Xanous' Dream Journal

#479 - DILD - 7:38AM

I've had a little bit of a dry spell lately with work being so crazy so it was nice to get to sleep in today and get a solid LD. Dry spells suck! It's weird that my old bathroom dream sign brings me lucidity once again.

I notice that peeing doesn't relieve my need to go so I lucidly try to make my son fly then I play with breaking glass.

A have a somewhat vague memory of a DEILD or in-dream-WILD. I feel my body is dream-like and I relax, letting myself merge into that familiar other. I have a hard time separating then spend a few moments wondering around the house I am in. My memory fades....

I am wandering around work with my son worried about some prophecy that I am "TO DO GREAT THINGS". I worry that I am not up to the task and that I am just a regular guy. I walk along the walkway and move into the bathroom. I have to pee really bad, but when I pee at the urinal my need doesn't go away. I try again and pee just as much. I recall having a non lucid dream earlier in the night about weird pee situations (truth) and think this must be the same type of dream. I am already lucid now, but I do a nose plug just to be sure. Yep. I leave the bathroom and rejoin my son.

There is a catwalk about the main production area with offices and cubical that open to the area. I toss my son up there hoping he will start flying around the shop. As I toss him up I shout, "HEY YOU CAN FLY!" He just lands on the up level. I rush up stairs and find him just sitting there. I say, "Common. You can fly. Just do it." I trow him up again, but he just lands hard and seems like he is in some vegetative state. The sight of him like that is disturbing so I move on.

I quickly recall my goal to make glass break control the shards with mind power. I rush to the break-room where I know there is a large glass window. I am happy to be at work because this is actually how I got the idea for this task. I stare at the window and it cracks all over but doesn't fall out. I make hand motions and point for the shards to fly out but the don't. I stand more directly in front of the broken glass and force it to fly out. I see a million tiny shards of glass float all around me like snow. It's all I can see for a moment then it fades away to the window still intact, but still shattered. I don't get annoyed, but play with it another way by forcing my face into it. The glass resists and stretches way out until I phase through. Instead of being in the break-room I am now in some small area with a door leading outside. I heard a voice and knocking. I say, "Who's there?"
The voice replies, "Steve, Mary, Sam, I mean, Samantha."
The voice seems to be a liar and I don't trust it. I sense something ominous there. I say, "Well, you're not coming it. You're never coming in." I turn away and begin walking when I wake up.

AND GO PEE FOR REAL

#470 - DEILD - 12:07AM

I wake up slightly, but have enough mindfulness to try to DEILD. It's pretty dark at first and I spend a lot of time making walking motions with my goal as my mantra (Jump on the trampoline). When the walking feels vivid enough, I decide to clap my hands and slap my face as hard as I can. There is a dull sound and tingling sensation upon impact. I now move on to my goal and imagine myself jumping on the trampoline in my back yard. The view of my backyard quickly fills in, but it's still really dark. I don't like this bother and I begin to jump extra high. The sensation of falling back down gets my stomach at first and I have to try really hard not to let it bother me. I notice how high I get as I watch the roofs of houses falls below me. After a few moments I get bored with this and latch on to an impossibly tall tree and climb up. I can clearly see limbs and bright greens leave as I make my way higher and higher. I see another tree close by and I decide to jump over to that one then swing down by hanging on the end of a long thin branch.
My brother is standing on the ground looking at me. "How did you do that?", he asks.
What does he mean doesn't he know this is a dream? I answer, "I'm just like a squirrel. It works the same way."

I am now standing in the main room of my house and I see my son smiling at me. I leap up and kick of a near wall to glide over him. I imagine flying is a lot like swimming as I swim all around the room like its a pool. My son chases me smiling and laughing and I get a chuckle out of it. For some reason I want my brother to see this and I decide to look for him in the kitchen, but he is no where to be found. Then, I become afraid that I will lose the recall of this dream so I decide to wake up.


I quickly record my dream and suddenly feel myself sinking back into that half dream zone.

I find myself wondering around some version of my house with my son. A set of non-existent stairs appear and we climb up them together. I am really curious what I will find, but I suddenly wake up again. I totally forgot that I had put my knees up while recording in my DJ and my left leg had flopped over, waking me up.

