My girlfriend has vivid nightmares..

[MKiller5]

Hey people. I have gotten very interested in everything related to sleep recently, and I ask on DV because many people know a lot about it. My girlfriend had an ex-boyfriend which hit her and they then broke up. He begged for her to come back, but he was pretty much losing his mind. He later committed suicide mostly because of that.. And now she has gotten some "small" personal problems, she's not still totally traumatized about it. But almost EVERY TIME we'er together, and we sleep together, when she falls asleep (very quickly always) I just hug her close to me and try to turn her incoming nightmares into plesent mostly sex-related dreams (has worked a couple times by kissing her and stuff while she sleeps). Other than that, I really can't do anything to avoid her getting a nightmare. She can hear me in hear dreams, and if I whisper kind words like "I love you" and stuff like that, it can also turn the nightmare a bit. But the nightmare keeps going until she eventually wakes up.. Always scared, sometimes beginning to cry. She had a period once where she dreams a loooong story.. It lasted around 25 nightmares, and she knew like "Okay, these nightmares will end in around 4 dreams".. The story isn't real, and the story-dream-line is over, but she still has vivid nightmares about horrible things mostly happening to her, but sometimes me too. She's also afraid I'm gonna change into some violent guy like her ex-boyfriend, she's just to embarresed to tell me. But ... Having these vivid nightmares everytime she fall asleep ONLY when I'm near? I've tried not touching her too, like I'm not there, but of cause she knows I'm sleeping near her anyways and still get the nightmares. A little example to show how life-like/vivid/scary these dreams are for her, is sometimes, if she is getting stabbed/strangled (sometimes even dies in the dream) she stops breathing for around 30-45 seconds. The first times I freaked out and actually began breathing through her mouth for her, but I've gotten a little used to it, then she wakes up or just keeps dreaming the nightmare. She's not in SP at all obviously either, she rolls around in the bed. ONE TIME, she actually strangled herself (I knew she wouldn't SERIOUSLY strangle herself of cause) in real life, because someone did it to her in the dream. And when I try to hold her back, she literally uses ALL her power to try and push me away. She also began strangling me once in the dream (I had it under control though, I didn't let her squeeze hard (The first times I moved her hand, but she would just keep trying to get to my neck)). This is getting waaaaaaaaay too long, sorry.. I REALLY hope you guys has ANYTHING to say to this, if you've heard about something similair in any way, just small fragments is good too... Thanks in advance.

[Astralghost]

Hi there! Sorry to hear about your girlfriends situation, it is truly energy-draining to say the least. 'Nightmare-streaks' have happend to me too. They are as a rule related to stress, which in her's situation is pretty clear. Being abused often leads to complicated diseases which can be very deceaving! Persons who suffers from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) often do not know that they are suffering from it and can sometimes repress it far back in their conciousness which can manifest in bad nightmares. Persons who have been abused, especially physically can get [I]flashbacks[I] when physically touched. Even though it's from a loving hand, it doesn't really matter for the brain unfortunatly. But, I don't think you should be taking it out on yourself at all! It is very important not to step aside and become afraid, or worse, blaim yourself or thinking that your presence provokes her nightmares. I have a couple of suggestions for you two to proceed with; Talk to her about meditation before bedtime. Either plain old meditation or just another form of relaxation. For example, listen to her favorite music (that she doesn't associate with her ex), drink some dark or red tea not green. Go over your sleephygiene i.e cool bedroom temperature, no TV or other distractions directly before bed, that goes for sex too. When you have sex, try to get up for a little while afterwards so she doesn't sleep right away. It could be that to much physical directly before sleep puts to much tension in her. I know that is contradictory having in mind that sex usually relaxes you, but in her case maybe it would be a good idea to get up for 10minutes. Second, talk to her how she feels about lucid dreaming and learning to do it. Maybe you can read up on it here or tip her to do it. My friend's ex-girldfriend have similar problems with nightmares and she is now undergoing the task of learning to LD, to take control over the bad things in her dreams and confront them. That could also be something to try. Lastly, if none of the previous methods shows to work you should consider seeing a doctor who can prescribe her something or ordinate her to a psychologist (seeing that you are from Denmark it propbably wont be a hefty medical bill ). I recommend the last alternative regardless how the other options turn out. Abusive relationships and suicide is enough of a bad experience to break anyone! I hope this helps! All good sleeping health to you and your girlfriend!