Social skills

[Vance]

Social skills are very important in the event you are called to fine dining and someone's house, or in the even that you have to attend any other event of importance. The skills listed here are nearly foolproof and work in almost every circumstance you can find yourself in in high society. I hope they serve you as well as they have served me. First and foremost is modesty. I find modesty to be very important in having smooth social relations, especially with women, who have the tendency to get angry if everyone does not lower themselves to their standards. Thus, modesty is a good way of maintaining relationships with women without actually having to lobotomize yourself. It also creates the impression that you are better at everything that you do, including being modest. Whether or not this is true is irrelevant. What everyone thinks, is... until proven wrong. But the trick is never giving them the chance. Modesty is a very simple trait, simply reply to every compliment in a fashion that makes it seem you actually did it. Short little descriptin for that, but important nonetheless. Next I'll move on to courtesy. Courtesy is simply flattering everone around you with constant praise on their skill at their interests. Note that you do not want to flatter socially unsure people. This will lead to them following you around endlessly until you force them to stop. This usually makes you look very "mean" and can alienate entire families from your acquaintance. So the trick is to not feed them. If you see one coming toward you, start a conversation with someone of high status that the person is most likely afraid of. If all else fails and you find yourself engaged in conversation, all you must do is bring them so many glasses of wine they forget about you the following morning. On their first trip to relieve themselves you slip away. Courtesy should always be used when meeting new people, and especially if meeting particularly wealthy people. These people are usually only interested in one thing. If you had enough foresight to find out what this was before the party, you can easily draw them into a lengthy conversation. Be careful with this, and make sure you have everything else that had to be done completed, because you will most likely find yourself talking about boats for the rest of the party. Then comes cleverness. The more clever you look the less people will meddle with our affairs, and half the battle is already won. The only thing you have to look out for is other clever people, who always have the element of suprise if you had not the wisdom to see them. However, in the lucky event that their planned ruination upon your life does not succeed, you must strike back quickly. Attack their social life first, making sure they are preoccupied with patching up things there, and then cut out their knees by hitting their financial situation. This can be accomplished in various ways that will appear to you if you are truly clever. The best way to recover from an attack is to simply make sure the person is sick for a very long time. Again, this is very simply accomplished if you are truly clever. The next is skill. No matter how popular you are, you are always called to entertain. Music is an easy way to do this, but there are other talents to be considered too. If you are dreadfully funny, you really don't have to worry about entertainment at all. Take caution not to insult a woman though, who will almost always resort to their husbands to ruin you. As a side note, you want to be careful of women in all situations. They have a natural tendency to backstab that is usually developed during childhood. However, they can be easily outsmarted if you are paying attention. The moment they realize they are though, is the moment you need to get a taster for your food. Also of great importance is never to be attracted to them. This attraction is usually financially fatal. The one thing that they will keep on taking is flowers, so just give them that. WARNING: Giving flowers to a socially inept person will always end in much blood and tears. It is best not to do this, especially when they are grieving. Never give flowers to men. With that covered, we'll move onto the basics of temperance. Alcohol is a weapon and should be handled as such. As you should have guessed by now be wary of women giving you alcohol. As for men, you will find yourself having to share about enough alcohol to fill 10 men to the brim. Practice is the best way to develop alcoholic resistance. Usually when they offer you port or scotch they are simply practicing courtesy. When they offer you whiskey, wine or champagne they are trying to get you drunk. There is no way to hide the alcohol if they are trying to do this. You must always resort to eating to excuse for the occasional sip. They will almost always go away after this. Next I feel I should mention politeness. Politeness is different from courtesy. While courtesy is making everyone feel better, politeness is not making people feel like idiots. If someone accidentally says something that is especially stupid, you pretend not to notice. That is the essence of being polite. However, there are some instances where you literally have to shut a person up. Alcohol works wonders for this. If you give them enough, it might make the entire family leave to escort the person home. If you get the host drunk though, the party will usually crash. A note about crashing parties: In the rare event that a party has lost the right to live (usually the fault of the host) you should be prepared to end it "prematurely." The only reason you should be doing this is if the host will simply not let you leave. A good way to do this is to help the guest realize that there is no way out. Eat all the food. All of it. Stuff it into your pockets and chug the alcohol. Put it onto the trash and water the plants. Make sure nobody sees you doing this. Pretty soon people will start realizing that there is no wine left. This is when they usually reach for food. Leave only dry foods, especially starchy ones. Don't leave fruit or punch at all. Then, slowly coax people out of rooms into the main area, usually where the food is (was.) After a room has been cleared, inconspicuously shut the door. The guests will find themselves more and more uncomfortable. Close the windows. After everyone is about 4 feet from the next person, find someone with a very obnoxious voice. Make him/her laugh, a lot. By this point the guests will be worn out and tired with no more milk of life (alcohol) to continue drugging themselves with. A very important thing you have to keep in mind at all times is long dresses. Step on them as much as possible. (but obviously don't get caught) If the host is still intent on you talking with him, make sure it is done where nobody else can see him. They will assume he has left. When the host and you return to find the party gone, quickly take your leave and be done with it. If for some reason you are still stuck, and the host is serving coffee, put salt in it. Put salt in everything that has not been eaten (in case there was too much food for you to hide/eat) And put huge amounts of sugar into the wine (again, if there is wine left, common if the person has a cellar) Lemonade is a very good choice for extra lemon juice. They will drink the lemonade and find it horribly sour, will reach for the wine and find it sweet, and disgusted turn to the salty food. If someone does not vomit they will look very sick and definitely find any way to leave. Just basics, really.

