Xanous' Dream Journal

#433 - DILD - 5:18AM

I am traveling with a group of people. An old pastor from a very long time ago was leading us. He kept saying something about getting to Atlantic City. My wife's cousin is talking about winning a lot of cash at the casino and wanted to go his own way and meet up with us later. I interrupt, "Atlantic City? Is that in Georgia?" The pastor said it's actually in another galaxy. I get excited about this idea.

The next thing I recall is I need to change my clothes. My wife is in the room with me and as I grab a pair of jeans she tells me this is all a dream. I pause feeling unsure about it, but noticing how wavy and blurry my jeans look. She goes on, "Yeah. You should totally try changing your clothes in a dream. It would make a cool task." I look up and see myself in a mirror on a dresser and my face is highly distorted. Ok I believe her. Wow, that really cool my wife told I was dreaming! I decide I may as well try her lucid task suggestion and slowly and meticulously put my jeans on. I think about cheating with dream control, but I really want to get this. I pull my shirt off and put on a new one with some difficulty but manage to get it done.

I follow my wife around checking out the dream environment and talking to people for what feel like a very long time. However, nothing super interesting happens here and I forget most of it.

I see my plant manager at some point and decide to show off some dream control to him. I tell him I can levitate, but he gives me an uncharacteristically animated look of disgust when I cant do it. I see some dice on a wire rack next to us. I say, "OK then watch me juggle." I get the same look when my dice float of in various directions not matching my hand movements. I try again, "OK FINE. TK!" There are some boxes of cereal now in the wire rack. With great effort I get them to fall over. Just then, I hear a loud siren and my wife yelling at me, "It's time to go!" Startled and without thinking, I turn around and run toward her.

We are outside now with other people, my wife is standing to my right. I am told we are about to board the space ship, but as I look at the sky I see a very bright and colorful sunset behind large fluffy clouds. I look at in it awe and the clouds fade away reveling a wormhole. I see now that It's not a sunset at all but the light emanating from the anomaly itself. My wife is saying something about entering it to Atlantic City, but I don't pay her attention. I am way to transfixed by the beauty of the thing in the sky. I ask myself why I don't just fly in there right now as I begin to levitate. I put my hands in front of me expecting to fly, but I can't move. Instead I focus on being close and I teleport to the wormhole up close. I sort of get the image of look at a digital picture up close and can almost see pixelation. I ignore this and fall in head first.

I drift silently in a void and hope that I'm not actually waking up. I feel myself weightless and slowly flipping end over end in a fetal position. I enjoy the feeling and stay frosty like it's just another OBE episode. I keep thinking of when Cooper entered the black-hole in Interstellar, hoping for a similar experience. I really hadn't thought of a destination and now I just rely on my subC to bring me out anyplace I can. I get a brief visual of some man looking down. I don't notice now, but later I'll realize it was Cooper himself. The visual returns in flashes alternating to dark void. I focus on seeing intensely and quickly find myself laying on a floor next to a crying baby. Cooper is there tending to another identical baby. I just want the baby to quiet down so I can think and find a bottle. The baby doesn't want the bottle at first so I try it myself. The milk tastes good. My father instincts kick in and I cuddle the baby close to me and try the bottle once more. The baby seems content now. I wake up.

#429 - DILD - 2:22AM

I had another really bad night with restless legs and I was up and down a lot so I didn't do an actually WBTB, but I did manage to meditate with binaural beats for an unknown amount of time. I eventually got uncomfortable and rolled over to sleep with LD and goals in mind (though I didn't even think about goals afterward) and had this lucid dream.

I thought I was the 11th Doctor and I was playing some sort of video game. Something about some friendly blobulous aliens. Something about putting my ID card into a reader and going up escalator then I use the card to enter an elevator. I somehow get to a low level of lucidity when I enter and I decide I just want to get outside. I push the number 8 in the elevator though I meant to push the button marked '1G'. I quickly push the intended button, but it's too late and I'll have to wait for it to cycle. The elevator goes up a second and the doors open to another set of doors marked '11'. I decide I wasn't meant to go there anyway, so I wait for the elevator to head back down. Suddenly, I feel a huge amount of G-force as I drop too quickly. I clench and hold on to the rail. I see a poster on one wall that looks like a silhouette of the Doctor and the TARDIS. It reads: "The Doctor Tower Experience" I think it's really ironic since I am the Doctor.

