"Walk Into a Bar" Jokes

[Burns]

The priest/rapist/pedophile joke was awesome, and gave me an idea. We should have a collection of "...walk into a bar" jokes. But since I don't really know any good ones, I'll let you guys start.

[InTheMoment]

A huge black guy walks into a Southern/redneck bar with an alligator tethered to a leash. He approaches the bar and ask the bartender <sternly> "Do you guys serve niggars in here?" The bartender nervously replies, "Of course sir! That's not a problem at all!" The huge black guy says, "Great, I'll have a shot of whiskey and my gator here will have a niggar."

[Oneironaut Zero]

Lol. James, I think the punchline is: "And my gator here will have a Gar." - a fish. "Do you guys serve niggars" = "Do you guys serve Any Gars" said quickly. If that's not the case, you'll have to explain that one to me, cause I don't get it. ...Unless of course, you were just misspelling "nigger."

[InTheMoment]

Originally posted by Oneironaut Lol. James, I think the punchline is: "And my gator here will have a Gar." - a fish. "Do you guys serve niggars" = "Do you guys serve Any Gars" said quickly. If that's not the case, you'll have to explain that one to me, cause I don't get it. * ...Unless of course, you were just misspelling "nigger." * LOL..I never thought about the fish reference. I heard the joke from my brother in law...and yeah, I guess I was spelling it the way he made it sound; for effect. ~

[Tornado Joe]

Heh, well here's one with no racial or phonetic puns: Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, she could go fuck herself."

[Oneironaut Zero]

ROFL!! Niiiiiiiiice.

[wombing]

ahahaha, nice one tornado.

[Patrick]

OK, this isn't a walks into a bar joke, but it's in the same format. A very famous psychologist has theorised that how happy you are depends on how much you have sex. He writes a book on the subject. At a press conference for the book, he decides to prove his theory. He looks around the audience and picks the four happiest people he can see. He walks up to the first man, who has a content look on his face, and asks him how many times he has sex. The man says "Oh, about once every two weeks." He then asks the second man, who looks even happier, the same question. He replies: "Once a week at the moment." The psychologist is getting confident by now, and walks up to the third man, who is grinning insanely, and asks the question. "I get it every day!" He replies. So finally, he confronts the fourth man, who is jittering up and down and giggling. "And how many times do you have sex?" Asks the psychologist. "Once a year!" Giggles the fourth man. "Then how come you're so happy?!" "Because it's Tonight!!!" And here's a bar one, almost as painfully bad. A man walks into a bar and goes over to the barkeep and asks for a drink. Just as he's about to go and sit down the barkeep says "You see that peice of tar over there? Don't talk to him." The man is a bit bewildered but nonetheless sits down on the opposite side of the bar. Eventually curiosity gets the better of him and he walks over to the nearest person. "Hey, I was just wondering, what's so bad about the third peice of tar?" "I wouldn't go near him if I were you" he said. "Hes a cycle-path."