I like the third stanza maybe because all of the "x" sounds are cool and I like the way it ends. The line "The only things the heat can't take" kind of reminds me of when this author guy came to my school and said something about a publisher trying to change his line that went "between the acts, we clowns relax", so your line made me think of that, maybe because of the way they both flow. I like how in your line how there is kinda an "offbeat accent" to put it into musical terms. I like how the t in "heat" and the t in the middle of "can't take" sounds. Its almost like the line "love in a space-dye vest" in the Dream Theater song "Space-Dye Vest".
You probably have no clue what I'm talking about because I just reread that and my examples sound nothing like your line, but they do to me for some reason.
I also found it interesting the way you repeat the line "A tragedy, a quantum leap" in a different part of later stanza. I've never really seen that before, although I don't read much poetry.
|
|
Bookmarks