lmaoQuote:
Originally Posted by ;302761
There are actually female hormones in beer,
Too much makes you talk crap and lose the ability to drive in a straight line. :bigteeth:
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lmaoQuote:
Originally Posted by ;302761
There are actually female hormones in beer,
Too much makes you talk crap and lose the ability to drive in a straight line. :bigteeth:
What has 7 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.
Q, what did the guitar say to the guitarist?
A. Stop picking on me!
Time to offend some females.
Q. why are women's feet so small?
A. so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. why did guys stop telling blonde jokes?
A 'cause they realised all women are stupid.
why are blonde jokes so short? so other women can remember them
whats 2 miles long and has an IQ of 97?
a women's rights parade.
how many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none... let her cook in the dark.
why did god invent women?
cuz sheep cant carry beer from the fridge.
whats the smartest thing to ever come out of a womens mouth?
einstiens dick.
a man has to decide between women to marry. one is a doctor, one is a teacher, and one is a actress. which one does he pick?
the one with the big tits.
Q)Why do they call it PMS?
A)Because mad cow disease was already taken :bigteeth:
(All in good fun...)
Why did God make man before woman?
Because you need to make a rough draft before you make the final copy.
:D
haha Amethyst. not bad!
females definately dominate in certain aspects. i mean they have not one but 2 spots on their bodies with thousands of more nerve endings than a guy will ever have. AND specifically made for pleasure!
yes that's a dominating factor there.
Not nearly as dominating as the back of my hand.
Which in turn is not nearly as dominating as...
http://shiz.demonation.net/oh.jpg
An Old Lady
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home.
He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon."
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
That's scary. I have scary scary scary mental pictures in my head now.
Thanks a lot, Burns!
No problem :wink:
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
This guy has a job at a pickle factory, and for some reason he gets this uncontrollable urge to stick his dick in the pickle slicer. Every day the urge gets stronger until one day he whips it out and hes about to stick it in and hes like no this is crazy! so he decides to get proffessional help. he goes to see a psychiatrist, and the psychyatrist says the only way to rid himself of thesee urges is to stick his dick in the pickle slicer. so the next day he goes to work. after he goes to work, he goes to see the psychiatrist. the psychiatrist says "well did you stick your dick in the pickle slicer. the man replies, yes. then the psychiatrist says "well what happened. the man says, "we both got fired."
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNITE!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem upset at all.
Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
Hahaha yeah I know that one. :P Funny. XD
Why does Snoop Dogg carry around an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
LOL brady
Reminder: no dead baby jokes. Offending posts removed and respective users warned.
oh wait, i guessed wrong. actually the have 3 spots (thank god for seminars). not only do females get multiple orgasms, but orgasms that can last for a long fucking time. staggering to what a guy can experience. i seen the vids, they look like they are on haroin.
So there's an English man, Scottish man and Irish man on a plane. They are told that while they jump out of the plane, the first word they say will magically appear where they land.
The English man said jumped and said "money" so he landed on money.
The Scottish guy says "women" and he lands on loads of women.
The Irish guy fell out the plane and said "Oh crap."...