Thread: [Game] The Dreamviews RPG

derb was in a bar once and he heard this guy play the lute and watevr with his deadlyness strings and he gave him a fiver.
well 'ard he was.

"Fear not Great Seeker, for I shall vanquish the despicable Lord Leo and his minions with my +3 Helm of Courage and my Enchanted Blade of the Elves which I bought down at the Shoppeth 'n' Goeth in the sale (20% off). However I know very little of this Lord Leo of which you speak."

A young disciple stepped forward, his head bowed, "Some say that Lord Leo has existed since the beginning of time, as old or even older than Asher. Others claim that he was once a regular n00b that was driven mad by the quest for lucidity. They all agree that he flits around different message boards, making controversial threads and posts until eventually getting banned. Leaving behind nothing but a name to scare the young'uns. Wherever he goes he attracts controversy and followers; the followers are recognisable to each other by the words 'Unban Leo' they leave in their signatures.

The hall was silent. The Adventurer stepped forth (again), "If I am to succeed in my arduous quest to defeat Lord Leo I will need a band of Misfits. Preferrably a gruff dwarf for the comedy, an elf to provide knowledgable pearls of wisdom when the heroes don't know where to go, another man that will double-cross us and meet a well-deserved death and a girl that I, the Adventurer and protaganist, will start out hating but will eventually grow to respect her as a fighter and then, of course, fall in love with her. Who's with me!?"

An unnamed monk, who shall never again appear in this story, quipped in: "You say you need a dwarf? They have plenty down in the Mines of Techtalk. They may be squat loners, but they build many fine equipments. I've seen a fine coat made there, the Apple Macintosh. Also, I've heard of Techtalk manufactured +11 Poison-tipped Gauntlets of Hacking which is super-effective against n00bs, and the legendary Linux, Operating System of Enhanced Irritability Socketed {2}. in Techtalk, they have a great chapel to Saint iSteve, creator of overpriced fashion statements, with stained glass Windows looking out to a great Vista.

The squattest, but most skilled tech-drawf of them all is Kaniaz. He was their master. But he has been missing for a while. It may be hard to find him, but it will be worth it. If you see a dwarf wearing a Robe of Arrogance, Platinum Hat of Richness, and Belt With The Ability To Summon Lolz, that is him."

derb stepped forward and decided to be serious even if he has never in his life played something like this. and he said 'alrite lads watsa craic in here?dyiv rooem far wan moore? sure im frum duublin, but im able tih foit an' all. if yz can undarstan' me tah' is.'
well 'ard he is, that derb one.

Wtf Derb? You can't put yourself in the story. Look at the writing style as well, it's got to gel.

So in other words:


Tut, amateurs.

sorry, ive never roleplayed or watever before, plus i thought this was senseless?

shouldnt this be in arcane otherwise? see yiz then.

Yeah, move this to arcane, QUICK LIKE

"I hear you are in need of another human to eventually double cross you and progress the story" a hooded figure said from the shadows.

"And who who would that be?" The adventurer relied. "you?"

"Of course its me... You see I have many skills that may assist you in your jouney..."

"Such as?"

"I cannot say." The figure replied.

"Well, can I at least know your name?"

The figure smiled and replied "I shall be waiting outside if you wish me to come" Then there was a flutter in the shadows and the figure was there no more.

No. It should stay in Senseless Banter:
1. SB needs more good topics like this
2. It'll get more traffic here
3. It's called Senseless Banter for a reason
4. Arcane Arena is a serious role-playing forum not for a light-hearted whimsical affair such as this.

Originally Posted by goldney

No. It should stay in Senseless Banter:
1. SB needs more good topics like this
2. It'll get more traffic here
3. It's called Senseless Banter for a reason
4. Arcane Arena is a serious role-playing forum not for a light-hearted whimsical affair such as this.

(^this

Noweth you mayeth continue)

yeah, but whats the point of senseless banter, if you cant banter senselessly?

as the hooded figure dissapeared, more and more people started volenteering to come and assist, until the hall was filled with shouts and plees to come.
seeker raised one hand, and the hall fell silent.

'i am sorry, but a party this large travelling and searching, would truly bring an open attack. all who are willing to come remain in the hall, and all others, kindly leave, and leave matters to those who will do something about it.'

the gathering remained, exept for derb, who should not be written about even, but left anyways.

Seeker buried his head in his hands. This had been a looong day. But to those who looked closely, they could most assuredly see a gleam in his eyes. "Alright!" He proclaimed. "I am in need of a test. A test that will define those who have knowledge, wisdom, courage and a will to fight!" The crowd leaned in closer trying to hear what this test was all about. But Seeker just sat there smiling.

Finally one of the younger monks finally asked "What is this test you speak of, oh, wise one?"

Seeker seemed to have been waiting for this cue because his smile widened even further. "You know of the lands to the south, correct?"

Monk: "The south??? There is nothing to the south! Theres only a few farmers and that damned cult of R/S who are always arguing amongst each other...." The Monk paused then stared at Seeker wide-eyed. "You wouldn't......"

