Advice needed

[Serinanth]

I dont really know what to do at the moment, I put alot of thought into this before I sat down and started typing, but as lost soul knows, when I type I do just that, type. First...why are all hotel showes designed for people under 5 foot? Now most of you know that I live in the dream world nearly as much as I live in this world, and its just as real for me, I respect alll of you, and hope that possibly even one of you might have some advice for me that might help. I ended up back in one of the realities I am more familiar with, some places I keep ending up in, others Its a one time shot. this place, I know its nearly as reacurring as the place I am typing this in. The rules are not much different from here, the only thing I can do there is change into my dragon form, that seems to be an ability I have no matter where I am. Its not an easy thing to do, I have said in the past that the transformation defies the natural laws of conservation of energy but still it is the mosty readily thing I can do. Most times in dream I am no different than I am here, fully knowing that I am in a dream and should be able to do whatever I please... Its all in my head right? I overheard my friends... I say this full knowing what they said already, they took me in, a lunatic, that appeared out of knowhere, no past nothing, told them I was dreaming and such... whatever... "so what do we do about seri?" "I dont know, ever since he came here things have been going insane" "it was normal before wasnt it..." "Yeah, it was." "I mean the only reason we keep him around is because he can change into that dragon... if he isint angry or afraid." I heard through the walls, the two of them, I left the building, and started walking, we were in the city, its harder to be found in a city. I want to say I was in the half state, I could still feel my body here in this place, just like the beginning of the shared dream I had with lost soul. I could feel each foot step in both worlds, my feet felt heavy, I just feel so lost, I started running, I dont know where. Air drop me into a deep forest in the middle of the night and I can find my way out.... throw me in a city with a map and I run in circles, I ended right back where I started.... staring at the delapidated building I had just run from. I fail them, I always wake up just when it is most important, I know I have the ability to help them but they think I am the cause of all their problems, when I showed up, it all started. I cant help but think of Mithandir, the storm crow, in most places his arrival was a bringer of ill news, and most though that he was the cause, "but you come with tidings of greif and danger as is your wont they say" but his words were, "Because I come seldome but when my help is needed." Those of you that have not read the books Mithandir is another of Gandalf's names. But in my case I dont know, I feel like some poor sap stuck in a bad movie, Im not some great wizard. Im just a guy that can change into a dragon, granted thats not some small feat, but im not an angel come to earth like gandalf I dont know what to do, and like my friends said, I can only do it when I am at peace, and I seldom are in my dreams, I wonder if that is why I am so drained of emotion here in this place, I have been called a robot, and even an empty husk here, I have started to feel here, though prehaps I am finding balance, I just dont know. I feel funky... not the good funky either... If any of you have anything to say that you think might help please speak your mind. I need input, I dont know what I should do anymore. How do I find peace within myself so that I can help my friends, I dont want them to think that I caused the chaos in their world, but I am not Gandalf, I am unsure of if I am the cause or if I am there to balance the chaos. help?

[Seeker]

"A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house. " Serinanth, I gather your turmoil now is caused because they reject you, and hence the quote. The BIG question: Do you know in the depths of your heart that you are there for a reason? If you are there for a reason, you must embrace your destiny. If you have doubts, ponder them further until you know your heart. It has been my experience that your heart usually steers you in the right direction. EDIT-- I know you will prevail! We are all behind you and are looking forward to reading about your trials and successes.

[Lucius]

Serinanth, I know I havnt been around that long but for some reason it is you I respect most in this forum. Mabey it is because we think alike, the few times we spoke, but even from a few conversations I can judge. Yes, probally even for a LDer you are very diffirent indeed. I can relate with you Serinanth, when we spoke I could reconize some things, I must say I also havnt been completely honest and open about everything, and my LD experiences. Where you choose to share, I choose to keep to myself. I know the feeling, to be not just "diffirent" or an outcast but to be the outcast even among outcasts.. but you must accept what you are, accept and realise your true self. I partly belief in preset destiny, but destiny can be bend around until it suits you, or be bend in the wrong direction. Now what you are, know what you stand for, find your destiny, know that you are there for a reason. Know that you are wise Serinanth, know that you have the answers to all your questions, you just have to find them, deep inside of you. I know you shall find what you must, do not doubt yourself, you exist for a reason, find that reason, you are meaned to be. If this doesnt make sense..seek guidence..guidence might come from unexpected corners. I wish you luck on your journey.. "The road I choose is a bitch,a burden and seems never ending, but still it is the road I choose to walk, and so I will"

