Thread: TEEN ANGST MONOLOGUE

Hey, I wrote a monologue for an unplugged showcase of student's material called ' Sound and fury'. I thought some of you might enjoy it.

name is Matt, and lately I've been researching a common group that lives among us. This group is angsty teenagers. Obviously they are a fascinating and predictable group of young people that deserve our love and admiration. I've come up with 10 ways that you personally can become an angst ridden teenager.

1. If you want to be as individual and misunderstood as possible, you'll want to dress the part too. Make sure to wear a hearty helping of black, and buy cute little bunnyhugs of angst ridden bands such as 'Good Charlotte' and 'Insane Clown Posse'. Remember not to wash your clothing, or others may connect your cleanliness with the 'prep status'. To be extra individual, you may want to pick up a few pairs of fishnet stockings. You can wear them on your legs, arms, even your neck! Not only are they a fashion statement, but you'll never have to worry about food! Just learn how to fish and presto- you are less dependent on society! Way to go non-conformist!

2) Piercings are a must. To truly express your self-hatred and loathing for 'The Man" put as many holes in your head as possible. You can never have too many holes in your head, the sky is the limit. Make sure to pierce yourself with unique and creative things like paper clips and safety pins. The more office supplies you steal and incorporate into your wardrobe the better. This will frighten the elderly people around you and will simply scream out "I am a hardcore teen". People will distance themselves from you, and angst ridden animals such as crows will be attracted to your shiny metallic exterior. I've got one word for you- Individual.

3) All teenagers who are REALLY plagued with self pity and angst smoke. That's just the way it is. You need an outlit to all of your passion and hatred for society. Don't worry, you don't need to inhale. Better yet, just tell people that you smoke. They'll never know the truth, you'll even get bonus points for adding to your mystique. Keep a pack in your pocket and play with it in front of them. Just tell them that you are quitting, it'll make you seem intense.

4) This step is very important. Push away all your friends and the people who care about you. If they don't leave you alone after your attempt of pushing them away emotionally, push them away physically. Any method will do; insults, shoving, even the occasional death threat. Don't worry, they wont press charges... After all, you ARE depressed. If you have to go to therapy that's ok, it will give you street creds and even more people will marvel at your 'badass' lifestyle. That's a good thing (thumbs up).

5) Now that you know how to dress and present yourself, speech is a key role in defining yourself as an angst ridden teen. Make sure to appear individual but using common terms such as "Conformity sux" and "I hate preps". Feel free to mention how individual you are often and in a high pitched whiny voice. Here is an example of what I call the "teen angst speech pattern":
- "No one understands me"
- "I hate my life"
and my personal favourite,
- " I'm just being myself!"

Feel free to throw away your vocabulary as well! The angrier a person is, the smaller their vocabulary gets.

6) The only thing better than communication through speech is communicating your hatred and spite online! Every teen who hates his (or her) life needs to complain about it in an internet blog! Why keep your ill-intentions and evil thoughts to yourself? Spread your hate like wildfire with this fun and interactive online journal. Make sure to add a lot of links to it everywhere on the internet and when people approach you in a mob upon reading it, claim that you didn't intend for others to read it. Then yell at them and take your departure. This will make you appear angsty.

7) Every angst ridden teen hates their parents. Make sure to yell at them frequently and say things such as "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME" and "YOU WOULDN"T UNDERSTAND!". This will not only get on their nerves, but eventually lead them to agree with you. just remember, 'an angry teen is one with a cold heart'.

8)When in public, you should always appear secluded and spiteful. To acheive this, you should always brood. Just stare off into space and pretend that you are having deep meaningful thoughts. No one will have to know you aren't capable of such a thing. When you get really good at brooding, try it with an instrument. Just set it on your lap and tell people you are in a band. Dont worry, you wont actually have to learn it.

9) Become an artist! Throw paint on canvass or better yet, spray paint obscenities on walls. This will show people your artistic side and make them think of you as 'intense' and 'creative'. Adults may think that you are a vandal, but that's ok, you're a teenager!

10) The single most important part of being an angsty teen is writing bad poetry. Write about suicide, hate and death. No one will actually read it, so put it in your internet blog previously mentioned. Make it as hateful as possible.

If you follow these directions, you'll be well on your way to becoming an angst ridden teen. Congratulations! In conclusion I'd like to share an example of angst inspired poetry!

"Cold, Dark
Bone-chilling death.
Conformity sux
I'll never be a prep
Dark, Cold."

Thankyou.