Recurring Dreams of Rape and Nightmares

[cosmicfox]

Hello, this is my first post, although I was a member here years ago when I was an avid lucid dreamer. I am looking for advice on my recurrent dreams dealing with rape. When I was in my teens I was raped/ abused for years by an extended family member, and within the past year I had gone to my parents and authorities about this. I am a young adult now but because I repressed this for years, it is causing me to have PTSD, flashbacks, Nightmares, etc, all that fun stuff now as opposed to when I actually went through the trauma. In the beginning I mostly had nightmares where my attacker would open the door to my room and rape me in my safe space. My body is under sleep paralysis and I cant move when this dream/ hallucination goes on and when its over I cant sleep. I'm wondering if others have ever experienced something like this and maybe how to overcome it. The next kind of dreams are ones I have had more recently almost every night at least once. In these I am with my extended family members (who in real life have abandoned me and are siding with the perpetrator). Sometimes they are as if everything is normal and I am with extended family. About 50% of the time however, the perpetrator is there either in front of me or on a cord phone. Sometimes he is deeply sad, sometimes crying, and on occasion seems very confused that I am with extended family members. I don't really understand why my subconsciousness would make these sorts of connections (or maybe I just don't want to know and think about that). Also, through my and my brothers (unrelated) cancer treatment this side of the family was not really there for me and never seemed to care, even though when the perpetrator was abusing me I spent a good portion of the year at their home. Anyway though, from these I am left uneasy but they considerably are not as bad as nightmares, more of an annoyance I guess. It's a bit confusing but I don't want to go into detail of family dynamics as there is a case against him and I'm not even sure if its a good idea to say this much online but I feel like I needed specific dream advice about this, and its been far too long that I have been away from this community Sorry this is very long, but I'd appreciate any and all advice! As a side note- Yes I am seeing a therapist, I used to be on prazosin to reduce nightmares but for some reason ultimately made me have an elevated 150bpm heart rate at rest, so I definitely don't take that anymore. Thanks guys! Its good to be back here

[oneironautics]

Hi cosmic Sorry about your troubles :-( life seems so complicated sometimes, I think that in order to get past the nightmares you have to find some peace about the whole situation, the reason we usually have nightmares is because your mind needs to heal, and your playing over the situation in your mind how could you have done it differently, and in your case it seems you are dealing with alot of trust issues, your friends and family deserted you when you needed them most ? How are you feeling about your current situation? do you know who you can trust 100 % are you staying with people who are truly looking after you ? Can you completely trust yourself to make good character judgement calls? The best place to start would be a place you feel totaly safe now at least in the daytime, I think meditation might help you and a mantra about feeling safe ? hope you feel better soon, If you want to send me a pm i could try and help you find sort out what you have been dreaming about. Otherwise Take care and Stay Safe.

[cosmicfox]

Thank you for your reply oneironautics, Yea, life is very complicated right now. I definitely think that's the case with needing to heal, I suppose the problem is that I keep telling myself and others that the side of the family is toxic, and I don't want them in my life, but then I have these strange dreams. Its like I'm being told otherwise in my head. Oh I definitely have trust issues, and most of the time I don't even realize it. Friends and immediate family are still here for me, its the extended family that isn't and sided with my molester. I used to meditate a lot and I think that's the only reason during the abuse I wasn't going entirely crazy so I'll definitely try to pick it up again. Thanks!