YOU'RE ALL SO WRONG!

Because, you see, right now, i'm that weird old man that dresses in white and controls the matrix. I have all of you plugged into it, and I actually find it quite amusing to poke big sticks at you and then watch you in the Matrix thinking "oh, I wonder what did that"?

SEE! SEE! I KNEW IT! THE MATERRRRIX HAS JOO, NEO.