I only have recall of one other non lucid dream for the night. It was like a movie and these boys had entered into a cartoon world. They tried to find a solution to the problem.

#426 - DILD - 8:08AM

WBTB coffee induced several vivid dreams most of which I forgot. I had very little wakefulness and ended the morning with a DILD.

I am at my son's birthday party, but as I enter the room, I see I am at my ex-in-law's house. Ex-wife's brother nods and says, "What's up." I reply politely then step outside. I can't be here. I am pissed of that we are doing this here, but rather than make a scene I decide to leave. I decide to make up for my absence by getting my son an extra gift.

I drive someplace in bad winter wx— which is dumb because his birthday is in the summer. I walk into a store feeling sleet hit my face. I walk around looking at various things. I see a guy that I work with IWL that I really try to avoid at all costs. I skirt around to avoid him and make my way to the front door. One of his twin sons tackle the back of my legs, making me fall. I'm pissed and want to teach the kid a lesson so I pinch his arm. He's cries and runs off to his dad and I make a bee-line to the door. I half expect a confrontation and I keep thinking what I will say. "You wanna throw down? Knuckle up bitch!" I'd never say that IWL.

No one comes after me and when I step outside, I remember that I am sleeping in bed and become lucid. I immediately think that I should really start having clear goals lined up because I have no idea what to do now. I see my car parked in front of me with small amounts of ice and sleet accumulated on it. The Dodge Journey looks more like a Charger now, but I ignore this as dream inconsistencies. I recall the mirror TOTM and try to make one of the windows a mirror. I say some nonsense incantation and wave my arms, but nothing happens. I see some sort of white sheet in the back seat and think it would be fun to use that as a focal point as I phase through the glass feet first. I jump in smoothly, but when I look up from the sheets, I feel vertigo and the dream blacks out. I stabilize by feeling the sides of the fronts seats with both hands. It's a sensation like wet hands on leather. There's a low squeaking sound to accommodate. I almost catch a vision of the seats, but it quickly morphs into my laptop keyboard. I go with the flow and start typing. I look up at the screen and see "www.microsoft.com.comcomcomcom" in the browser's nav bar. I hit enter and a cheesy fireplace screensaver pops up. Then the flame engulfs the entire screen and I laugh at the irony, "Hahahaha! That's really funny." I have a tendency to really dislike Microsoft products though I am usually forced to use them. This totally goes with the theme of this dream. The dream quickly fades and I wake up.

Blimp NLD - Time?

I am riding in the car with my mother down a highway that cuts thought a dense forested area. A large whale shaped blimp lands in the road ahead of us. I take a snapchat and fire shoots out the back of it and it flies away. I want to redo the snapchat because I didn't get a good shot. We pass under and I take a video out the back window. I am laughing at the crazy blimp, but my laughter turns to cries of dismay as the blimp explodes. I am sad at the lives lost. I am amazed that I got that on video, but my snapchat only plays back a selfie video of my reaction and not of the blimp.

#412 - DILD - 6:35AM

I am walking up a hill with my younger daughter and son. For some reason I am going to some apartments to take a swim. I tell myself that if I am going to live here, I need to figure out how to park on the other side so I don't have to walk so far all the time. Some triggers semi-lucidity and the walk up the hill feels hard and slow. I realize that this is all a mental thing and tell myself to just pretend that it's all super easy and it will be. It works for a second and gets difficult again at the last few steps.

I am inside the apartment but it all looks really odd. I feel this is normal for a dream so I let it go and try to ignore it. I have my son in my arms and for some reason think I need to put him down for a nap. There is a door way that I think leads to his bedroom, but when I open it, it is just a broom closet. I know this is all pointless so I unceremoniously toss my son into the darkest part of the closet and walk way. I feel a mental tug to do it right, but I don't want to get caught up in mundane tasks in a dream. I am still really caught up in going swimming so I try to find the back door. As I make my way outside, I pass though some tiny kitchen that I recognize to look like a small version of the duplex I used to live in.

Outside, my lucidity raises as I look around for a pool. I see an above ground pool to the right, but quickly reject that. I look to the left and see my younger daughter jumping into a large in-ground pool. Excited, I run and jump and yell, "JEEEERRRONIMOOOOO!", as I belly flop into the pool. As I make impact I worry that my vision will get distorted and I end up in the void. Of course, this thought manifests as I see a blur of blue and air bubbles and the dream fades.

