I'm going to Oktoberfest but I'll be back on Tuesday and the introduction is almost done. In the meantime here's a sneak peak:
It was midnight in Washington DC. The Oval Office was ignited by a single, rectangular lamp bent over a report the thickness of a brick sitting on the President's desk. His tiny, chimp like eyes peered through the darkness behind his banana like nose as he did his best to swallow all the big words and legal jargin
A few thumps his the door.
“George?”
“Come on in Laura,” he answered.
The door opened and his wife was appeared as a silhouette in contrast to the hallway lights. “Darlin'” she whimpered, “It's thursday and I already bought that dildo you wanted...”
“Quiet down dear, this is important!” he replied dismissively.
“What is it?”
“There's some weird junk in this bill they wrote up, I don't get it.”
“What?”
“Well I don't know, here it says that 'under given authority of invest parties in such locations where invests are present or within such districts where deemed nec'sery by parties involved and including pretenses under Doctorate B756, privately contracted protection units may where within protects such investments under means deemed nec'sary without agreement of state authorities.”
“Wait, what? Why were you reading?”
“I was playing around on google and saw an article by Alex Jones. He said that private soldiers can declare martial law without my authority.”
“What?!” Laura exclaimed and pulled the bill over to her side of the desk, followed by the lamp.
“It's no use, Laura, women can't read.”
“Wait but what does it all mean?” she asked, skimming through it.
“Well, you know Alex Jones is just a conspir'rcy theorist, but he says it means I have no power anymore and the big multinational companies and banking families enforce the law.”
“But, you're the government! You can just undo it!”
“I already signed it last week.”
“But you control the military!” Laura countered.
“But the treasury is in debt to the Chinese, if the military steps out of line they'll make me pay.”
“Is it really a time to thinking about this? They're executing a coup to turn our country into a test civilization for Blade Runner!”
“Stop being hysterical Laura, this is not a time to talk about music.”
Laura shook her head, “Look, did you call Dick?”
“Yeah but the vibrator made his heart stop again. Heh, I told him to turn that thing off.”
Speaking of the devil, his phone rang. He pulled it out, seeing the familiar picture on the screen of Dick Cheney's scowling face with a dab of cake on his nose; a picture from his last birthday.
“Hello?” Bush answered.
“George! How the fuck are you?”
“I'm not so good, Dickie.”
“What's wrong?”
“Well, this bill, the Economic Rescue Package, there are some weird laws in.”
Dick took a deep breath.
“Like what, George?” he asked, unflattered.
“Well, like all the... you know the paps and M-13--”
“Georgie, do me a favor, and shut up. Okay? I have dealt with your shit for 8 fucking years and I am sick of it. Yes, we sold the fucking country and it's entire population in it as slaves to serve multinational companies, what the fuck do you want me tell you? You stupid dipshit, with your stupid “texas” accent. You were born fucking Connecticut!”
There was a click followed by the dial tone.
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