[Man of Steel]

Paragraph breaks are your friend.

[AmazeO XD]

Paragraph breaks are your friend. QFT

[dragonoverlord]

Hugest block of text i've seen in a while.

[RockNRoller123]

Hugest block of text i've seen in a while. I think my Epic Dream is longer. (See Sig) Never mind. I checked and it's almost as long.

[Vance]

Sorry, I'm the record holder by far. (Post #21)

[Sandform]

Social skills are very important in the event you are called to fine dining and someone's house, or in the even that you have to attend any other event of importance. The skills listed here are nearly foolproof and work in almost every circumstance you can find yourself in in high society. I hope they serve you as well as they have served me. First and foremost is modesty. I find modesty to be very important in having smooth social relations, especially with women, who have the tendency to get angry if everyone does not lower themselves to their standards. Thus, modesty is a good way of maintaining relationships with women without actually having to lobotomize yourself. It also creates the impression that you are better at everything that you do, including being modest. Whether or not this is true is irrelevant. What everyone thinks, is... until proven wrong. But the trick is never giving them the chance. Modesty is a very simple trait, simply reply to every compliment in a fashion that makes it seem you actually did it. Short little descriptin for that, but important nonetheless. Next I'll move on to courtesy. Courtesy is simply flattering everyone around you with constant praise on their skill at their interests. Note that you do not want to flatter socially unsure people. This will lead to them following you around endlessly until you force them to stop. This usually makes you look very "mean" and can alienate entire families from your acquaintance. So the trick is to not feed them. If you see one coming toward you, start a conversation with someone of high status that the person is most likely afraid of. If all else fails and you find yourself engaged in conversation, all you must do is bring them so many glasses of wine they forget about you the following morning. On their first trip to relieve themselves you slip away. Courtesy should always be used when meeting new people, and especially if meeting particularly wealthy people. These people are usually only interested in one thing. If you had enough foresight to find out what this was before the party, you can easily draw them into a lengthy conversation. Be careful with this, and make sure you have everything else that had to be done completed, because you will most likely find yourself talking about boats for the rest of the party. Then comes cleverness. The more clever you look the less people will meddle with our affairs, and half the battle is already won. The only thing you have to look out for is other clever people, who always have the element of suprise if you had not the wisdom to see them. However, in the lucky event that their planned ruination upon your life does not succeed, you must strike back quickly. Attack their social life first, making sure they are preoccupied with patching up things there, and then cut out their knees by hitting their financial situation. This can be accomplished in various ways that will appear to you if you are truly clever. The best way to recover from an attack is to simply make sure the person is sick for a very long time. Again, this is very simply accomplished if you are truly clever. The next is skill. No matter how popular you are, you are always called to entertain. Music is an easy way to do this, but there are other talents to be considered too. If you are dreadfully funny, you really don't have to worry about entertainment at all. Take caution not to insult a woman though, who will almost always resort to their husbands to ruin you. As a side note, you want to be careful of women in all situations. They have a natural tendency to backstab that is usually developed during childhood. However, they can be easily outsmarted if you are paying attention. The moment they realize they are though, is the moment you need to get a taster for your food. Also of great importance is never to be attracted to them. This attraction is usually financially fatal. The one thing that they will keep on taking is flowers, so just give them that. WARNING: Giving flowers to a socially inept person will always end in much blood and tears. It is best not to do this, especially when