Seeker: "AYE! The task is to argue with the members of R/S. Now, for anyone who wishes it, I have a +3 cap of delusion that you-" but few heard these last words in the mad rush for the door. Monsters, Leo and the chance of death were nothing compared to the horrors of R/S. Eventually, only a handful were left in the room. Seeker waited a short while before speaking again. "You have all passed. That was a test of your courage. Or perhaps foolishness. Either way, you all have my permission to go on this quest."

Originally Posted by derb

derb

New rule: you cannot introduce yourself in your own post.

***

"Instead of going South, where the horrors of the Cult lay, I should head east, to the Mines of Techtalk to fetch this Kaniaz that you fellow monks have spoken of. My man-servant, Goldney, and the helpful, yet devious, man waiting outside shall come with me." said The Adventurer

"Should we not split up into groups and seek a complete party first?" A monk asked.

"Where's the 100 hours of gameplay in that?" Our hero said, and the monk sank back into the crowd. "I shall take the Bulletin Bard also."

"How do you know my name?", the musician said, suprised, "For I am called vBulletin Bard. I am from a family of Bards, my great father, Invision Power Bard, and my retarded brother, PhpBB Bard. We worship the queen of Bards, she who has the greatest singing voice in the world of Dreamviews, Queen Ophelia."

"Whatever."

So they marched east whereupon they found themselves in a desolate, flat country. The Bard sang:

The Dutch are a worthless lot.
They gloat all day about their pot.
Their waxy cheese and wooden shoes.
This silly land is without use.

"This is the Kingdom of the Netherlands, so called because you'll never want to come here again."

"I can see why." Said the Adventurer. Tired from a day's walking, they came upon the capital, ruled by the co-regents the Duke of TweaK and the Duke of Neruo. They entered the castle, and describing their mission, Neruo welcomed them gladly.

"Scheegel weegel jeegel jee." said Neruo. "Oh, sorry, you don't speak Dutch do you? Still, feel free to rest 'ere for the night."

"You are walking all this way?" said TweaK. "Feel free to borrow our legendary ponies from the stables, Marvo and Neko. We own them."

"We PWN them," added Neruo.

Suddenly a wooden construct appeared, made entirely from clogs.

"Ah! The Clog Golem has escaped!" The Duke of TweaK exclaimed, "I was messing around with black magic the other day. How's a Dutch guy to spend his time? We don't have video games round here. It's practically a third world country."

The Clog Golem attacks!

{continue please}

The Clay Golem bumps the thread!

{come on, guys}

Drawing his sword of Mighty Disembowelling and Shield of Shielding, the Adventurer squared up to the golem and caused +D14 damage with a mighty swing of his Mighty sword.

Then the Vbulletin Bard sung a Song of Slumber...

"I sing a song of slumber and hope
The clog gollum will eat me whole and choke,
Then the Party will be rid of me
And this will be a better topic/RPG"

The song caused the Clog-gollum to be afflicted by slumber: it is unable to attack this round.

The Adventurer summons a swarm of lusid draeming n00bs (cost 35MP)

21 DMG!

You felled the clog gollum!

The Adventurer received the Wooden Clogs.

Wooden Clogs- Increase Camouflage by 4 when in Holland. Can cause splinters.

"Now onwards to the Mines of Techtalk to meet the Dwarf Kaniaz!" cried the Adventurer. The Bard (being peripheral to the story) agreed wholeheartedly and off the duo went upon the backs of the steeds Neko and Marvo. They wrode for hours upon the My Little Ponies tm stopping eventually at the town of The Lounge.

It was a busy marketplace, inhabited by many different people including the famous witch Burns. So versed was she in the world of Harry Potter that some say that she is JK Rowling by another name.

"Where are we Bard?" inquired the Adventurer in a manly manner (that's right, I know alliteration).

"I believe we are in the market city known as The Lounge." The Bard simpered, "Birthplace and home of the great Sorceress Burns."

"Burns you say?" The Adventurer stroked his chin whilst pondering to himself, "We should go there in order to advance the plot and maybe find out what to do. Also it will introduce an eccentric/wise character." He said aloud to the Bard, "Let us converse with Burns. Come Bard. Onwards!"



----------
[EDIT] Sorry this was very shit, not used to writing RPG battles like this. (Mainly because I've never played an RPG like this)

[off topic]Goldney, that was brilliant![/offtopic]

The Adventurer and his motley crew came across a hermit wandering within the walls of The Lounge, looking to buy a picture. They approached the meggyfaephotography stall and as they did, the beautiful purveyor of pictures spoke up. "Hark! How hast thou fared through yonder east?"

"We fare well," the Adventurer replied, "though these clogs that we acquired from the Clog-Golem be most uncomfortable."

It was then that the vBulletin Bard broke out in a doleful song:

The clogs are wood,
they gleam and shine,
but they're on his feet,
and not on mine.

The others ignored his woeful plight and instead, approached the hermit. "Good sir," the Adventurer called out, "would you help us on our quest?"

