Is that your own in the sig? |
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I've got quite a few bits and pieces of verse written down here and there, and I'd just finished another so I thought I'd share. |
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Is that your own in the sig? |
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[ Edit: Slightly bizarre. Yes it is, Xox. ] |
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Island Girl is amazing. Keep posting! I love your diction. |
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Wow, those are really good! So nice to read. |
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I've been meaning to write more for ages... I finally overcame my lethargy an hour or so ago. I've had the idea for this one for a while, though I didn't think to make a poem of it. It was supposed to be longer when I started and I may add to it, but I actually quite like it as it is. Any feedback is treasured as always; please do say if I'm being too obscure, it's extremely hard to tell from my perspective. I have another in the works which should be much longer, but it's proving hard to get going. |
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Work in progress. I guess it will be the first or last verse of my poem on that theme. Criticism and further ideas welcome: |
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Your poetry isn't too obscure, it has a coherent flow and is quite pleasant to read. I'm not sure what kind of criticism you were expecting but poetry is a tad difficult to critique. Id say read it out loud and if it doesn't sound right make appropriate revisions. |
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Those are really good. My favorite is "Island Girl" (btw you should put double quotes around short poems not underline them) I only have a 8th-9th grade level understanding of poetry though, so I couldn't do much critiquing except to tell you that to me "The Glimmer" is a bit vague. |
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"For a long time it gave me nightmares, having to witness an injustice like that. It was a constant reminder of how unfair this world can be, I can still hear them taunting him. 'Silly Rabbit, Trix are for kids!'... How come they just couldn't give him some cereal?"
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