Hello Everyone!

[StudioFire420]

Hi there everyone! My name is Chris and I'm from Philadelphia, PA, USA. I stumbled across this site kind of by accident, but I am so glad that I did. I wasn't looking into lucid dreaming at first, but after alot of research, I'm adding it to my to-do list :-) I'm going to appologise in advance for the length of my introduction, however, I feel that explaining myself is important. I will try to keep it as concise and strait to the point as possible: I recently lost my ability to dream, or so I thought... It was the recollection and recall that had stopped working. For most of my life I have had intense and vivid dreams, especially during my late teenage years that included much experimentation with psychedelic and halucinogenic drugs. Interestingly enough there are even some dreams that I can recall to this day from all the way back to my childhood. After an insanely traumatic year of life changing events, I was being plagued by depression which led to recurring nightmares every night. It had started affecting my sleep habits; I was crippled at work by extreme mood swings and frequently would start crying about the events that had passed. My primary physician prescribed me to Paxil (Paroxetine). Within a week or two I was feeling much more like my old self, and actually coming up with reasons why I should be happy that the events that took place, did. The nightmares transitioned into regular dreams once again. After about two months, they started becoming exceptionally vivid and intense to the point that I was unaware that they were dreams and upon waking, the imense improbability of the events from the dream would almost snap me back into reality with a force of sheer realisation. None of these dreams were documented in my journal with the exception of one. The others are lost for good... After about 9 months of counseling with an exceptional PhD, I was learning so much about myself and actually started research into every sub-topic that we would discuss. I started keeping a better journal and for awhile I was doing great. Due to awfull side effects, I had to discontinue the Paxil. At this time the withdrawl symptoms started: Out of body experiences, electrical zaps within my brain, and mind-trails. The dreams stopped seeming improbable upon waking, and at times, I would be confused and disoriented when I woke up. After another month or so, the withdrawl, and the disorienting dreams stopped. During the course of the counseling, I was trying to focus on my ADHD issues, and started inquiring about medications that would assist. After extensive personal research, I had come to the conclusion that Modafinil was the asnwer to my problems. My counseler disagreed because he believed that it might cause manic episodes in someone like me. Here is where everything gets confusing and complicated. My counseler canceled my appointment, and the following week canceled again, and informed me that he would no longer able to see me untill I was stabilized on medication. He e-mailed me a complete summary of his findings to the smallest detail. (Like I said, he was an exceptionally inteligent and thorough) His diagnosis: Borderline Personality Disorder (Bi-Polar tendencies, Passive agressive), Obsessive-Compulsive, ADHD (Also diagnosed as a child, along with being labled as mentally gifted at the age of 10). So I seeked out a Psychiatrist. First visit, I was given a perscription to Seroquel. I was confused because I knew that medication is an anti-psychotic. Nontheless, I started it. Emailed my prior counseler, who agreed with the trial. 100mg Seroquel at bedtime. This is where I believe my problem started. I don't think that in the month and a half on the seroquel alone had I a single dream, or remembered a single dream. However I would not realize that the dreams were missing untill much more recently. At my follow up visit, I mentioned the Modafinil. After much discussion he did prescribe me Armodafinil, the newer more purified version of it. After a week or two of the Armodafinil, I had seen a drastic inprovement in my personal schedule, motivation, and focus. I started doing research into the drug along with research into neurochemistry. (The Armodafinil was causing me to obsess over the subject) I stumbled across Nootropics, which Modafinil and Armodafinil are both considered to be. I started changing my routine, excercising, dietary and nutritional changes. Another two weeks went by and it was then that I realized that I was not dreaming at night. This sparked another several weeks of research into dreams and nootropic drugs. I was able to start dreaming again only after moving my B-Vitamin to 8pm, two hours before my new bedtime. It has been two weeks now, and I am having dreams again, but I am waking up several times thru the night, waking up groggy, and was only able to journalize one dream since, and have been thinking that the Seroquel has to go... I started cognitive training on Lumosity about a week ago and have noticed that my focus and attention has been improving during the day. Some of the things I have been looking into is St. Johns Wort, Valerian Root, DMAE, and 5-HTP. I then stumbled across this site earlier today, and am now very interested in becoming a lucid dreamer. I know now how important dreams are, and I realize that it will not be an easy road, but it is something that I have to do. I look forward to learning all I can from those who are experienced in the art of lucid dreaming. I'm sorry my intro was so long, but maybe it will help others help me in my personal development. I look forward to making some new friends and sharing my experiences along the way!!

[Caenis]

That really is a long intro post. I'm impressed. Welcome to DV, Chris. Sorry to read that you haven't been able to dream as much due to the medication. I hope you find a happy medium, but your mental health should be your priority. So you shared your past ability to dream, your journey to find adequate medication, and how each medication affected your dream recall. So why do you want to lucid dream? Did you have lucid dreams while you were a teenager? How did this struggle with mental health and medication lead you to researching lucid dreaming?