The lights come on and I wake up with my son in the bed with me and my wife. He's crying and some liquid has pooled up all over the sheets. Not sure if he peed out of his diaper, I ask, "Why is everything so wet?"
My wife just says, "He's been crying." I realize that there is no way a kid can tear up that much and remember that I was just now dreaming that I was swimming. The lights do out and I roll over and make swimming motions in the dark until I reach my wife. I start kissing her and decide maybe some sexy-time would be nice. The light returns and my wife stops me. She asks, "Right now? [in front of R?]
I tell her that it doesn't matter [in a dream]. We continue to enjoy each other, but I wake up before we get very far.

#408- DEILD - 4:45AM

Quick WBTB. Galantamine and DMAE.

I wake slightly and enter vibration and have my usual SP time. I can't get anywhere so I decide to just enjoy the moment. I relax and begin to feel myself float then, slip off the bed. I watch as a fall deep into a void in the floor. I can see my bedside getting smaller and smaller. I fall fast for a long time. I wonder if I will pop out on the other side of the earth. At that thought, I feel gravity shift and I start to fall up. This doesn't last long and I land back in bed. I relax and focus while remaining thoughtless.

I am now walking in the living room. I am glad the dream has started and make my way outside. My son is in the room and presses against me to be picked up. I decide it would be fun to take him along with me. He feels cumbersome to carry so I just imagine that he is somehow attached to me and continue on without worrying too much about actually carrying him.

It's rainy outside and looks like early dawn. I walk into the street and remember that I was going to go for the Pegasus TOTY. I call out for Pegasus and look around expectantly. Nothing shows up so I turn around to think about something else. I see my son has been trailing behind me and I get an idea. I say, "R, be Pegasus." as I hop on his back. He's on all fours but nothing is happening. I feel bad at this sight, so I stand up and take a less rushed approach. I say, "R, turn now into Pegasus." I watch as he quickly morphs into only the front half of a white stallion. He's just a horse head with front legs. This is a horrible sight and look away for a quick second. This was a bad idea because when I turn back to look, he has vanished. I spin around trying to see if he walked around me, but he is nowhere to be found. I quietly whisper, "Shit." I decide to forget about it the whole thing as I look at the colorful dawn in on the horizon just above the trees. I decide to fly without much thought and I zoom toward the sunrise at an amazing speed. I can hear the wind rushing in my ears as the dream collapses

I am back in SP and vibrations. This time the sound of it so strange and creepy. It' like demonic children shrieking in either anger or agony. Before fear can get the best of me I decide to let it go and not focus on SP or vibes or anything else. I remind myself that SP is not the goal and I quickly fall into mediation for a moment. My awareness doesn't fade but I feel my body come back into the waking world. I feel like I could go back in, but I decide I should try to DJ before I fall into non lucid sleep.

#407 - DILD? - 3:08AM (pre-WBTB)

I am in some public restroom. My wife(?), son, and someone I know is sitting at a table in one corner. At the urinals I see some young girls peeing. I wonder how this is possible and suppose they are using a shewee. Then, I realize that is highly improbable and I continue this continues to boggle my mind. I point and say, "What the fuck!?"
My son chimes in and replies, "...it's like a dick." I am even more surprised at my son's remark.

I am getting into bed with my wife and tell her about what my son said. I make some remark about how weird it is that I watched little girls peeing. I assure I wasn't trying to be a creeper; they just went in front of me. My son won't stay in bed and is running around and keeps pull out stuff to play with. Something about a movie that came with a bullet. He wants to shoot it but I tell him it's late and I really need to sleep (I want to have my G night).

I have a FA and I find myself in a house with three wild hyenas. I try to stay on top of counters and furniture but they jump up at me and scratch with cat claws. I notice that as the jump and scratch they seem to momentarily transform into Raccoon dogs. There is some pain, but it doesn't feel unbearable. I continue to try to avoid the hyenas, but they seem to be learning and adapting to my strategy. I have a high amount of fear as I fight them off with fists. At one point I watch one hyena on the ground as it seems to be studying me. Then I realize it's watching something behind me. I know I am about to get pounced from behind, but I can't make myself move.

