How can I tell what my husband is dreaming about?

[thecleric]

I apologize if this has been discussed before in a previous thread (and if anyone would be kind enough to point me in the direction of related threads, I'd appreciate it more than you know.) I am SO curious as to what my husband is dreaming about. I don't think he is cheating on me at all, but I definetly know he is dreaming of someone other than me. He talks in his sleep sometimes, and between the things I can make out that he has said, and his sleep-actions, I know they are of a sexual nature. The rational side of me is (trying hard not to be so damn) jealous. I myself have had dreams of this nature as well, so I know better than to be a hypocrite, but... does anyone know how I can get more info out of him? Last night, he was sleep talking, so I tried staying up to see if he would continue. I tried touching his arm gently enough not to wake him, and I noticed it did (appear to) have some effect. I have asked him about this (in a non-confrontational manner), and he has denied remembering any such dreams. If he is being dishonest, I am sure it's only to save my feelings, as I mentioned I do not think he is beng unfaithful, but it's almost like I need to know if it's like Jessica Alba or someone we know. thank you in advance for any advice or suggestions

[Burns]

Firstly, welcome to the forum! This probably won't make you feel much better, but it's perfectly normal to dream about someone other than your spouse or mate. I'm sure you've probably had some dreams with another guy in it, but that doesn't mean you're cheating on your husband. Same thing goes for him. It's very natural human behavior. Now if you're suspicious that he's cheating on you (in real life), that is a separate issue. I'm not a psychologist so I don't have a lot of advice for you in this situation, other than to talk to him about your feelings. Open communication is essential in a marriage - keeping all these suspicious thoughts and worries to yourself will only make things worse. And you may be being paranoid for no reason. Talk to him about him talking in his sleep and see what reaction you get. Good luck!

[thecleric]

thanks for the welcome!!! I know I am a) being overly jealous and B) invading his privacy, I'm sure I stated that I do know he is not cheating, we actually have a very healthy relationship. And I have asked him about the dreams, which he denies having. I'm just curious if there were any method to perhaps, induce sleep-talking. oh and I definetly know it is more than normal to have these kinds of dreams as well. thanks!

[[Alpha]-0mega-]

Some people are more susceptible to sleep-talking, so if he is, you might be able to just ''talk to him'' and he might respond . Else you could of course try Dream Sharing but it's incredibly hard to do, IF it even ''exists''.

[Gwendolyn]

Welcome to the forum! I don't think it is fair to try to pry into your husband's dreams. And no, there's no way of getting into his head and seeing. If you have a healthy relationship, do not stress over who he is dreaming of.....That's his business. Sometimes people can't control the things they dream of....Don't worry about it.

[[Alpha]-0mega-]

Originally posted by Gwendolyn And no, there's no way of getting into his head and seeing. There are cases in which people were capable of ''infiltrating'' someone else's dreams, through their believe & practice of magick (more occult ), and through willpower (better for the ''more rational'' people). But I do have to agree, that you should leave it alone.

[icedawg]

Oh my...I can certainly understand your concern (I mean, how awkward is that?) But as has been stated...there's not a lot most people can do about their dreams unless they become diligent lucid dreamers. Our dreams are often manifestations of our experiences, thoughts, and concerns during the day, and biologically guys are built to think about sex quite a bit as I'm sure you know. It's important to remember that ultimately it's our decisions and actions that define who we are, and not so much our idle thoughts. It has also already been stated that you could try participating in a conversation with him while he sleep talks. You've probably noticed that if an external stimulus doesn't wake us up, it can actually become incorporated into our dreams (such as if an alarm doesn't wake us up right away, we can start to hear it in our dream). Personally I would think hard about doing this though because you could be opening a whole can of worms that you'd really rather not get into. Certainly everyone deserves some privacy--most definitely within the confines of their own mind; unless, of course, you have strong suspicions that he is indeed unfaithful in the waking world...in which case I'd say go for it. Good question, btw.

