Now and then I have dreams that are degrading to the point where I wake up and almost cry. I'll explain the one I had last night to the best I can recall. I woke up with tears in my eyes, almost vomiting. I'd like to stress that this is not a hoax of any kind. I'm at my last tether and need some sort of explanation before I explode.
I was at my parents house and only my Mother was in, and she was chasing me...crazed but laughing and screaming. Trying to do innapropriate things to me. I got my keys and eventually found the front door key (which was locked...I have a lot of keys on my keyring). I then got into my car with the key, only for her to appear at the front door, smiling with the spare key...I locked both doors of the car but the passenger side never shut properly. The window on the passenger side was open a lot, and I had to wind it shut before she got there. She pulled the passenger door open (the car was recently broken in too, so the doors are now very weak, but obviously not this weak) but could not get completely in. I started the car and drove off, with her hanging on outside of it, holding onto the now open door. To get her off I tried to hit other cars with her, only for her to laugh hysterically and horribly, and saying "Hahaha, I'm going to die now". I got down to the bottom of my street, and two policeman were walking and talking and smilling...oblivious to what was happening, as was everyone else. I then got stuck behind some busses and slowed down, which meant she managed to jump into the car and carry on trying to do horrible things.
The next bit I remember of the dream is that I was driving a large white van (which I recently did around europe), with her in the back and unable to reach me. With this in mind, I stopped within a railway tunnel, behind an old train (the type homeless people get rides in?) and tortured her by attempting to break her neck and mutilate her body with a knive. During all this, she continued to laugh and hackle horribly, until I slit her throat with our kitchen knife and she died. It then continued with me covering the knife up with a blanket, hiding it, and then doing the same to her, before I mutilated her and did other things I can't even write to 'get back at her'.
This point is hazey, but is the best I can remember - At this point two policeman (can't remember much except they were American (I'm English and this dream was in England) and one was black. Came to me and knew what I'd done, and I gave up and confessed...tired and distressed. Two other women were their, whom I never recognised. One of them was of a slim build and young with blonde hair and would be considered attractive. The other I can't remember. The policeman began arresting me, and I pointed out that I'm happy to turn myself in but we were inside a working railway tunnel and would have to leave it before anything ran us over. They agreed, and we began walking round a corner.
Then I woke up. Utterly horrified and feeling like a pervert who should be sectioned. I occasionally have dreams that are similar to this, but they are no where near as in detail or horrible. Through the entire dream I felt terror, hopelessness(sic) and ultimately, hate. When the police picked me up, I remember being melancholy and accepting.
I'd like to stress that I have a very "normal" life. I'm 19 next month, got very good A Level results this month and going to University next year. In the meantime I've gotten a good job at a factory that pays well. My family are all very loving and nothing - NOTHING unforseen has ever happened to me like this in real life in any way. I'm relatively popular with people my age group, have a large circle of friends whom I often socialise with and until late last year had a very strong, serious and loving relationship with someone for two years. These dreams have stopped me being able to look myself in the mirror. I feel utter dread and I'm terrorfied that I'm losing my mind. But normally I'm a very rational science person, and so through myself down on here for someone to decypher my nightmares and tell me that I'm not going to go insane and don't want to do the things I do in these dreams so willingly. The only thing I can link the mutilation too is that I've lately been watching Dexter on television, as this part of the nightmares has only just come into play. Although the more horrible parts of the dreams have never had a reason in real life to come up. Help me, please.
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