of my life)

(I would like to add that I dream about sex A LOT (my control is biased that way maybe) Mostly with women I don't know) Sometimes I feel love for these women. I mean real heartache love&#39

After some reading of this site I see there are ways to cause dreams to happen. Can someone point me in the right direction ? I really have no idea where to look. =/

Thanks for reading the longest thing I've written in about 8 years.

(are there groups that meet about this stuff around? I just moved to Raleigh, NC about a year ago)