Who's the Real Monster Now?

[apachama]

Before I start, I should say, I don't believe in pentagrams, the supernatural, spirits or anything like that. But I've always used the term demon to describe entities I meet fairly regularly in dreams and I have trained myself to use pentagrams, mantras and spells to ward them off. This works, once you drill the beliefs into your subconscious. Last night I had this weird dream. I woke at five AM and made myself go back to sleep because I had to go to work in the morning at the Alistair Hardy Society Research Library. I fell asleep and felt something at the end of my bed. I was in sleep paralysis. It claimed to be the ghost of Alistair Hardy. We chatted for a while but I found being watched by a spirit that can read my mind disturbing when I want to sleep. So I tried to get rd of him. Politely, then with a pentagram. Next dream, the same entity claimed to be me. I believed him for a while, I was in a very groggy dream state. We lay down together and I realised I had been lied to. So I imagined a pentagram. He morphed into a demon creature briefly, teeth everywhere. I think he wanted to scare me. But I kept attacking as it wouldn't go away. After a while, it was weakened and battered and retreated to the end of my room. Using the usual set of spells I managed to get some normal sleep and normal (though vivid) dreams. The last part of the dream was a person wanting to be let in to see me who I had instinctively, though playfully... ahem... kicked in the face. He was somewhat annoyed. By which I mean he was furious. I don't know. I don't officially believe in spirits. But I feel a wee bit guilty for my excessively violent self defense mechanism. My feeling is that inasmuch as the thing represented a part of me its the part thats lonely at the moment and wants company at any cost. Poor, dear fictional creature. Lonely, scared and lost. Kicking it in the face probably make me the monster in this little nightmare.

[The Enterer]

Nah, you did good. You've got to show that dweller on the threshold who's boss.

[horsebucket]

Crazy shit. None of those weird things that I sense when I'm sleep paralysed ever talk to me. They don't bother me much but the ones that really drive me mad are the cats claws. Sometimes I feel cats clawing me or things biting me but usually an imaginary kick in the head gets rid of them. I can't actually see these things and they always come from behind but for some reason kicking them or at least imagining Im kicking them gets rid of them.

[apachama]

Makes sense. Glad I'm not the only person who gives these things an imaginary kick in the head.

[juroara]

pentagrams? what do you mean? what does a pentagram do and how does it help you sleep? I am very word picky, and I see monsters and demons in dreams. Monsters are just that, monstrous, terrifying, scary, or threatening. And I think without a doubt, they represent some part of you. Something you see as a threat I guess, something you are afraid of. I call something a demon - when I feel nothing but absolute evil seething from it. It can be a DC that looks handsome, or pretty. But something about just being near the DC makes you want to jump out of your skin and screeeaaaam. When the demon is in its truest form in my dream, it is a shadowy figure of a human, black with no distinct features. It has no voice, it never speaks or growls or snarls like monsters do. I'm not necessarily saying, demons in dreams, are real 'demons'. But what difference does it make? To me, evil is all the same. Absence of light, emptiness, a consuming void that doesn't give back. If evil has a physical counterpart - it would be a black hole. Which just consumes and consumes and consumes. Which in its own right, is anti-love. Because love is giving, not just consuming. I've had such demons in dreams before. violence doesn't get rid of them. they absorb all violent actions and grow larger. anger, hatred, becomes their fuel. In dreams, i've gotten rid of demons only by summoning light. sleep paralysis is interesting. lots of people perceive something demonic near them. looks like you tried to talk to yours. I had a weird experience too, with communing with what is traditionally been called the hag. One time in a sleep paralysis my room was dark, and I saw a girl sitting on my bed. She was doing something to my legs. I remember it hurt. I couldn't make out the girls features, because it was dark. I asked her what she was doing. And she told me she was a guiding spirit, like some sort of guardian angel, and she was healing my legs. And something to do with roses, flowers and gifts, though I don't remember all the details. It's a sleep paralysis, I think, so I can't move my legs. I'm not entirely 'awake' or aware. So I believe her. And I'm like "THANKS!" She doesn't receive my thanks very well, sorta, shy and bashful. and she mutters "uh....sure...." She stops doing what ever it was she was doing to my legs and the pain goes away. And she lays down next to me, her face turned away so that I can't see it in the moonlight. She's young, maybe 12. I suddenly remembered reading somewhere, that if you tell your guardian 'I love you', they will return your words back by expressing their love for you a hundred fold. *in spiritual way you pervs!* So I uh say, still in my own la-la-not-really-aware-land- say "I LOVE YOU!!" happy and excited a guiding spirit is here with me and has healed my legs. And she goes, still looking in the other direction "uh..um..me too." And I think to myself while staring at the backside of this being sleeping next to me 'isn't she supposed to burn on fire and show me all of her celestial glory?' I become completely AWARE at that moment, jolting me out of bed. I'm awake. But the transition of being asleep and being awake, made me question if I was ever asleep to begin with. Because I don't remember waking up - I remember becoming AWARE and jolting up. I don't remember having to open my eyes. On top of that, the room in my sleep paralysis and the room in reality - were identical. From the light coming from the hallway under the door, to the moonlight, to every other little nuance and detail - from the folds to my blanket. Normally in my sleep paralysis', the lighting is different. If its really night, its usually day in my sleep paralysis. At that point I was terrified. Because my thoughts are racing. was I asleep or awake? was I just visited by the hag, or a real spirit? but that couldn't have been a real angel, because if it was a real angel - its own light would have illuminated its face. also, why was my mind so foggy? normally in a sleep paralysis - my mind is clear and the experience is more vivid, more surreal. either way, it was an interesting experience. I only had a short conversation with that we usually call the hag. I do believe in spirits, it's hard not to when you yourself have seen spirits in broad daylight. I have a couple of ghost stories of my own. But the reason the sleep paralysis was questionable for me, was because years ago I woke up one night. And I saw a spirit in my bedroom *identical to the spirit my sister saw in her bedroom on the same night*. But the spirit walked towards my bed, as if to lay down. WHATS WITH ALL THESE WEIRD PEOPLE LAYING DOWN NEXT TO ME HONESTLY! but I just thought I'd say that, because your sleep paralysis hag did the same.

[apachama]

Pentagrams come from a ritual I practiced twice a day for about a year. Its burned well into my subconcsious and makes its appearance in my dreams when I feel I need a weapon. My general definition of a demon comes down to something I see in the eyes and recognise. They naturally look like anything, but there's always something about the eyes. Hence the problem identifying this thing, as it had no form. I have a buddhist friend who once told me that during meditation he saw this horrible creature shouting at him. He offered it a flower. I wish I could train myself to do that. As much as I try my subconscious mind usually goes for the most violent option possible when it feels threatened. I guess its my fault really. I spent my teenage years wanting to be an Edwardian occultist. Now I'm stuck with this out-dated, imperialistic way of acting in my dreams.