Xanous' Dream Journal

#465 - 4:12AM - DILD

I have a long dream segment where I am at some version of my first job ever; Long John Silver's. I am revisiting as my current self and watching the manager cook. I join in and fry some fish.

Now I am riding in a car. I see a Sonic restaurant that is totally black with huge billows of smoke coming from it. I watch as we get closer and I can hear some theatrical and dangerous-sounding-music. Suddenly, the scene dims for just a fraction of a second. Then, I hear a short fart (lol) and some happy sounding music as I find myself riding in the same car, but in a very normal looking neighborhood. I notice the Sonic building is completely gone, and because of this, I instantly become lucid. I look at the driver and see my wife. I tell her how weird that glitch was and how this is all a dream. She keeps her eyes on the road with both hands on the wheel and only smiles in reply.
I continue, " So we can fly. Go. Fly us away."
The car lifts up into the air, but I lose visuals at this point and find myself floating in a bardo. I recognize this for what it is and try to stimulate some feeling by making swimming motions. After a few seconds, I begin to feel like the air is thickening into water. I see something... some movement. An animated electric blue outline of a shark emerges from the darkness and opens its jaws. It all looks very psychedelic so there is no fear. Instead of moving away, I pretend to be the bigger fish and open wide ready to bite. I wake up before we collide.

#426 - DILD - 8:08AM

WBTB coffee induced several vivid dreams most of which I forgot. I had very little wakefulness and ended the morning with a DILD.

I am at my son's birthday party, but as I enter the room, I see I am at my ex-in-law's house. Ex-wife's brother nods and says, "What's up." I reply politely then step outside. I can't be here. I am pissed of that we are doing this here, but rather than make a scene I decide to leave. I decide to make up for my absence by getting my son an extra gift.

I drive someplace in bad winter wx— which is dumb because his birthday is in the summer. I walk into a store feeling sleet hit my face. I walk around looking at various things. I see a guy that I work with IWL that I really try to avoid at all costs. I skirt around to avoid him and make my way to the front door. One of his twin sons tackle the back of my legs, making me fall. I'm pissed and want to teach the kid a lesson so I pinch his arm. He's cries and runs off to his dad and I make a bee-line to the door. I half expect a confrontation and I keep thinking what I will say. "You wanna throw down? Knuckle up bitch!" I'd never say that IWL.

No one comes after me and when I step outside, I remember that I am sleeping in bed and become lucid. I immediately think that I should really start having clear goals lined up because I have no idea what to do now. I see my car parked in front of me with small amounts of ice and sleet accumulated on it. The Dodge Journey looks more like a Charger now, but I ignore this as dream inconsistencies. I recall the mirror TOTM and try to make one of the windows a mirror. I say some nonsense incantation and wave my arms, but nothing happens. I see some sort of white sheet in the back seat and think it would be fun to use that as a focal point as I phase through the glass feet first. I jump in smoothly, but when I look up from the sheets, I feel vertigo and the dream blacks out. I stabilize by feeling the sides of the fronts seats with both hands. It's a sensation like wet hands on leather. There's a low squeaking sound to accommodate. I almost catch a vision of the seats, but it quickly morphs into my laptop keyboard. I go with the flow and start typing. I look up at the screen and see "www.microsoft.com.comcomcomcom" in the browser's nav bar. I hit enter and a cheesy fireplace screensaver pops up. Then the flame engulfs the entire screen and I laugh at the irony, "Hahahaha! That's really funny." I have a tendency to really dislike Microsoft products though I am usually forced to use them. This totally goes with the theme of this dream. The dream quickly fades and I wake up.

Blimp NLD - Time?

I am riding in the car with my mother down a highway that cuts thought a dense forested area. A large whale shaped blimp lands in the road ahead of us. I take a snapchat and fire shoots out the back of it and it flies away. I want to redo the snapchat because I didn't get a good shot. We pass under and I take a video out the back window. I am laughing at the crazy blimp, but my laughter turns to cries of dismay as the blimp explodes. I am sad at the lives lost. I am amazed that I got that on video, but my snapchat only plays back a selfie video of my reaction and not of the blimp.

#424 - DILD - 5:33AM

My sister in law M has a runners backpack on. It looks a lot like the picture below but it all white with red trim and is made of soft, dry-wick, polyester. I really want one of my own for when I start cycling back up as well as trail running. I tell my wife I really want one as I look it up on my phone. The brand is called 'Calender 3' and the model is 'Delilah'. Hmmm sounds girly, but I still like it. I see it costs $30 and I tell my wife that it's not a bad price. I wake up really hoping this backpack is real.



it's almost 4am so I get up, use the bathroom, and get a drink — generally milling about for a few minutes. I decide to lay back down and spend some time meditating but pass out quickly.

