Hi, I need some help as to why I might be experiencing nightmares every single night, and what's going on with my dreams and me while I'm asleep. This is also all very complicated.
This has been happening ever since October 19, 2015, the day that I got out of the Mental Health Institution Hospital for suicidal ideation and depression. I'm not traumatized by this event at all, and though I have severe depression, this isn't the cause of my nightmares because I have been severely depressed for four years. The nightmares are different every time, and I barely remember them days after they happen, I can only remember glimpses or what they were generally about and relate that to the fear that I felt while waking up.
All of the dreams are extremely realistic, sometimes to the point that my brain has the memory of the nightmare, but doesn't relate that memory to a dream, I think that it actually has happened, and if the dream had someone in it, I find myself talking to them about it asking if it happened or not, or talking about it with them as if it had actually happened, at which point they tell me it didn't and I realize it was a dream.
Also, while I am dreaming, I can feel different feelings while I'm asleep in my body, such as anxiety, fear, and the feeling of someone watching me. It's not my dream self that is feeling these, it's in my normal body (don't know any other way to put that). I am actually experiencing the feeling in real life while the dream is going on and I can feel it going on as I am asleep.
Also, the way you talk to yourself in your head as you go throughout your day when you're awake, I can do as I'm asleep. It is not my dream self thinking, because I'm talking to myself in my head while the dream is going on, and my dream self is continuing to do other things. I will talk to myself about how I am having a nightmare, and that I should make an attempt to wake myself up, things like that. I know it isn't my dream self doing this "think talking". It's hard to explain well.
My nightmares also connect to other dreams that I've had. They are not reoccurring, they are only connected in tiny simple ways. Such as, someone I'm having a conversation with will speak of something that's happened in another dream, or I'll revisit a place that I've been, but the same things that happened in the earlier dream do not happen, making these non-reoccurring. Even if I forgot the dream that I had before, I will remember it when the memory of the place or the event that is being talked about is brought up. Just like when you'd forgotten something, and someone starts talking to you about it, maybe saying "remember when?", and you remember it because it was brought up. I will then wake up having remembered the original dream due to the memory being brought up, or I will be talking to myself in my head as the dream is going on, remembering the dream that I was just slightly reminded of.
For example of that, I had a dream that I revisited an abandoned house with friends, that was now boarded up. My friends and I talked in the dream saying that it was now boarded up because someone had found out that people had been there before, which would be from the time we went in the first dream this house appeared in.
Sometimes when the dreams are so bad, I have a very strong will to pull myself out of them, and I will be able to. Although, there have been several times where I've tried, and failed, though I thought I pulled myself out, because I have a false awakening. Or, I pull myself out of the dream, and not be able to stay awake and fall asleep again, and the nightmare will either continue from the spot it left off, or I'll be in a completely different nightmare. Sometimes I will have nightmare after nightmare broken by either the short awakenings or false awakenings. I had nine in a row broken by those one time, and the other most significant time, it happened more than nine times. At which point I will have a very strong urge to pull myself out and immediately sit up after waking up, refusing to fall back asleep.
Little bit about what's currently going on for possibilities as to why this is happening:
I'm 15, out of school, home all the time, rarely spending time with friends, only one friend of 10 years who is homeschooled as I was, he is home all the time.
I interact with my family and animals all the time, and Skype with my boyfriend (45 min. away) all the time as well. I deal with insomnia problems, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts. Not on any antidepressants anymore (tried 4 already) because they increase my suicidal thoughts a bunch. Prescribed Atarax for sleep which doesn't work anymore (been on it for 2-3 years), I take Xanax (prescribed) for anxiety and to help me fall asleep. I go to counseling. I'm very stable despite how depressed I am, for I've dealt with it for 4 years myself, been friends with a LOT of depressed people over the years, and dealt with it for 2 years before depression hit me with my sister. Have health issues that I won't get into that wouldn't be causing nightmares. Stressed out a bunch for no good reason, very unstable sleeping pattern. The nightmares were sudden and unexpected, seem to be caused for no reason. Even if I've had a great day, they still come. Completely different every time. I'm just looking for some answers or someone to talk to that's experienced what I am experiencing or something similar. If you've read all this, thank you so much.
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