The elevator stops and I am crumpled to the floor. I slowly get up and step out the open doors only to find myself on the floor again. I think how odd it is, but still recognize this is a dream. I see my phone in my left hand and notice the screen rotation button. I decide this is much like that and I focus on being up right and walking and suddenly I am driving a car.The dream blacks out and I find myself on the floor of the elevator again. This time I focus on the screen rotation idea a little more clearly and I watch as gravity shifts. There is a split second of blackness and I find myself in an apartment with yellow walls.

This now triggers a much higher level of lucidity and I find my consistent teleportation exhilarating. I still would like to get outside. I don't remember my jogging exactly, but I feel like I need to get outside for some reason. (Why didn't I try to teleport again? DUH!) I see empty counter space and I turn around to see a the front door. I step out into a very small hallway. To the left are stairs leading down into darkness and I decide to avoid that. The hallway goes straight for a few steps then takes a right. I follow it but as I round the corner the hallway morphs and closes off. The walls change color from yellow to brown. I decide I was meant to face the dark so I go back and head down stairs. I am really worried that I'll get lost in the void, but as I descend the stair well lightens. I have some weird feeling in my eyes like I am straining to keep them open. I worry this means I am waking up and sure enough I do.

Or so I thought. I make DJ notes and say something about how I was playing a game called Hero's Call beta. I pause wondering if that was right when I actually do wake up.

#394 - DILD - 5:55AM

I am walking in the street with someone. We watch a strange looking UFO fly down and hover over someone. Then, in a flash of light, they disappear. I say to the person how amazing this is. I just can't believe I witnessed a UFO abduction right in the middle of downtown. I notice how everything turned from night to daytime really quickly and I feel like I am missing something important. My thought is interrupted by someone ushering me into a building. [Something] happens inside and then we are ushered out. When I turn around, the building dissolves into my old house; the first one I bought with my ex-wife. Someone tells me everything (the UFO abduction and building) was just holograms an illusions. I laugh that I got punked so hard and watch the next person get it. Things happen differently this time and the 'abductee' walks down the street toward the building. I follow closely behind the hologram and laugh with my 'friend' as I watch my hand pass into it. It's like a ghost but the more I play with it the more solid it becomes. I think maybe the hologram passed over an actual person. I only recall random and fleeting images next (sexy time with wife?), but I somehow end up in that old house talking to my wife.

I wonder why we decided to buy this house. I really don't want to live here after-all. Then I quickly recall that I have had this exact dream before. As I nose plug, my wife is telling me something. I am not listing because I am trying to make sense of why I feel like I am slightly blowing through. Am I really dreaming? I do several more nose plugs, but the last one is more deliberate and I blow cleanly through. I am dreaming! I don't want to be here at all so I immediately leave my wife and head out the back door. As I cross the yard, I feel guilty for just running off. I wonder if there is something important there that I should resolve. I pull myself over a privacy fence and, for fun, climb a tree. I see my old neighbors house and try peaking in the window. I wonder if they would recognize me if they saw me. Ridiculous. I ponder the house issue while up there. I admit that I did enjoy some memories living in that house and I do miss it in a way. I decide to climb down and resolve this. There is a long winding limb the leads down to the trunk of the tree and I enjoy extra upper arm strength as I move along it like a monkey. I jump down and float toward the street in the front. Someone is growing beans along the road and I have to step over them. I find this curious, but decide to ignore it.

I get down the street and see the house. It now looks like every window has been removed. I can see bare 2X4s and insulation around the edges. I feel like there is some meaning here, but I can't imagine what it is. I enter the house, determined to play this dream out. I act like I am considering buying this house a second time. I begin looking things over, forgetting about the windows already. I notice the laminate wood flooring is still there and looks really nice. I move down the hall and see my wife and son. I pass them and enter the front bathroom. In waking life, I installed ceramic tile over concrete slab, but here there is several layers of linoleum over plywood. I can see a lot of water damage around the bathtub as I peel the edges back. In fact, the wood feels soft and moist even now. My son gets in the way of what I am doing and I have to move him out of the way. I stop and ponder things now. I decide this house really isn't so great after-all and the emotions I get from it feel resolved. It's time to let this place go. Feeling like I accomplished something, I get up and head outside while my wife and son follow behind. I feel like I have been dreaming a really long time now, and consider waking myself up so I won't forget things. I really think I could wake up at will, but it's been a long time since I have had a nice long lucid so I decide to leave it alone for now.