they are grieving. Never give flowers to men. With that covered, we'll move onto the basics of temperance. Alcohol is a weapon and should be handled as such. As you should have guessed by now be wary of women giving you alcohol. As for men, you will find yourself having to share about enough alcohol to fill 10 men to the brim. Practice is the best way to develop alcoholic resistance. Usually when they offer you port or scotch they are simply practicing courtesy. When they offer you whiskey, wine or champagne they are trying to get you drunk. There is no way to hide the alcohol if they are trying to do this. You must always resort to eating to excuse for the occasional sip. They will almost always go away after this. Next I feel I should mention politeness. Politeness is different from courtesy. While courtesy is making everyone feel better, politeness is not making people feel like idiots. If someone accidentally says something that is especially stupid, you pretend not to notice. That is the essence of being polite. However, there are some instances where you literally have to shut a person up. Alcohol works wonders for this. If you give them enough, it might make the entire family leave to escort the person home. If you get the host drunk though, the party will usually crash. A note about crashing parties: In the rare event that a party has lost the right to live (usually the fault of the host) you should be prepared to end it "prematurely." The only reason you should be doing this is if the host will simply not let you leave. A good way to do this is to help the guest realize that there is no way out. Eat all the food. All of it. Stuff it into your pockets and chug the alcohol. Put it onto the trash and water the plants. Make sure nobody sees you doing this. Pretty soon people will start realizing that there is no wine left. This is when they usually reach for food. Leave only dry foods, especially starchy ones. Don't leave fruit or punch at all. Then, slowly coax people out of rooms into the main area, usually where the food is (was.) After a room has been cleared, inconspicuously shut the door. The guests will find themselves more and more uncomfortable. Close the windows. After everyone is about 4 feet from the next person, find someone with a very obnoxious voice. Make him/her laugh, a lot. By this point the guests will be worn out and tired with no more milk of life (alcohol) to continue drugging themselves with. A very important thing you have to keep in mind at all times is long dresses. Step on them as much as possible. (but obviously don't get caught) If the host is still intent on you talking with him, make sure it is done where nobody else can see him. They will assume he has left. When the host and you return to find the party gone, quickly take your leave and be done with it. If for some reason you are still stuck, and the host is serving coffee, put salt in it. Put salt in everything that has not been eaten (in case there was too much food for you to hide/eat) And put huge amounts of sugar into the wine (again, if there is wine left, common if the person has a cellar) Lemonade is a very good choice for extra lemon juice. They will drink the lemonade and find it horribly sour, will reach for the wine and find it sweet, and disgusted turn to the salty food. If someone does not vomit they will look very sick and definitely find any way to leave. Just basics, really. clip notes version....or is it cliff notes? I don't understand if it is cliff notes, someone fill me in on that idiom. 1. Lie about who you are. 2. Lie about what you think of people. Of course not people who don't get flattery all the time, they'll ask for more and annoy you. 3. To get rid of people make them feel inferior. 4. Grease the palms of rich people. 5. To really emotionally fuck people up talk about how little friends they have and how poor their finances are. 6. Women are bitches from birth. Don't fuck with them. 7. Drink a lot when you're alone so you don't get drunk easy, also watch out for people who are trying to get you drunk. 8. If you want something from someone don't make them feel stupid, of course if you dislike them go out of your way to try to make them look stupid. 9. Fuck up the food and drinks if you don't like the party and can't escape without ruining the party. There now the people who skipped it and just read the comments will understand it without having to read =).

[Vance]

NO SILLY!!! You have to read the POST!!!

[dreamsinmymynd]

tl;dr