I really appreciate your honesty & openness. Hoping some of what I have written below would be helpful. (I unintentially created 2 accounts on DV. Snoopy will probably be closed by admin soon. "Firewater" is the other account which I will probably use in the future..)
In the dream, there's this basement (Part of the house not normally visible from the outside. Even inside it's not used so much unless it's furnished. Could symbolise your subconscious) with what I can only describe as a growing "monster" (Unless we believe in yettis, Loch Ness monsters etc, they are normally imaginary. Something we create with our mind. Often associated with fear. ) ...it seemed to be living (Living things have the potential to impact other living things.). It was almost like sewage (what is left after nutrition, goodness is removed.), a plant, mold, (mould is a neusance) etc. but also like an animal (Animals can symbolise motivations or characteristics within us.). It was green (In this case probably symbolising something unhealthy), not good to be around (association) or touch (contact), and it kept expanding to take up more and more of the room I was locked (someting restricting your freedom) in.
I'm finally (suggests passing of time or effort) getting out of the room (It is possible for you to get our), and climbing up these stairs that wind in a perfect circle (Can symbolise completeness, wholeness), very neatly (Ordered in the right place). It's easy to go up (INteresting, normally going up takes effort.), and I'm going up them with everyone I know: my mom (immediately before you), my brother (along-side you), my grandparents (one is deceased. Your heritage) and friends (People who encourage you), people from childhood (your immediate past, what has formed you by your own experiance), and my old therapist (Interesting. Probably an indication of the extent of his/her influence on you). For a second (a moment), I think I'm going to be free (You know what freedom is), but this voice (like a god but not God) "finds out" (Normally people find out. A voice is something more impersonal. But we can create things with our words. The power of life & death is in the tongue.) I'm getting out and not supposed (Supposed by whose definition of right or wrong) to.
As soon as the voice finds out, an "elevator" (Levels in our life can symbolise growth milestones. Elevators move us there without our effort, mechanical & electrical. People took you up, a machine takes you down.) appears by passing up through the floor (Should be a barrier to lower levels.) (like a ghost would pass through a wall, {something lacking substance.). The voice asks me to step forward (normally a positive movement), and takes me back down to the locked room (). I have to leave everyone (It is isolating you). I want one more chance, but I think there's no use trying to escape, because for some reason, I'm not allowed.
I'm back in the basement (Perhaps a play on words- Abasement).
The monster has expanded (when you don't question, resist or fight it.) and it's like a poison, might kill me (Sap your motivation, positive outlook) now that it's touched me (Contact). There's no avoiding it, because it's spread so much. (Notice how negative your outlook is here. Hope would be helpful.)
Then suddenly, when I think there's no chance, my old therapist (one who got me to open up about abuse in real life; I don't see her anymore, but she really "saved" me) {Something outside yourself, professional, trained help.}appears in the locked basement (Walls & locks do not restrict her.). There was this door that I knew about all along (Hope, a way out), but I didn't even consider trying to get out through it, because it was locked (Escape possibility is there but not usable). She takes out a key (Something small that opens bigger things, normally specific for the door) and open it with ease (Significant ffort not required) and we go up (Positive direction again. This time via another way). I'm afraid (Note the fear which monsters also give us) I'll be sent back down again, but this time, when the voice appears, I'm willing to do anything (More motivation. ) to stay with my loved ones (Love perhaps is another key.), so I eat this bread (Provides sustenance. What the mould, sewerage cannot give you.) that's handed (Personal) to me (Not something you made or worked for. A gift.) even though I don't want it (*** Against your will or desires or preference? ****). I'm afraid (fear again. Why?) to have it and it tastes bad (Message from tongue {Used in speaking. Think of the voice above.} mouth to brain), and I know (Is this true? How much was given you?) it's going to make my body bigger (Thinking of possible negative affect, what about nourishment?) ...but once I eat it and keep it down (Normal healthy process) even though I don't even think that will work (Your rationale, logic), the voice backs down (You are now reducing, resisting what is keeping you priosioner.).
A person behind the voice appears (I assume this is another person separate from the voice & not the person speaking the voice?), and she tells me to keep doing it (eating the bread) or I'll die. I chase her because I want to ask if I have to (Seeing it as though you are being forced to, like the the voice was forcing you to go back to the basement.), but she won't give me a straight "yes." (Maybe because the choice is yours) I feel like I need her to, or I'll never be able to keep doing it right (Could you elaborate on this a little more? Is this like asking if we are breathing right? Maybe it's just something we do, no right way or wrong way.).
In real life, I struggle with an eating disorder...I was hospitalized for it after my dad died (Sorry to hear that. My wife passed away a couple of years ago. I just realised you didn't mention him as one of those with you when going up the steps in the dream. There's something of him in you, just as the others who walked up the steps with you. Perhaps imagining him with you in that context may be helpful) but I've still accomplished things (Well done), like completing a BFA degree at a reputable college, after the hospital, so I'm on track with life, just still feel like I'm battling this "monster." This dream felt like it must symbolize so much. If you have any thoughts or questions I could ask myself about different things in the dream, or any ideas, that would be appreciated. It was one of those vivid dreams that stick with you throughout the day.
Perhaps re-living the last part of the dream, imagining yourself going going out the door, eating the bread may be helpful(?)
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