Something strange happens here. Maybe it's a dream transition or a very slight awakening, but everything collapses and I wonder why I didn't just fly away or phase out of a window in the dream. As I am thinking this is see a garage door open and I rush outside into the night. I worry that the hyenas got out too but I try not to think about it. I see a parked car and I jump on top of the roof. "Try to get me now, bitches!", I shout at things that were after me. I begin to wonder why I am having such a terrible nightmare. I usually don't get nightmares, but tend to enjoy a little fright. As I think this, the dream fades to darkness. At this, I regain lucidity and focus on vision to bring it back.

I see a white boxy type of car parked in the driveway now. It has some sort of metallic purple window tinting and I find it interesting. I still feel a need to escape so I attempt to get inside. I notice there are no doors so I instinctively lift the small cabin up and off like a shoe box. I look inside the top but can't see out the purple windshield. I will this to happen and the purple dissolves to show a view at the ground. I lose interest in this this vehicle quickly as everything seems to be really crappy and fake now.

I spot a better looking car next to me; a red sporty coupe. As I move to the car I worry about the hyenas again. I tell myself not to think about it and the fear subsides, but my actions are still rushed. For some reason both doors want to stay open and the worry increases. I look out and see a bear with a hyena looking at me from down the road. I quickly get the doors closed and start to back out. I stop when I hear a terrible sound. They white, boxy car is now a small red truck. It's lurching backward and quickly halting as the tires are locked up. For some reason, I feel the need to take care of this and hop out of the car to the truck. The hyena fear returns and this time I really force it out of my mind as I remind myself that I control this dream. The truck stopped doing whatever it was doing and I suddenly become really curious what the engine would look like. I lift up the hood and notice how clean, new and high tech it looks. I begin guessing at various components naming them off. I am particularly interested in what I think might be the nitrous oxide containment. I get bored with this after a moment and begin to try to recall my goal for the night. It's on the tip of my brain, but the more I think about it, the more I wake up. The dream fades and I see some guy say something about waking up then a sheet of ice forms over my vision. I hear a loud cracking sound as I wake up.

#394 - DILD - 5:55AM

I am walking in the street with someone. We watch a strange looking UFO fly down and hover over someone. Then, in a flash of light, they disappear. I say to the person how amazing this is. I just can't believe I witnessed a UFO abduction right in the middle of downtown. I notice how everything turned from night to daytime really quickly and I feel like I am missing something important. My thought is interrupted by someone ushering me into a building. [Something] happens inside and then we are ushered out. When I turn around, the building dissolves into my old house; the first one I bought with my ex-wife. Someone tells me everything (the UFO abduction and building) was just holograms an illusions. I laugh that I got punked so hard and watch the next person get it. Things happen differently this time and the 'abductee' walks down the street toward the building. I follow closely behind the hologram and laugh with my 'friend' as I watch my hand pass into it. It's like a ghost but the more I play with it the more solid it becomes. I think maybe the hologram passed over an actual person. I only recall random and fleeting images next (sexy time with wife?), but I somehow end up in that old house talking to my wife.

I wonder why we decided to buy this house. I really don't want to live here after-all. Then I quickly recall that I have had this exact dream before. As I nose plug, my wife is telling me something. I am not listing because I am trying to make sense of why I feel like I am slightly blowing through. Am I really dreaming? I do several more nose plugs, but the last one is more deliberate and I blow cleanly through. I am dreaming! I don't want to be here at all so I immediately leave my wife and head out the back door. As I cross the yard, I feel guilty for just running off. I wonder if there is something important there that I should resolve. I pull myself over a privacy fence and, for fun, climb a tree. I see my old neighbors house and try peaking in the window. I wonder if they would recognize me if they saw me. Ridiculous. I ponder the house issue while up there. I admit that I did enjoy some memories living in that house and I do miss it in a way. I decide to climb down and resolve this. There is a long winding limb the leads down to the trunk of the tree and I enjoy extra upper arm strength as I move along it like a monkey. I jump down and float toward the street in the front. Someone is growing beans along the road and I have to step over them. I find this curious, but decide to ignore it.

