Thread: Stolen by Sleep

luminescence: a boy and a girl meet each other in their dreams one night, when the next day they meet in real life. the boy specifically remembers the girls eyes. after a while the two go out and fall in love, but one day the girl falls randomly into a coma. the boy, when falling asleep, tries to wake her up via the dream (they are able to meet up with each other in dreams like lucid dreaming except more fantasized), to get her out of her coma, and has to go through a bunch of trials and defeat fears of his and hers in each dream to get to her. all the pain he experiences in his dream is given to him in a one second jolt of immense pain when he wakes up.
luminescence: holy
luminescence: in the end, he gives up and stops dreaming for a week, when the doctors call him and tell him she will be dead by the next morning if she doesnt awaken. he falls asleep that night and all of a sudden goes megabeast mode, defeats his greatest fear and wakes her up from her coma

there is a small concept of a novel or attempted novel i'm making called "Stolen By Sleep." (iscribble btw)

sound okay? sorta a romance/action thing, i dont usually make romances but this one is based off of a lucid i had

so anyway, heres the first chapter so far, critique please

Spoiler for CHAPTER 1:

STOLEN BY SLEEP
Chapter 1: The First Dream
The thought of the night before crowded his mind. No matter what he tried, the vivid recollection of the dream simply would not exit his train of thought, and it filled all of the seats. Since the morning of that day, he had not been able to think correctly. The only image he could see was her perfect eyes, the only aroma he could smell was her wondrous fragrance, the only sound he could hear was her beautiful voice, and all his palm could feel was the touch of her hand. The seemingly real occurrence from his imagination stalked him, haunted him, and nothing was apt to take the memories away.
Tidus had fallen asleep the previous night to find himself stranded in a new world, drifting into a dream. It was autumn, and rusty brown leaves fell lightly from the trees in the forest he was now inside, coating the ground like a crunchy blanket. The sky overhead was a bright blue, clouds floating slowly from east to west as if they were trying to get someplace. Tidus found himself standing on a large black concrete road, surrounded by high-school students about his age, and being led by a teacher in the front of a long and unorganized line. Tiny chatter of drama and grades prevented the teacher's soft voice from being audible, and the class refused to silence themselves.
Turning around further, a girl who was not speaking caught Tidus's glance. She was calmly settled on her own, a bit separated from the group, genuinely satisfied with her own thoughts. Tidus slowly wandered up to her, nervous for his own being, but unable to control himself. The female noticed, and ever so slowly raised her head, exchanging eye contact.
If love at first sight was a true emotion, Tidus experienced it at that one moment. Her bright beige eyes, light enough for one to see the pupils, peered into his, driving him to realize that he was real to her, and Tidus's face grew red. The mascara she had applied to her eyelashes brought out this beauty even more, and added a particular gracefulness unable to be described in words alone.
The girl's deep brunette hair gleamed in the sunlight, full of volume. Two lofty collections came together strand by strand and extended down to her shoulders as sideburns, while the hair was cut fairly short in the back, presenting an elegant sway as she moved her head. Tidus was stunned, the cogs inside him turning, commanding him to say something, commanding him to speak to this girl, but all he could do was watch in awe.
He was finally able to recover, and trotted a bit further. Tidus cautiously introduced himself, asking the extraordinary female her name, however no sound was heard. His mouth moved, but the words the motions sent out failed to appear. He was not yet aware that he was dreaming, and had no idea the cause of his muteness.
The girl then motioned with her hand for Tidus to follow. Hesitation took over, and he was inept, but after one more gaze from her gorgeous eyes, Tidus obeyed. How was she able to control him with a single glimpse? The two continued down the concrete road, slightly slanted downwards, while in the distance behind them the class dissolved away into pure oblivion. As he stepped, Tidus came to know he had been blushing ever since he had laid eyes on the female, and swept the warm feeling from his cheeks, when in a resounding voice he heard her speak.
“You don't have to be afraid.”
Hearing her voice for the first time, he rose his chin, and once again encountered this mysterious character face to face. As he halted, puzzled, the girl smiled and bent her head, then returned to her usual pace. Tidus swiftly pranced down the road to catch up, and once again trekked beside her. After an interim of this, the girl stopped. Noticing, Tidus did the same. She extended her hand, giving a gesture for Tidus to take it. His cheeks turning crimson, Tidus reached out and held her hand.
A flood of her memories washed through Tidus like a tidal wave. He randomly found himself inside a vision from somewhere in her lifetime, and he was standing in the exact same point as the two were when she stopped him. The forest was dark and gloomy, and night had changed the sky to a dark purple gradient. The atmosphere felt like something similar to a horror movie, giving even the bravest of people a feeling of inevitable despair. In the distance, at the very top of the concrete road where they had began walking, a man shrouded in darkness unleashed a hoard of vicious gray wolves, barking and snarling, after a young girl. She sprinted for her life, coming straight at Tidus.
His mouth changed positions, attempting to tell her he'll help, but no words came out. She proceeded running, almost as if she could not even see Tidus. He frantically tried to get out of the way, but his feet were stuck to the black concrete like glue. He stuck his hand out, bracing himself for the impact, closed his eyes, and waited. Once again he opened his eyes, but nothing had happened. The girl had gone through him, as if he were just a ghost, or less, and now the wolves were approaching. Six of them passed and chased the faultless girl, but one altered its direction, and began sniffing the air, curious.
The wolf growled, glaring at Tidus, and sprung off its feet, gritting its bloody teeth down on his arm. Tidus screamed in agony, and reopened his eyelids to find himself no longer holding the hand of the girl. Scared to death, he took a quick look at his arm, but nothing had changed. No tooth-marks, no blood, no loss of skin. The girl frowned, as if to say she was sorry, and once Tidus had seen her remarkable eyes again, he was fully comforted. A creepy voice echoed throughout the area.
“You had your chance!”
Out of the blue, four shapes unlike Tidus had ever detected grabbed the girl. They were shadows, blurs, as fast as lightning, and before he could ever make out their true form, the figures had left Tidus's sight, retreating with the female into the forest. Tidus made a mad dash after his new romance.
And that's when he woke up. A humongous jolt of pain rushed through his arm, and as if he had been bitten Tidus wailed. He had rocketed out of bed and into the bathroom, soaking his arm with cold water, rinsing the pain away, and finally his arm was eased. No blood, no tooth-marks, and no missing skin. Then why did he feel such pain? Tidus's mind could not wonder, he had no time, for the better parts of the dream had caught his attention.
It was the second to last week of summer break for Tidus, and the 10th grade was approaching faster than ever before. The days of summer had gone so fast, the sun rising and falling so immediately, hoping for no one to see it come and go. Truth was, Tidus had no desire whatsoever to go back, but who could blame him? He went to a private school, and while he wasn't hated by many people- in fact, most of the population liked him, Tidus just did not approve of or fit in with anyone specific. Being an introvert, Tidus was very picky when it came to choosing his friends, or his friends choosing him, and he would've given anything for another introvert to come his way. But he figured that just wasn't meant to be.
Tidus had woken from his dream at 3:53 AM, and hadn't been able to forget anything about it. Usually, he never dreamt- or at least, never remembered his dreams. But this one felt real. He couldn't explain it, but it was almost as if he knew he was dreaming while asleep. All he had been longing to do for the past hour and a half while he had been awake was just to go back, to see that girl again, to see her eyes, to save her. Even though he knew he'd have to wait for night's arrival, he couldn't stop thinking about her.
Finally, after nearly three hours of sketching and journaling about the mystical event, 6:30 hit the clock, and Tidus's alarm pierced his tired ears.