I am playing some sort of war game on an arcade machine, but I realize that everything I am doing is actually a real battle. I see several other arcade machines lined up next to me and I decide to call in the others to help. Everything is set up outside in near a war torn, dilapidated building. I round a corner and shout, "Hey." someone fires a shot but misses. I use my cell phone to signal so they know it's me. I call out for 5 troops and the come. I realize only 2 or 3 are left so I tell them all to come. One looks like an Imperial Officer from Star Wars.



My daughters come to join the war game and I set my older up on a fighter jet game. My younger is going to be my co-op player 2 on my game. I have some issue with the buttons and the front has extended like a long table. I have to climb to reach the player 2 button. My son gets in my seat and falls and hits his head. I yell harshly at my younger daughter because she didn't stop him. Then I feel bad for yelling and apologize to her as I hold my crying son on the couch. My older daughter is player her game but she is attacking the wrong country, Japan. I know they will for sure break from the alliance now. Think she may as well do as much damage as possible. I watch as she is flying close to skyscrapers and shooting out windows. The fires off a few rockets but doesn't do much damage. She finally crashes into a building and laughs.

I stand up and now I am in the living room at home. My daughter and I have some conversation about what just happened and somehow I decide this is all a dream. I say, "I've decide this is a dream." The world almost crashes here, but I stabilize by jumping up and down around the house.. The sensation brings everything back to vividness. I randomly decide to do pull-ups on the chandelier over the dining table. I feel my muscles tense and I wonder if I am some how benefiting from this exercise. I decide to make it 'harder' so I extend my legs forward to the ceiling as I continue pull-ups. I feel physical muscle strain now. This almost wakes me up so I stop and swing off the chandelier into the living room area (it's actually all one big room).

My son is trying to get outside and I stop him at first, but remembering its a dream, I take him outside with me as we adventure. I decide to have fun in the car and I take time to put him in the car seat. I know it doesn't matter, but it makes me feel better to do this. I wonder if I will have difficulty and waste time fumbling with things, but everything goes smoothly. I hop in the driver seat and turn the key. The car is positioned wrong and I have to back up and turn around. I reverse it and then slam it hard into 'drive' and peel out as I leave the drive way. I drive fast without stopping at intersection and make several random turns. I come to a traffic light and weave around the stopped cars, cutting the others off. I quickly lose interest in driving and my visual weaken. I have to focus the dream back and decide I need to bring the joy ride to an end. I see the road ends at the doors of a department store so I floor it. The effort of the gas pedal make my foot extra tired.

We crash through the glass and now I am standing in the mall holding my son. There is an extra large RC car about the size of a shopping cart in front of me. It's plowing through kiosks and stands. A young woman in a grey dress screams and runs away. Jerry from work says something about my driving a car into the mall again. Again? I've never done this. A security guard runs up to stop the car shouting the same thing as Jerry. I wake up.

#210 - 7:05AM - DEILD

My wife wake me up around 6:30am when she leaving for work. I decide it's time to really take advantage of sleeping in and set my intentions. I try to WILD but I am still too tired. Later I awaken from a NLD that I can't remember and just try to DEILD.

The first thing I notice is the sound of the fan cutting out completely and then the shift from my physical body to my dream body. I feel completely ethereal and light. After that, I get the vibrations. I try my usual way of "physically" exiting bed but lately I just can't get that to work so I try visualization. I try running and it feels good but nothing will form. I try seeing the back of my eyelids but I notice the morning light too much. Then I try seeing my hands and it helps but not quite enough. Then, I realize that I am putting too much attention to the blindness. I let go of it and I see the top of a door way. I do a few chin ups on it concentrating only on the task at hand.

The dream clears up and I walk out the front door. I immediately feel the cold of the concrete on my bare feet. The air feels very cold and my upper-body becomes cold. I realize I am only wearing pants. I tell myself that it is summer and should be warm. The cold vanishes and I continue on. What will the dream bring me this time? I scan the neighborhood for anything unusual. Nothing really get my attention so I start jogging but at that moment I see out next-door neighbor's car and decide to drive. As I approach it, it morphs from sedan to van. I hop in and don't even bother trying to start it. I just grab the old steering wheel gear shift and slam it in reverse and hit the gas. When I get out of the driveway and slam it to drive, the car stalls for a second and dies. I refuse to believe it and I push the gas all the way down. After a moment I am speeding off through the neighbor hood.