I see our Nissan down the street and tell my wife that I will race her. I hope she agrees because I know that I am still dreaming and I will impress her with my ability to teleport. She nods and I let it happen. There is a surging streak of light and color and I find myself sitting in the car. Unfortunately, it's not a complete teleport because, I can see two realities. Yes, I am sitting in the car but I can also see the place that I was standing layered over. I look over at my wife standing next to me and this brings me completely back to start. I stand up, feeling a little embarrassed. As we resume walking to the car, I tell her how I almost teleported and ask her what it all that looked like to her.
She just says, "It looked really weird."
I nod and say, "I bet it did. I was really there for a second."

Now, at the car, I get caught up with trying to manually put my son in his car seat. None of the straps and buckles are working right and I spend a lot of time fumbling with things. My wife is trying to help me, but it's just not working right. The dream destabilizes and I decide it's fine to go ahead and wake up now.

#284 - SSILD - 4:45ish?

I had a natural WBTB way early at around 12:44AM but went ahead and took my Amino Acid Blend. I intended to SSILD but passed out too hard, too fast.

I have several vivid NLDs but only remember one where I was still married to my wife but was also dating an ex girlfriend. Apparently, they were both fine with it all and I felt strong love and affection for both of them simultaneously.

When I woke from that I berate myself and managed some proper SSILD cycles

I am on a beach with my wife and kids that I think of being some part of Charleston, SC. I swim into the water with my older daughter and quickly notice that this part of the ocean is bathtub warm and very brown. Disgusting.For some reason I start taking video of my daughter with my phone in the water. There's some vertigo and I feel like I may drown.

After a lot of struggle I manage to get back on shore. I spot an area where the water is clear and blue with white sand and palm trees. We decide that's a better spot and swim out into it. I see some smaller kids playing on some structure in shallow water. My son is among them and he is smiling at me. I tell him 'Hi' as I pass by. I come to a rock formation and climb up it. After closer inspection, I notice all of this is a man made pool that looks like beach and ocean. I look around and think maybe we are in some part of inland bay area. I pull my phone out to check the GPS. Google Maps confirms my suspicion and I use a type of Street View function to teleport to a road that leads to the actual beach.

As we walk, I notice the streets are full of water. I question how there can be any flooding and look up at the sky. There are very dark storm clouds coming inland. As I look out toward the sea, I see a terrible storm approaching with many tornadoes on the water. I shout, "Hurricane!" at my daughters and try to get them to run with me. My younger daughter is too scared and hides in a rack of clothing like in a department store.

I think it was the tornadoes or maybe the clothes rack on the sidewalk, but I realize this must be a dream. I still feel the need to get everyone out of the area but I feel like I can't move and my daughter still won't cooperate. I hear a woman's voice over an intercom saying some warning about the Hurricane. I feel a need to escape and have a moment where the dream fades to black. I calm myself and focus on the dream to avoid the void.

I look at Google Maps again and see several red dots that I think must represent my wife and whoever else I came with. They seem to be back where I was earlier and I remember that I teleported.If I teleported here I can teleport someplace else. I still feel the need to bring everyone with me but decide I should just let them go. I have to remind myself its just a dream.

I play with Google Maps some more and zoom out and rotate. I see the area and note the general shape of the coast line to compare it with the actual waking map. I see lettering marking the names of areas but it's all in some strange form of Spanish that I cannot even try to remember (Probably just gibberish). I zoom out some more and notice the area I am on is separated by a something like a river. I find this a little confusing but let it go.

I zoom way out and let my mind wander. I find something like a small isolated continent divided into two countries. I zoom on the right side and see it's labeled Somalia. I zoom on the left side and it's labeled Burma. I decide Burma might be nice even-though I know this map is all wrong.

I am not sure on the mechanics of this mode of teleportaton so I don't try. I just focus on seeing landscapes and let my mind bring what it wants. I see some empty beach, then something like an arid, yellowish, crag with steam shooting out. It makes me think of kind of sulfuric fumarole. I don't want any part of that so I continue searching but I lose lucidity.

I find myself sitting on a cushion at a low table with three Arabic men. There is a meal before us and we begin eating while engaging in conversion. I dish myself something that looks like the end of a very large octopus tentacle. It's cooked and split partially in half like the bread at Subway. There is some red meat inside that looks like beef and I put some sort of sauce on it. As I eat I vividly notice the texture and not so much the taste; it's something like tough marshmallows. I soon wake up.

By the way, I was really close with my view of the coast line. It's not quite Charelston but it's really close. I've never been here nor do I recall ever looking it up.

Also, it's interesting that I have thought of using a method of teleporting before but never tried it. Though, the dream set me up for it this time, I think it is something I could perfect... hopefully.

