1) That balance you refer to is the key to WILD success, I had the problem you listed where I would always get the opposite ends of the spectrum. Your answer about anchors is both, a good anchor will keep you distracted and keep you alert. Mine is to count from 1-10 and back with each inhale. Starting from 1 again is useful because it gives you small bursts of alertness, whereas the breathing focus is primarily a distraction from your bodily sensations. If you're going with breathing just bare in mind to have a passive focus, don't force your breathing, it can be hard to understand but you'll know you're doing it right when you end up counting and breathing in synch without paying attention.
You'll find that balance yourself with experience, I don't think anybody can teach you it sadly. I found mine and can hit SP in a hitch the only issue is maintaining that mind set through SP, when SP hits it can be quite exciting only real way to not pay attention to SP is to experience SP more and more , I've gotten better now I can last a minute is SP whereas previously I used to last 5 seconds. Just a note keeping tabs on your progress like I do is useful in keeping you motivated.
A tip I have is to completely eliminate one end of the spectrum, for instance I rarely have any moments where I focus too much, to do that, work on a better aforementioned distraction and just make sure that if you ever become too focused go to sleep! Or make sure to clear your mind. I still have moments where I don't focus enough, focusing on controlling one state is incredibly easier then trying to weigh up both trust me.
2) A lapse in consciousness is what you're trying to avoid, so yes 100% consciousness is the goal. Just don't confuse consciousness with focus.
That experience you mention seems like a hypnic jerk but also a weird period of lucidity, I've had mine, once I woke-up rolled over into my pillow. I only had a slight urge to perform a WILD some how this carried over subconsciously and I saw hypnagogic patterns and felt deep SP. Don't seek after that weird experience as what you need to be doing, its just one of those times where certain factors just seem to come into play at the right time.
3) Regarding your lack of sucess last night, don't worry bro . It just sounds to me like your body wasn't ready to hit SP, likely because you hadn't hit a REM cycle yet, it seems like you got the technique perfect though, nice work. Seems like now you just have to work with your times, right now because you sound too awake I recommend stepping back 30 minutes, say 3:30am, keep subtracting/adding 30 minutes from that time.
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