I get down the street and see the house. It now looks like every window has been removed. I can see bare 2X4s and insulation around the edges. I feel like there is some meaning here, but I can't imagine what it is. I enter the house, determined to play this dream out. I act like I am considering buying this house a second time. I begin looking things over, forgetting about the windows already. I notice the laminate wood flooring is still there and looks really nice. I move down the hall and see my wife and son. I pass them and enter the front bathroom. In waking life, I installed ceramic tile over concrete slab, but here there is several layers of linoleum over plywood. I can see a lot of water damage around the bathtub as I peel the edges back. In fact, the wood feels soft and moist even now. My son gets in the way of what I am doing and I have to move him out of the way. I stop and ponder things now. I decide this house really isn't so great after-all and the emotions I get from it feel resolved. It's time to let this place go. Feeling like I accomplished something, I get up and head outside while my wife and son follow behind. I feel like I have been dreaming a really long time now, and consider waking myself up so I won't forget things. I really think I could wake up at will, but it's been a long time since I have had a nice long lucid so I decide to leave it alone for now.

I see our Nissan down the street and tell my wife that I will race her. I hope she agrees because I know that I am still dreaming and I will impress her with my ability to teleport. She nods and I let it happen. There is a surging streak of light and color and I find myself sitting in the car. Unfortunately, it's not a complete teleport because, I can see two realities. Yes, I am sitting in the car but I can also see the place that I was standing layered over. I look over at my wife standing next to me and this brings me completely back to start. I stand up, feeling a little embarrassed. As we resume walking to the car, I tell her how I almost teleported and ask her what it all that looked like to her.
She just says, "It looked really weird."
I nod and say, "I bet it did. I was really there for a second."

Now, at the car, I get caught up with trying to manually put my son in his car seat. None of the straps and buckles are working right and I spend a lot of time fumbling with things. My wife is trying to help me, but it's just not working right. The dream destabilizes and I decide it's fine to go ahead and wake up now.

I have been focusing on MILD

Fragments. Once I woke up thinking I had been lucid but had no recall. The second time I hear someone that I thought of as Wurlman say the words, "lucid dreaming" I woke with start. I can't remember any other details.


#1 There was a party with a bunch of teens. Something about it ending but the guys wanted to go longer. We though of ways to keep it going but someone drank the last beer. They said "Last of the alcohol" and threw the bottle in the fireplace.

I saw my wife who wasn't my wife just a girl I liked. I wanted to makes sue she didn't go home with some jerk so I offered to give her a ride.

#2 I am on some train ride roller coaster thing in some tunnels. I remember the old dream from a few days ago and am confused why we went a different route. The train soon dissolves and I am walking in some strange maze like building. I think of mini golf. There's something about a window unit.

I find myself standing outside the window unit. I make an adjustment and turn around. There are two guy that look really thugish. They also look like my wife's sisters husband but they have long hair and red bandannas. They look Mexican but also may like Native Americans. I think they must be his brothers. They have the same eyes. There's a third guy and we all talk about something.

# 3 I am playing some game at work with a bunch of people sitting at a table. My wife is one of them. I roll dice and take as many steps. I continue until I get to the smoker shack that now looks like a brick building from downtown with several stories. I go back to the table and realize I left my son in the building. I worry how long it has been. I run back thinking about how many times I must have rolled dice to get there. I worry that I skipped everyones turn. I find my son in some room buried in cloth. I feel him and pull him out and cuddle him. My wife is with me and I feel really bad. Some young woman drives up in car (I guess I am outside now?) and tries telling me something but Ignore her. I look at my son and he is a newborn again. The woman coos at him.

#179 - 5:38AM - DILD - 2 of 3

On this one my memory is a little vague. I became lucid but only for a few moments. I've forgotten much of the detail so I'll be brief.

I am watching my wife give birth to my son for the second time. But this time she is in the bedroom on the bed and there is a midwife. She has the baby crowning the she suddenly flips over with her butt in the air. I see him pull an arm out and wave at me. This so ridiculous that I become lucid but only on a low level. I didn't decide to change anything or leave. I just stood there watching my son being born. After he was born I got a good look at him and noticed this face was completely purple. I didn't freak out as I knew none of this was real. My wife says to me, "Well, are you going to hold your son?"
I reply, "Yeah later after I wake up."
Then I wake up.