#276 - WILD - 4:42AM

I was from several non lucid dreams feeling frustrated that I failed to WILD. Finally this time I have an actual WILD.

I feel wakeful and it takes a while to get relaxed. At first I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere but I get some strange idea to focus my attention to the top and right several inches away from my head. When I do that the vibrations start right away. (Maybe there is something to this energy thing?) I feel my self quickly float up to the ceiling but before I phase through a hand presses down on my chest pushing me back to bed. I know this is my wife's evil astral twin. I am not afraid, nor pissed. I just try to ignore her. I relax and float up again but she pulls me back down. This time I see her arm. It looks gray and brown with claws for finger nails. Still I have no fear or anger. I ignore her as best I can. This time I will myself up but as I touch the ceiling, I open my physical eyes (I think) and I see that I am lying in bed. I blink, close then, try again, but have the same result. One of the time on the ceiling, I want to roll over to see myself and her but can't move. I try to spin in bed to roll out but feel stuck.

I feel like astral wife is messing with me so I decide to handle it the same way as before. For whatever reason I can roll her direction and I throw myself on her. I project positive feeling as we make out and she responds in delightful ways. I decide that I don't want this to turn into a sex dream so I stop. I conclude that this dream has probably got stable enough and I visualize walking in the living room.

Suddenly we are there walking together holding hands. She pulls me close to kiss but I am anxious to get going. Plus, I am still a little leery of her. Not wanting to treat her badly, I try some nice way to get out of this. I say, "Hey, I have and idea. We should do it outside in the warm sunshine."
She seems excited and says, "Yeah! Let's go!"

I think about being outside and we teleport instantly to the front yard. I have no intentions of following through with this but I point to a spot in the neighbors front yard that is sunny. It seems like late summer and the grass is dry with some brown spots. As I am looking at the spot I have a false memory of having sex with the lady that used to live in this house. I tell myself this is not right and I wonder where this "memory" came from. I shake this disturbing though away and totally forget about Astral Wife.

I wonder into the back yard and come the back door of my house. I pause as I notice this house looks nothing like mine at all. I turn to the alley and see the front of a blue house that doesn't exist in waking life. Suddenly, I remember my goal to paint on a canvass. I think I should go in the house but feel like it would be a bad idea to try to change scenes again. I feel like I would just enter the void and now I have the thought, I probably would if I tried.

I decide to summon what I need on the spot. I notice there is an awning providing a nice shady spot where I am standing as I look around. I decide since I am setting up outside, I should paint what I see. I think the blue house would be fine. It looks like it's in a semi rural location. There is a bush in the front and clothes lines running along the side. I blind summon a canvass on an easel and set it in front of me. At that moment I wake up.

color code:
Gray = Comments
Black = Non-Lucid
Bold = non lucid dream cues
Italics = dream thoughts
Red = Lucid

I wake briefly and feel wakeful so I go for WILD. I have a lot of very heavy hypnagogia making it super easy.

#193 - 6:00AM - WILD - 2 of 2

I see a scene almost movie like. I am lucid but have no control. I am looking around behind the shed in my back yard. There is something hidden there or buried underneath that I don't want anyone to find. I want it to stop so it doesn't get discovered. I have great anxiety.

I turn around and see 5 from the movie 9 in a cage but its made of wicker and hay. I trust my hand through the weak wall of hay on the bottom half and pull him out

I turn around again and I am in my ex-in-laws drive way. I phase through the glass of the bay windows and see my ex's brother lying on a mattress. There is darkness but I wait it out until things clear up. I see him lying there at first in jeans then naked. I feel extreme hatred for him and bite his dick off. I feel something in my mouth but it feels like I am biting my bottom lip. There is no pain but the shock of what I just did wakes me a little. I promised myself I was going to treat DC's like waking life from now on.

I am standing at the kitchen sink rinsing out the coffee pot. Somehow I realize I just chugged the whole thing and was about to make another pot. I feel odd about this and tell myself I am dreaming. I feel like I am lying to myself but I go with it anyway.

I put grounds and water together in the pot and set it on the stove for a second with no fire. I tell myself that if this is a dream it will be perfect coffee without my trying. I pick up the coffee and put my hand in it. I looks normal and feels hot already. OK fine. I fully believe that I am dreaming now and gather my sense of self. I focus and try to think of goals. I realize that I am in my house so I go for the card. I wonder if that same idea applies even-though this is not an OBE. Still, I figure it will be fun to try.