[42]

Seri, I could have chosen any of many, many dream forums. No offense to anyone else - but the reason I chose this one is because I found you. I don't know how to explain it but when I began to read your entries, not only was I amazed at the adventures and the complexity of them all - but also at your inner courage, strength and pure heart. And you're probably blushing as you read these replies because you are also very humble. You have qualities of a true hero. Do not give up on your struggles toward excellence. Every hero must go through many tests. I think this is just one of those. In that place, even your friends doubt your significance - but I do not doubt your significance in either this world or that one. You have helped so many in this forum already. You have helped me even if you don't know it. I think you can and will do more in that place than turn into your dragon form. And in time the story will play out and your friends will see you for what you are meant to be. Maybe not a Gandalf. Maybe just a Baggins. Remember what they all thought of Bilbo, and remember how many doubted Frodo. I pray that you will find a Sam there, and a Gandalf. True blue friends and guide-helpers. And also remember that if a hero never doubted himself, he wouldn't be a real hero. So it is okay to doubt yourself - just don't let those feelings suck you under. We're here for you. I may only exist in the form of words on a computer screen on a web page in a small dream forum - but I tell you the truth: I am real, I am here, I believe in you.

[nerve]

Seri...

[Lucius]

How about we all pray tonight for Seri, something actually worth praying.. *looks at another topic*

[Serinanth]

There are reasons why I am so open with you guys, your words and support are just those reasons, this is one of the few places where I have found that people actually seem to care about one another, and try to help each other out. And I really do appreciate what youve said. I do know which side I am on, that has been apparent to me for some time now, I wonder if I try to stay away from that place if the chaos will subside too, but I worry for my friends, stuff seems to get bad when I am not around either, so I really do hope that I am there to balance the chaos and not the other way around, and I would never give up on my friends, i understand their situation and I dont blame them, but once you make a friend of me, I am near impossible to get rid of =) A friend of mine suggested that I have yet to find a dream guide is that I am my own dream guide, I do think alot of the answers to my questions do lie hidden deep inside my soul I just need to keep digging, but there is the part of me that does scare me, that monster that we all have inside us, and it scares me because that monster is a dragon as well, the kind that you dont want to meet. But I think I have enough control to keep it buried like it is. I do know that my purpose is to protect, this fact has been driven home on many occasion in this world and the dream world. So I am pretty sure thats why I go where I do, but I worry, I get it from my mom, and there is still alot of self doubt that I need to work through, It shoudlent be there but it is, its like a frikin brick wall... I will knock it down though, and I think you guys have already helped me take a chunk out of it... I really am glad I found this place... Thank you, I owe you guys =)

[phantasy]

Dude, I envy you...........

[A Lost Soul]

Ditto that.

[Lowercase Society]

Seri, first of all, you have honor that excedes mine in any way, even though i do not know you personally, your stories draw me in, your dreams, your inner thoughts suck me in like a whirlpool in space. i am drawn to you very much, and i think that is because we like to explore this "dream reality" and you have expirienced more than i have there, and done so much that i cannot even imagine, if you ever need help with anything, i am not the brightest, or strongest, but believe me, i will do anything that i can to help you Secondly, are these "friends" really worth your time, if they do not respect you for who you are, as i do, then are as i said earlier, worth your effort, or do you have it in yourself to proove yourself to them? do they want that or are they just 2 faced, or maybe they wanted you to HEAR that conversation, to see how you would react. it lies within yourself, just find it my friend, and i know you can Thirdly-you fuckin rock, man. ______________ a prophet did once say that honesty is a lonely word[/b]

[Serinanth]