I begin to think of a destination and wonder if I could drive to Hell. Along the way I see metal buildings with one marked "Hell" on it. I decide this isn't going to be good enough so I pass it by and think about the Great Wall of China again. The surroundings turn from busy traffic and commercial buildings to wide open countryside. I fell like I need to get off the road to find the Great Wall. I pull up on the steering wheel and shout, "FLYYYYY!" For a moment all I can see is blue sky and clouds. Nope, too high. Think hovercraft. The front of the car comes back down and dissolves. Now I am zoom flying over grassy fields and dense forests searching for the Great Wall. I am enjoying the speed and the low altitude flight when the dream comes to a halt. I then awaken in reserve order of the DEILD. Darkness, back to physical body, the fan returns, and I open my eyes.

I was going for WILD after my WBTB but I was very tired and my WBTB was too short. I had several awakenings but only remember two of the dreams.

#1
I am at work with some silver can in my hand it looks like a tall boy beer. I get the idea that has huperzine in it. I take a long drink and note the taste. It is very sweet and fruity with a pleasant alcohol after taste. I look at the can and see its Blueberry Pomegranate flavored. I remember taking huperzine earlier and try to calculate how much huperzine is in my system now. I worry that it will be too much.

I see Frank walk by and he comments on my drink. Something about how he wants to try some so he can get lucid. I am shocked and happy that I turned so many people at work on to lucidity. (actually just 2 in waking life).

I realize that having beer at work will get me fired so I try to hid it under my desk. Then, I not a horrible side effect of drinking huperzine beer in the day time. I am incredibly aroused and it will not subside. My boss asks me to come over to talk to her but I am too embarrassed get up out of my chair. I quickly wake up.

#2

I am at my old Jr. High cafeteria in Smithville, TX watching some play on the stage that was there in waking life. Then play ends but we they begin a second showing and every moans about it. We stay because we all feel obligated to support our children.

The curtain opens and someone is trying to hang something on a wall that had busted out sheet rock. I am curious if this is the actual play of if they need to fix the set. I wonder up on stage and some toddlers come out to play with me. I talk to one and then realize I am on stage. I duck and army crawl away.

I have a brief awakening and focus on my awareness and body.

#186 - 5:18AM - DEILD

I find myself back at my old Jr. High but I am outside in the commons area where we used to hang out before class. I am staring at the concrete and see the trash can that is always there. I look and see the grassy center and the structure around me. For a moment the memory is so vivid that it conjures up old indescribable emotions that are only connected to that time and place. For just that moment, I am completely overwhelmed and think that I literally somehow teleported there in waking life.

I quickly recover from this and assure myself that I am dreaming. I look around at the scene and note how correct everything seems. After a moment my vision gets a little blurry so I stop and remember my task. I walk around toward the gym and shout out, "CANISLUCIDUS!" CL's name sounds and feel a little thick in my mouth so I shout out his real name which is much easier to say. Nobody shows up so I decide to just call him on my cell phone. I reach to my right pocked were it always is and at first I feel nothing but after a few pats I feel a lump and then the shape of my phone.

I pull it out and blindly push something on the screen saying CL's first and last name then put the phone to my ear. I immediately hear a very stereotypical Russia man on the other end.

The details are a little hazy with the dialogue but I remember basically what was said. I may have to paraphrase a little here.

Man: This is [firstname][lastname].
Me: Uuummm. OK. Where are you?
Man: Rustonovic Farms (or something like that then some Russian phrase)
Me: Rustonovic Farms?

I repeat the Rustonovic Farms and the phrase several times to remember. I quickly decide this is gibberish and let it go.

Me: I want to talk to the real [Firstname][lastname]

There is silence on the line but I wait. Then...

CL: Hey! How are you?
Me: Hey! What's up,man? This is Mike. You know from the Internet. It's Xanous. (CL begins talking excitedly but I interrupt him.) I want to tell you something. You are dreaming.

I want CL to actually be here so I look over to my right expecting to see him. He's standing right next to me on a cell phone but he doesn't seem to notice that I am here. I look at him while talking.

Me: You are DREAMING. Get it? This is a DREAM.

The light of recognition seems to come into CL's eyes now.

CL: OH WOOOOW! Yeah I am.
Me: Ok good! So here's my code word. It's [code word] Remember that. OK what's mine.
CL: Account numbers.

