I'd like to talk to you guys about something that's very important to me; Cletus. Cletus is my friend and he could be your friend too. It's so nice to have Cletus as my friend, to always feel him inside me, to feel his big, strong, masculine hands guiding me and to know that he's watching over me all the time; I love Cletus and Cletus loves me. He could love you too.

Aside from reassuring me with his constant presence, he also teaches me stuff. Did you know that thinking differently than Cletus and I about morality leads to immoral behavior? Neither did I until I found Cletus. I used to be so confused but now that I've found Cletus (He was in the dirty laundry one day) everything is clear and certain. I know who the good guys and the bad guys are and my relationships with women have become so much simpler: If they refuse to spread their legs or clean or cook or be my servant or complain that I love Cletus more than them, I just beat them because that's what Cletus says to do; How else you gonna keep a bitch in line? If Cletus says to do it, then it must be right! Right?

Another way that life is easier with Cletus in it is that I don't have to learn anything because anything that I need to know, Cletus has already told me! Cletus didn't just save me from eternal torture, he also saved my from having to worry my precious little brain about how old the earth is or how all this life came to be. Cletus just farted it all out about twenty three years ago. He could save you too if you let him.

Cletus wants to save you. Won't you let him? Just feel him standing behind you with his big, thick, masculine arms wrapped around you, his body pressed firmly against yours. At this point, Cletus may instruct you to bend over and act like you're trying to touch your toes: the next part hurts for a second but all you have to do is surrender to Cletus. Just submit to his ever present will and let him dominate you: you won't regret it. I didn't.