ok ok enough with feeding my ego, feed that thing too much and it might break free from its cage and go on a rampage I try to keep honor at my side while on the path that is my life, I just try to do what I feel is right in my heart. I would like to think myself an honroable man, but I aint no saint either =) Im just a people like you guys. They are my friends, and they are worth my time, I totaly understand their doubts, I think you would too if you were in my position, I havent known them long, but I know when I can call somone a friend. Their world is being destroyed, they had a world jsut like ours then it went crazy, and I showed up at the same time, they have every right to have their doubts about me, hell I have doubts about me so they have every right to wonder themselves. I can be to trusting, but, I do not think they are two faced, they are just afraid. I want to thank you again, I guess I underfeed my ego, but after what you guys said, last night was good. I was able to focus and call my sword, something I havent done in a long while, I didnt have my katana with me, I usualy dont these days, the fact that its on the other side of the country makes me itchy too, (I didnt want to have to deal with airport security) But in my dreams I can call it to me, its blade made of light, kinda like wheel of time style =) I had no doubt in my mind, I knew what I was there to do and I helped a bunch of people out, also my dreaming was VERY long last night and VERY stable, when I started to feel the dream fade I already knew that only a little time had passed in this world even though it had been quite some time on the other side. No shadows either, just run of the mill demons. =) hehe they didnt know what they were getting themselves into. The second and third dreams were just of exploration no monsters, just friends and fun So thanks again I did really need your words =)

[A Lost Soul]

Originally posted by Serinanth * ok ok enough with feeding my ego, feed that thing too much and it might break free from its cage and go on a rampage * Neat. I'm not busy. Seriously though. Without going into too much detail here, I think you should sit back and take a look at some of the things around you and realize who you are. Accept unconditionally that you are you, and while you aren't perfect, you are loved, respected, and needed. You are not the cause of chaos. Chaos existed before you did and it will continue to exist when you move to the next phase of your life's path, whatever that may be. So long as Law exists, Chaos exists. I don't know if I've helped or made things worse so I'll just shut the hell up now. After one last thing: Trust in yourself.

[Lucius]

Hey Seri, I never knew you used a Katana. I do aswell(my blades silver though), they are awesome. Have you noticed when you fight alot in the other reality, your skills/reflexes improve alot in the normal world? Gues you do train you skills even in the other reality 8)

[Serinanth]

When I think of it I do train in the dream world I never did any comparitive study though I would think my form would improve here as well.. But I am on my own at the moment here, I need to find somone to continue teaching me here, I am very picky when it comes to that though, I planned on going back home to LI to keep my studies up wit my Sensei, but he cannot teach anymore he got into a car accident and his back got all messed up =(. He is the guy in the pirate pictures I spoke of, with the peircing eyes, he saw everything... The katana just works for me, a well balanced and forged katana is.. well I duno how to explain it, its not so much it becomes an extension of you, you become an extension of it. I like the two heavens style that Musashi moromoto developed, using both the katana and wakazashi at the same time, I dont have a wakazashi yet but I practice with one of my scimitars in its stead, I dont even have a real katana yet.. well the one i have is a hammer forged sword but... its not a forge folded and tempered blade. Check out www.Bugei.com They have very nice swords but as you can see... they are spensive.

[Lucius]

I am currently under a zen roshi(but he doesnt really teach material arts) , and under my dream guide ^_ ^ You know, he takes the form of morpheus from the matrix sometimes, thats cool. I think wakazashis are nice aswell, but I dont like fighting with more then one weapon at the same time. I like to keep one hand free. I get disorientated with two weapons. And your right about the Katana, its really well balanced, it just WORKS. I mean i once tried medival swords, like broadsword but they are not effective at all, not elegant at all, and to slow. I got a regular katana in real life and I like to practise with it but i cant do it as within the dream world of course, since i might damage stuff *cough* will damage *cough* Im trying to learn Kung Fu aswell, but its rather hard..if only I could just load it up like with the matrix lol Nice site btw, but you need to be a friggin rich to have weapons for a hobby..

[Lowercase Society]

awsome man, anytime dude, you are worth a compliment!!! Call it 'womens intuition', but I think I'm on to something here. Temporaryism has been the 'Black Plague' and the 'Jesus' of our age.[/b]

[Serinanth]

yeah no kidding... the offer un polished custom blades for 3grand I will probably get one of those buy the mountings and stuff on my own and polish it myself, I have the clay and know how to do it... Not just any katana though... it has to be a well made balanced katana... because there is plenty of crap out there and an off kilter katana would be the same as an off kilter broadsword. Its hard to find well made euro weapons thats why they feel clumsy probably, a well made twohander can be pretty nice too, but you have to be a brute to swing the sucker and be able to make a quick return without leaving yourself open. Scimitars are nice too quick like bunny heeh Fighting with two weapons takes time, and it can screw ya up a bit, one twohanded sword like a katana is an extremely effecient weapon, and that is what its about, this aint soul calibur... although I found out that they did base alot of Mitsurugis moves on real life form, but in real life.. you want to make one hit and thats it... thats all it takes. STUFF!