Thread: Erotica sample. TELL ME what you think

Great. But If I was you I would put it in 3rd person. That would be more hot.

Paragraphs.

Yeah, I thought I should do paragraphs to, but apparently if you're going to submit your stuff anywhere they want it solid text. Eh, thanks for the responses

Originally Posted by bro

Yeah, I thought I should do paragraphs to, but apparently if you're going to submit your stuff anywhere they want it solid text. Eh, thanks for the responses

heh so much for remaining anonymous

Originally Posted by Burns

heh so much for remaining anonymous

My thoughts exactly. Way to go bro.

And really, why is this here?

Oh Shit, Well this is the artists corner, and writing is art to one degree or another. This site has quite a following so I decided to see the reactions of the different audiences using it.

Please keep an open mind to writings like this, and don't fall victim to our culture's sexual paranoia.

Thanks for your understanding.

(But for god's sake, I really shoudl have hit the anonymous button again...(how absent minded))

Oh well

Yeah... Oh shit.

Shouldn't this be in the Art Threads - where people post their atwork and poetry... And stuffs?

Its good.
If you're going submit it, I'd add it to www.totse.com

They have a really big compilation.

Interesting, but a tad unrealistic. But hell, what kind of erotic story isn't, I guess.

Perhaps a bit too much male imagery, and the climax was of him masterbating? Even so, not badly written. Keep it up.*

*No pun intended

MSG I greatly appreciate your constructive criticism, thanks. And unrealistic, yes it is. Unfortunately I don't beleive I could get girls that easily, (By getting a boner):p, but that's what it is, a fantasy.

I'll take into account what you said and apply it.

Seriously, paragraphs :-). I think its easier to read - and therefore to review - and it might help you review it yourself. You might need to submit without them - maybe they want to split it themselves for some reason? Seems odd to me; I'd have thought rhythm/pace was really important and paragraph length could be a part of that.

To get rid of the paragraphs when you _do_ submit it, you can use search and replace. At least on my computer you can't type a carriage return (newline "character") into the "find" box, but you can get one in there using copy+paste.

You can select a newline to copy by getting the cursor at the end of one line, then pressing shift+left to select the space between it and the next line. It may show up in the "find" box as a single space, or a funny symbol, or not at all. Leave the "replace" box empty and it should remove all the carriage returns and leave you with the desired mass of text sans paragraphs.

Thanks Source Jedi, I also agree that paragraphs are not important just for the progression of the story, but for my own train of thought and organization. Perhaps I will divide it up, or leave it somehow indicating where new paragraphs should be. Meh, Thanks for the feedback and tips, I appreciate it

Totse is a very Anarchistic, irresponsible, deviant site: i love it's political incorrectness The only thing REALLY irresponsible was to post stories and reports about the EVIL, WICKED Datura plant A.K.A. Moonflower. It's best if people didn't even know about it's very existance. Great site man

Well unrealistic as it may seem it DID manage to kickstart my visual imagination really good so in that manner I'd say: Well done. It manages to inspire and excite my fantasy greatly. So; Good work bro
And I agree on it: People should lift and discard the great tabu that rests on sexuality; We all do it, we all enjoy it so there's not even a point of hiding it. Why of all issues in life and in the world, such a positive issue as sexuality is scaring people? I don't even NEED to be able to read you Mind but when you and I stood outside somewhere and a stunningly beautyfull lady walks right by I don't even NEED to guess what's in your head cuz it's most certainlly the same as what's in my head

And another thing bro: It may not even be that unrealistic. As I experienced with many things: the one day it is a distant, passionate fantasy the other it is the reality of the current moment and it's hard to believe. Trust me on that

Wow SKA, I appreciate your kind, inspiring words, and hold the same view on the taboo of sexuality. But you can't change the culture. You can make a statement, hopefully bring a few open-minded people with you, and ignore how society feels

I quite enjoy erotic stories but infortunatly i didn't enjoy yours. You simly described your sexual fantasy with two blond chicks and tried to build connectors to make a story

usually the write should let you into his mind slowely , every thought every mood....slowely get you horny and not jump right away. maybe just because i am a girl i like it always more romantic...

Hmm, thank you for your criticism, yes, I see I was jumping the gun. Maybe I was just horny that day:p, but I think it is different what guys and girls look for, but I think to cater to a wider audience I'd need to include more feelings/lead up to the climax

Again, thank you for your constructive criticism, the most helpful yet

Originally Posted by anonymous

Up and down went each soft buttermilk buttock, up and down

hehe

i thought that was funny....








good story I guess



its kinda weird...

Yeah, I guess I'm just that guy, weird in my own way, but trying to use it to produce a product to be (enjoyed?) (criticized?) hehe.