I realize we started walking together now and notice that we made our way over to the high school parking lot. I look over at CL and he still has the phone to his ear like he is talking to someone else.

Me: Really? Account numbers? That's two words.
CL: [Gibberish]
Me: Ok so account numbers it is.

I realize that CL's voice has gone sort of flat and lifeless. I wonder if he's lost his . I look back over at CL and I see that he is a boy now and we are at my waking life car. I open the door. The dream is getting unstable and my lucidity is starting to slip. CL climbs up into the car and sits in a car seat. I go with the motions and strap him in.

Me: You're not really lucid are you? Are you even [first name]?

The scene goes dark and I find myself in the void. I quickly wake myself to remember the dream.

Aids:1/8 tea peppermint oil before bed
Methods:DEILD/WILD - FA
Morning Suppliments:500mg L-Lysine, 500mg C, 595mg Potassium Gluconcate, 1 Super B-Complex
Sleep Quality: Light, wakefulness, RLS

Huge Storm 1:12 AM
Huge storm coming. Riding with dad. I see storm shelter. I hear some song that reminds me of someone. And then another song. I remember an ex-girlfriend.
"I say I hate all songs."
I see Jeremy and Jess in the car with us.
"What song? I say do tunes to what you want."

Dude, Where's My Car? 3:15 AM ish

I am at my parents sleeping in a recliner. It is dark and I can't sleep.
I went to my parents with the kids. I am leaving. But I can't find my car. I see a white car that is stripped down. The kids think it's mine but I know better. We run down the street looking for it. I feel tired and weak and can't run well. I see white cars everywhere but none are mine. I don't want to call the police yet because I keep thinking that I remember that I parked in a strange place and I knew I would not remember. I tell the kids this.

Now we are in some nursing home and wondering around. Not sure what happens here. Something about me not being a good enough Christian. How I let bad things into my life. Thats why bad things happen. Some old woman? I feel guilty for lucid dreaming like it is a sin.

We leave. I tell my kids we got to look some more before we call the cops. Deanna says that Dalynn already did. I asked her about that. It was when I was holding her and she blew into a strange balloon.
She says, "Well that lady scared me. So I called the cops."
We run outside but I feel overwhelmed and too tired to walk. I lay down in the grass and dirt. I curl up on a mound of dirt. I tell the kids I just want to close my eyes. My body relaxes and I wake up.

WILD 3:30AM ish
When I wake up I am in the recliner that I moved to because of my RLS. I don't move a muscle. I relax myself and I roll my eyes into the back of my head and focus on my skull. Sleep Paralysis almost immediately kicks in.

I hear the familiar strong wind sound laced with rinings of the ears. I feel the familiar vibrations and windy sensations. I noticed this time that the sound and vibrations increased and decreased in intensity like waves on a beach. I make a quick note of this. I can feel my legs moving up. It feels like something has me by the ankles. I become afraid and I have to remind myself it is not real. I try to enter the dream but I get stuck in SP for longer than I wanted and because of the last dream I thought I was doing something evil. I keet telling myself that it was ok. And it wasn't real. You do this all the time and its always been fine. No good, the feeling was persistent.
I try to ignore the thoughts and visualise anything to move on. I my mind wonder and my dream eyes see.

I see a road. I am flying low and fast down a vivid and brightly lit road road hugged tightly by evergreen trees. I enjoy this but my eyes begin to opened and I see the dark living room with one eye and the road with the other.

I go back into full SP. Still the same feeling of guilt. I think that this is getting no where and I want to go back to my bed. So I suddenly and forcibly make myself get up. I stumble back to my bedroom. I heard and felt my loud footsteps.

I think how odd this is. I was feeling the vibrations like wind on my body. The loud sound of wind and ringing. Typical SP. Was it possible to not be truly paralyzed in sp?

I now find myself tangled in my blanket. I am standing by my bed and I can't find my way out. I am unsure of what happened. I feel so confused and my mind feels numb.

I say, "I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming." But my voice sounds odd. It is weak and unsure. Almost like I am asking a question. I am not convinced. Then I throw myself in the bed. Now I can find my way out. I feel half asleep and strange.

All my actions have woke my wife up. My wife mocks me. And complains how this is not good what I'm doing. She is pissed I woke her. I feel embarrassed and say nothing. She gets up to go the bathroom. I close my eyes and relax. But instead of going to sleep I wake up still in the recliner. God dammed FA!

I was so sure I was awake.