[Gwendolyn]

Originally posted by [Alpha -0mega-] There are cases in which people were capable of ''infiltrating'' someone else's dreams, through their believe & practice of magick (more occult ), and through willpower (better for the ''more rational'' people). But I do have to agree, that you should leave it alone. Those are very few and far in between....I don't think the average person would be able to do it without a bit of work. And even then, I don't know if I could believe it would be possible

[Tornado Joe]

Heh, I totally understand where you're comin from with this Cleric, it's just the curiosity that gets to you! He talks in his sleep sometimes, and between the things I can make out that he has said, and his sleep-actions, I know they are of a sexual nature. The rational side of me is (trying hard not to be so damn) jealous.[/b] You know it may not even be so much that it's with someone else - it could be that he's doing things with you that you both just don't do in real life or he might be embarrased to ask you to do. Remember that Freud believed our dreams where a way for us to experience things that we were lacking or deprived of in real life (not sayin he knew everything - but it kinda makes sense). I myself have had dreams of this nature as well, so I know better than to be a hypocrite, but... [/b] Well, sounds to me like you both could have something to share with each other. Make it something fun. Have him write jot down one of these dreams he 'denies' having - you tell him one of yours. But, you'd both have to agree that no matter what the content, it's NOT REAL - just dream and fantasy. That, as mentioned by previous posters, can be tricky. I have asked him about this (in a non-confrontational manner), and he has denied remembering any such dreams. [/b] Well, one thing you could try is to gently wake him up - maybe by softly repeating his name or something. When he does wake up, try not to distract him - wait a few seconds, then ask him where he just was and what he was dreaming. He should have some recall of the dream right then. I need to know if it's like Jessica Alba or someone we know. [/b] Well if it is Jessica - tell him I said "Hands off, punk!"... she's mine Good luck with him disclosing if its someone you know, though. That's something that is likely to stick in your mind like shit on the toilet rim and then you'll always have suspicions. That's probably the main reason it's best not to know some things.

[The Blue Meanie]

Originally posted by thecleric I have asked him about this (in a non-confrontational manner), and he has denied remembering any such dreams. *If he is being dishonest, I am sure it's only to save my feelings, as I mentioned I do not think he is beng unfaithful, but it's almost like I need to know if it's like Jessica Alba or someone we know. Ummm... look, I hate to have to be the one to point out the obvious, but, here's my take: He's telling the absolute TRUTH. He DOESN'T remember whatever sex dreams he has. It's entirely possible, if not very, VERY likely, that your husband has bad dream recall and just plain doesn't remember whatever dreams he's having, be they about you, somebody else, Jessica Alba, or whoever. Prior to coming to DV, I went months without remembering a single dream. My recall was awful. Your husband might be the same. Dreams from one REM cycle, to the best of my knowledge, get wiped when the next REM cycle comes around. So, my guess is, whatever dreams your husband is having are just getting erased from his memory throughoiut the night, and when the morning comes, he doesn't remember them. Noit cos he's trying to repress them or anything, but simply because they ain't there. So, I reckon he's telling you the truth. He may be having these dreams, but he doesn't remember them. If you really, ABSOLUTELY must find out what his dreams are about, or who, next time you hear him talking in his sleep, wake him up. Tap him on the colllarbone. That's a good way to wake somebody up. THEN ask him. You might piss him off because you woke him in the middle of the night, though. Hope that's of some help.

[justme]

Well I remeber reading in a book that sleep talking happens actually in non-rem sleep like the fourth stage of that or something and my mom sleep talks and most of it doesn't make sense anyways. But like Burns said try talking back, sometimes they actually awnser.

[The Dreamer Soul]

Well I just have to say that I agree with Blue Meanie and the same thing happens to me... Not the exact same thing with sex dreams, just, my entire family knows that I talk in my sleep. Not just mumbling, full, understandable sentences, and apparently loud enough that they can hear it out in the hallway through my door... though maybe not, it may be while they are getting something or something... anyways... I think its funny... I don't remember a single thing though. I'm kinda worried I may let something slip that shouldn't or say something unusual and get embarassed too... heh. And again, same as Blue Meanie said, before this and I started trying to remember dreams I remembered one maybe every 2 months or so, if I was lucky.

[thecleric]

Thank you all so much for all your input!! I do believe my husband has bad dream recall, and you guys are all totally right, a) he'd never cop to dreaming about anyone we know and B) would I REALLy, TRULY want to know that it wasn't the delicious miss Alba? I did notice that when I touched him, for example on his hand, he moved in a manner that suggested to me that it got incorporated into his dream maybe. I thought about speaking to him, but I didn't want to chance waking him up. Our dreams are often manifestations of our experiences, thoughts, and concerns during the day, and biologically guys are built to think about sex quite a bit as I'm sure you know.[/b] This is TRUE (so true!)! Also I do keep in mind the obvious: IT IS JUST A DREAM. But, I am human, and I couldn't help feeling a bit insecure. Thank you all for not giving me a harder time about respecting his privacy. Curiosity killed the cat, as we all know.