I had pre-heated the oven and inserted a cold, uncooked pizza.

I knew that in 15-17 minutes it would come out of it's dark, hot prison deliciously edible.

Alas, the minutes flew too slowly. The seconds crawled with my hunger. What was only seconds seemed like hours. What was only minutes seemed like days.

Despite my patient dedication, the manner in which I chose to kill the time caused me to lose myself. Browsing DV, my eyes glanced at the chronometer at the bottom of the monitor and to my horror I realized that the pizza had been ready for minutes now. I had to act fast.

Leaping from my computer chair and ignoring my neighbors under me, I sprinted to the oven and threw open it's cruel door, unprepared for it's offensive volley of steam.

It's attack hit me square in the eyes and fogged my glasses. I threw my arm up in front of my face, but to no avail. The damage had been done and I was staggering back into the dishwasher.

But the battle was not over, not in the least. Laughing victoriously I turned the temperature nob back to 0 from whence it came.

But I could not savor my victory, oh no. The last remnants of heat were still being directed at my foodstuffs as some final animosity from the defeated kitchen appliance.

But it would not gain it's satisfaction. There was still time, if slim, to save the pizza. Without time to ready the mitts, I grabbed the nearest cloth I could find, doubled it up over my right hand and deftly removed my prize upon it's silver platter.

I was quick. I had to be as the heat was melting through the cloth.

Only my dexterity and will kept me from dropping the metal tray entirely. But I did not.

Instead, I completed my task and slammed the door, keeping my enemy at bay. Next time we engaged in combat, I would be ready. Until then, I know that she will wait and plan, festering her hatred to sabotage tomorrows dinner....

In the end one fact is undeniable however...

My Pizza's Ready! I'm going to go eat now. Ciao.