Not sure if I am actually Lucid Dreaming

[loneyakuza]

I actually just woke up and remember most of my dream. Anyways. the thing about when I dream is that it is not vivid. Ever. It is never like real life or like how it is supposedly portrayed in Inception. When I dream it is always very non-distinct, I don't really look at my surroundings much and I am usually not able to see much detail except perhaps to have the vague notion that there are high mountains around me, pine trees, a moon out, cloudy night sky etc. And some of the scenery seems more "narrated" than actually "seen" through my own eyes in the dreams. So it is definitely not like real life at all and nowhere near as "aware", especially because there will be often times periods of time when it feels as if there is a narrator narrating the dream like someone would tell a story in front of a fireplace. When the narrator is speaking its as if time has 'stopped' and you go into sort of a 'blackout' screen where there is just blackness or extremely blurry and indistinct "scenery." After a while I realized that I am always that narrator, using my "inner voice" to narrate. But is also feels like there is some other force guiding my narration and it is not completely my will or "my" mind speaking. Sometimes unexpected things will happen in my dreams such as say a big hulking monster appearing that I had not intended to be there (at least not "consciously"), but I am always able to "will" myself to suddenly have insane superpowers and able to defeat those "monsters" easily with whoever I am with at the time. And most of the "scenes" where there is no "verbal narration" usually play out like scenes in a movie and I am sort of like a camera and also "myself" in the non-narrated portions. Basically I am almost like "God" in my dreams, but there are always unexpected occurences, sometimes frightening, sometimes pleasant. But when there is ever a "threat" like some hulking monster, I am able to defeat it by giving myself "powers," such as being able to shoot lightning out of my hands or "bend" a certain element like in Avatar the Last Airbender (almost always lightning/fire or ice/water), the ability to do insane acrobatics, godly martial arts, invincibility, ability to jump extremely high and far or fly, etc.. Another example was when there was some kind of flying machine or UFO or something threatening.... and for some reason i decided to destroy it, so I jumped/flew up to where it was high in clouds, punched through its hull with my fist, then tore it in half, and jumped back down to where I was before as it exploded behind me. There are also many dreams where I am slicing and dicing or just beating up big crowds of "enemies" who are always indistinct and almost like clones of each other... sort of like Agent Smith in the Matrix except that they don't wear suits... well at least I don't remember them wearing suits... sometimes they might be enemy samurai or enemy soldiers or "bully-like" people. I am always running through them with a katana or using my martial arts to break joints, smash in faces, etc. And I seemingly never get injured and just "naturally' am able to dodge everything they throw at me. Sometimes they might come dangerously close to say slicing me with a sword or shooting me and I feel my heart rate rise and there is that feeling of fear/adrenaline, just like in real life when you almost get hit or are in a dangerous situation. However I stay in the dream, am aware that I am dreaming, and am able to control that fear and sometimes if I get pissed off enough I just "will" that enemy to evaporate or explode in a gory mess. As for setting, I am always "in the middle of things" when I realize I am lucid dreaming or when I first start dreaming. There is never a logical connection between my house/bedroom and where I end up in the dream. Sometimes I have repeated encounters with the same area in separate dreams, related to dreams I have had a few weeks ago. And it seems as if I am continuing "that storyline." So setting is really the only thing I have little or no control over. Anything related to me, I seem to be able to have total control over, as I am able to grant myself superpowers like invincibility or flight or being able to attack with fire or lightning at will. I am also always aware that I am dreaming. It never comes across my mind whether or not it is real because I can always tell that it is not real. So that can be somewhat disappointing. I can also wake up at will most of the time. Even when I cannot wake up for some reason, I don't really mind it because I have total control over myself and am basically a invincible in my dreams. Haha must sound like I have a very vivid and active imagination, and I do. I don't really think about this stuff in real life though I do very much like High Fantasy and superhero comics, but maybe part of my ability to fight so well in my dreams is that I know that in real life I am a decent fighter (I've trained and fought martial arts for 14 years, most recently full contaact, no protective gear, bare knuckle Kyokushin), I strength train/powerlift, and I have decent weapons skills. So maybe that confidence to be able to "hold my own" in real life translates into my dreams? And the next step is for me to get a girlfriend in my dreams hahahah.