A SENIOR MOMENT
Right On!
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager
thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New YorkTimes.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with
which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations,
three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the check
and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of
course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Social Security check, an
arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.You
are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also
for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused
to your bank.My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has >caused>me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed
that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when
I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I,
like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage
and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but
will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially
to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is
an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an
envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I
require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight
pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank
knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of
his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and
the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts,
assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due
course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must
quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the
playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as
follows:1-- To make an appointment to see me.2-- To query a missing
payment.3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.4--
To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.5-- To transfer
the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6-- To transfer
the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.7-- To leave a message on
my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password
will be communicated to you at a later date to the>Authorized Contact.) 8--
To
return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9-- To make a
general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold,
pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may,
on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the
duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I
must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous,
New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)
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