When I get into the next room. I see darkness but totally ignore it and just visualize what I was going to do. I feel myself pull up to the top of the china cabinet. At the top I can see again. There is the card. I pick up up and at first it is the 9 of diamonds but the diamonds then morph to hearts. I jump down and walk back into the kitchen were there is more light. When I look at the card again it is half jack half king of clubs. I stare at it and laugh out loud and how funny this looks. I flip the card over and am a little shocked that is black and says Fallout on the back. (I totally forgot that I used the deck of Fallout New Vegas playing cards!) I also note that the card is thin like paper. I shrug the strangeness off and flip the card back over. It is now jack/queen of clubs. I stop. I turn to my daughter who has been looking over my shoulder. When the hell did that start? I say to her, "OK. I need to focus." I think, What is the card really? I set all my intent to really seeing the true card. When I look again it is the 7 of diamonds then the diamond turn to circles. 7 of diamonds. Good enough. I drop the card and in doing so the dream fades to black. No worries. Next dream please! (When I later looked at the card it was the 5 of diamonds. Close!)

I am back in bed and feel rather randy. Amy Pond from DW comes to mind. She instantly appears and I begin having sex with her.



After some time I begin to feel guilty and I try to imagine my wife. A blond version of her shows up and I finish with her. It was very detailed but, once again, I'll spare the reader and save myself some embarrassment.

Horrible segment I know but at least I tried to make it right!

After that, I have a false awakening but I am not at all fooled by it. I think about waking myself for real to record the dream but remember that I told myself I would do that again. I'll just have to trust that I'll remember all when I wake up. I get out of bed thinking must have messed myself. For some reason I am wearing jeans shorts. I find that odd since I haven't owned a pair since the 90's. I laugh a little at that.

Then, I notice something on my hands. It looks like some kind of thick clear goo like egg white. OMG that's so gross! I rush to the bathroom and begin to wash my hands in the sink. I note how real it all feels. I think I should probably just ignore it until it goes away but I become distracted by my reflection in the mirror. I sing a little tune while studying my reflection. "I'm lucid, I'm lucid, I'm so lucid..."

Now I really do forget about washing as my reflection morphs into many different versions of me. Most of them look dark and creepy. Some are zombie like and some are just plain evil. I don't worry about it and find it all very amusing. At some point I think to morph in to a Blutbad or werewolf. I naturally shift into it like I have before but this time I have the pleasure of closely watching it all happen up close in the mirror. I let out a low growl to help it all along. the low rumble coming from deep in my throat sounds and feels very convincing. I look down and see my hands are elongated, furry, with long sharp Wolverine claws. I relax and shift back to normal, then step back a little to get a clear view of my normal self. All the shifty morphing has stopped now and my reflection becomes clear and sharper than it had been. I look a little prettier than waking life and I say out loud, "Damn, I'm good looking!" Then for fun I go full werewolf and back again.

I decide to play a little more but this time I focus on my teeth. I open my mouth a little and try to give myself vampire fangs. My teeth look really dirty and brownish but ignore that. At first just the typical two canines slowly grow out and become sharp. I was feeling pleased with my abilities when suddenly all my teeth grow out long and sharp. At that, I decide that I've had enough and become interested with the mirror itself.

My teeth looked like Prisoner Zero from DW:


I tentatively push on the mirror with one finger. Again it feels as solid as stone. I push a little harder with my full palm but it doesn't change. I remember to focus on there being no glass. I try to reach behind my reflection but instead of just my arm going in, I fall in head first. The reflection becomes another room with it's own dept and realism. I feel a stuck at the waist for a moment and I feel the barely contained panic expression on my face. Almost like embarrassment. I force myself to relax and wiggle through. There's a split second of darkness starting to settle in as I fall through and become a little disoriented. Again I just ignored the darkness and it goes away.

I stand up and look around. The bathroom reminds me of a small restroom that was connected my class room when I was in Kindergarten so long ago. I hear a class bell and feel like I better get moving. There are two doors on both sides of the room. The right side feels like the way to go as I think the left must go back to my bedroom. I exit right.

Now I am in a large school that seems similar to my elementary school. I begin running down long hallways at high speed. The feeling reminds me of playing Skyrim so I try to make magic appear in my hands. I hold them up like on the game and visualize. I see some faint glow in both hands, the left is orange like fire and the right is blue like ice. I don't feel like it's getting there fast enough so I hold them more to my side vision as I focus on running. I pass many open class rooms full of desks and shelves of stuff. I don't really see any people. Now, there is a definite energy ball forming in both hands. I begin to ready myself for some real magic but I suddenly wake up without warning.