"No."

"But sir, we are looking for the sorceress, Burns, who may lead us to the lands of Tech Talk, to the Dwarf Kaniaz, who may join our party and aid in the defeat of the infamous Lord Leo!"

"No."

"You suck," the Adventurer replied.

"Mind not the hermit," dear Meggy replied. "He hath been alone for nigh three years and cares not for strangers."

"Really?"

"Tis' true!"

The Adventurer was not to be disuaded. "Answer me, hermit! Where is the sorceress, Burns?"

"I will tell you, but you must first answer my question."

"Out with it, you old man!"

"In Harry Potter, what is the spell used to conjour the Dark Mark?"

The Adventurer, being a normal person, didn't know the answer. However-

"Oh that's easy, Morsmordre" said the Bard. And so it was revealed that the Bard too was a fanatic. The craze was spreading...

"Hmm, a worthy opponent," mused the hermit, "Quick, how many goals posts on a quidditch pitch?"

"Six. " the Bard replied immediately with no hesitation.

"Age of Harry in first book."

"Eleven."

"How are letters sent?" The questions coming faster and faster

"Via owl."

"What happen-"

***********
[2 hours later]
***********

"Where does the boa constrictor from the first book want to go?" the hemit wheezed, tired from the interrogation.

"Home to Brazil." The Bard replied, also showing the effects of the questioning.

"Con-*cough*-gratulations. You passed spectacularly" The old hermit said. He threw back his Cloak of Concealment and revealed his true form.

It was the Great Sorceress Burns!* Cats from all over The Lounge flocked to her feet, mewling for attention, pawing her legs, one even jumped on to her shoulder.

"Now, now my pretties, give Mother room to walk to the fine gentlemen." The cats ignored her, "NOW!!!1" The cats ignored her, "Pleeease?" The cats ignored her. Clasping the bridge of her nose twixt thumb and forefinger in exasperation Burns said, "You'll have to excuse the cats, nothing I can do about it see. If only I hadn't lost my Amulet of Commanding that gave me +56 leadership."

"Have you looked under the sofa?" the Adventurer questioned.

"Of course, under the sofa. That's where it is, I can remember Mr. Fuzzworth was playing with it and knocked it under there. Thank you kind knight, for your benevolence I shall grant you one wish. What be it?" Burns inquired.

"I wish-



*Didn't see that coming did you... okay I expect you did as it was blindingly obvious.

Originally Posted by goldney

"What happen-"

****

But he was interrupted:

" - that Burns returned to her former glory!"

Suddenly the Party appeared in the courtyard of a large Palace. "Hey!" said the Adventurer, "You can't answer a wish that you yourself granted!"

"Can't I?" The woman, now in her finery, asked angrily.

"Well, it wouldn't be seemingly. Burns is said to be a kind, benevolent and wise sorceress, who always helps the needy. Not the sort to use her abilities for her own gain."

"Truth is, I have always been helpful to those in Dreamviews. But that is only because this world is full of n00bs. There is a certain post count, that, if you exceed it, I will become the most cruel cold-hearted witch towards you as you could possibility imagine. No one has exceeded it here, but on another forum, well... lets just say that he is my man-servant, now. MAN-SERVANT!"

A hunchbacked, chained and oppressed creature of a man appeared. "Yes me lady?" he said. Goldney spoke: "You are a man-servant too? Can we be friends? What is your name?"

"pj" Said the pathetic man. "It used to stand for something, but I forget which. Master says it is not important. I am hers, now."

"Shut up!" said his cruel master, "And start watering those flowers yonder."

pj crawled off. "For finding my amulet, I shall tell you what you need to know. The Mines of Techtalk is cut into the Mountains south of here. Southeast is the R&S wilds that you so desperately avoid. The acadamies of Philosophy lay North, and west of that lies the faggotry of Arcane Arena. They're into "RPGs" there. Stupid things! I tell you this because I'm an admin of this region, so I know it well."

"I'm an admin too!" piped in pj.

"Shut your hole! And come clean my Boots of Superiority! Pronto!" pj proceded to lick his master's shoes clean.

The Adventurer turned round to his devious human ally. "This place is pretty weird, and Burns isn't nice at all. Lets get out of here."

The Bulletin Bard was nowhere to be seen; no one cared. He is a peripheral character.

"Thank you for your help," Burns added. "I expect I'll see you around soon."

"Uh... yes. And bye too, uh, pj."

"Gudbye", the chained man grunted out.

They found themselves back in the Lounge town square. The Palace of Burns
lied ahead of them.

"Where have you been?" said the Bard, re-emerging.

"Don't tell him," Goldney said to his master, "he'll probably write a song about it."

"Good thinking. (and turning to the Bard) A ska concert." Said the Adventurer. The Bard looked revolted, "I certainly won't be writing a song like that, it would cause Ears of Bleeding (-5 HP/turn)."

"Onward! South to the mountains, and the Mines!" And thus they set forth, again.