The Assassin's Son: The setup for a novel of a planned series

[Kushna Mufeed]

ALERT!!! Wanna get to the point? Skip to the Times New Roman. Lemme know what you think. As many of you know, I have been creating my own fantasy world, information to which is found in my sig. Why did I end up spending so much free time developing this thing? It all started back in Grade 11 when I began Paragraph Role Playing. I had a character who I played, and the more I played him the more he grew. The more he grew, the more I wanted to know about him. And so I set out to create his history. The tide of inspiration was high and I quickly formed the basics of a story. But just like the character I was writing for, the story began to grow. The more it grew, the more I wanted to find out about the place it was set in. And there began the long task of developing Segrival. A task I doubt can ever be truly finished. Despite all this work, I am still not at a stage where I am ready to begin writing the novel. I am, however, nearing the end of of Segrival's global development phase. I will soon move on to developing some cultures and a method of deriving names. Yeah, I don't do it random, and yes, I know how I will do it. It's a bit complicated, but I expect it will be worth it in the end. Anywhoot, I have been working on plot details while developing the world. I want to present to you the setup of the first novel I plan on writing: The Assassin's Son (working title). This is not an overview, it's more of a prologue. This is also not a display of my writing skill, I'm am just explaining the very core of the story. Please, let me know what you think. And remember, this is part of something much much bigger. There is a man who is the Master Assassin of a group of Assassins. The Assassin's are hired to kill the King of the superpower of Segrival at that time. Their offer was too good to refuse. But what they asked was monumental. So, the Master Assassin sends a few of his best men to kill the King. They all fail. The King now knows his life is in danger for sure and jacks up his security. The vampires grow angry with the Master Assassin and arrange a meeting with him. There they force him to take a blood oath that he will kill the King. Now, in Segrival, there a system called Keldalbo. It is akin to Karma. Now, according to Keldalbo, if you take a blood oath and you break it, you and all of your descendants are cursed with terrible luck. The Master Assassin takes the mission into his own hands. He manages to infiltrate the palace and poses as a servant. So he's there 24/7, and he figures out everything about how he's going to kill the King. But he hesitates, because he's fallen in love with the King's daughter. He ends up seducing her and they get caught by the King. He bursts into the room! Fireball to the Assassin's chest! He's so ashamed of his daughter, without giving her the change to even grab her clothes, he teleports her out of palace and away from him. And so the King's daughter ends up out in the middle of a corrupt city, butt naked, and she doesn't know it, but she's impregnated with the Assassin's son. The child is born, and he lives a most accursed life because of his father's broken blood oath. The only way to redeem his blood line? Killing the King. And the King is his grandfather.

[Kushna Mufeed]

Can I get a response on this? Criticisms, questions, suggestions, etc.

[spockman]

It's interesting... Is the king a bastard or a decent guy? And what style of action will you use? Will it be kind of over the top or more down to Earth or pretty gritty? I'd just like to know, is all.

[Kushna Mufeed]

Well, he adheres to cultural values strictly. He is also a man who has suffered through much turmoil, more than most. The King is a great wolf (Anthropomorphic animals) who has many great accomplishments to his name. I'm thinking of a gritty style for this story. It is, in nature, a tragic story. I'll see when I get there. Whatever flows out gets put down.

[spockman]

Well, he adheres to cultural values strictly. He is also a man who has suffered through much turmoil, more than most. The King is a great wolf (Anthropomorphic animals) who has many great accomplishments to his name. I'm thinking of a gritty style for this story. It is, in nature, a tragic story. I'll see when I get there. Whatever flows out gets put down. That's cool. There's not a whole lot else I can say with just the base of the plot. I've always adhered to the way the story is told being more important than the story itself. But I'd like to read more. You said you put more of the world online somewhere? Edit: I see now. I'll get back to you once I've read more.

[Kushna Mufeed]

Yeah, but those need changes made to them.

[spockman]

Son of a bitch, Kushna... I really need you to publish this so that I can roleplay it.

[Kushna Mufeed]

In time. I expect Segrival to be one of the biggest things I do in life. I don't want to rush anything. That, and University. This place just sucks out your soul.

[spockman]

Yeah... You could easily format this for a pnp rp once you've written some novels about it, though. That's just how I see things. It could be epic.

[Kushna Mufeed]

It could be epic. It already is

[spockman]

Not denying it. I was just saying that it could also be epic as an rp. Honestly, after reading practically the whole web page, I'm really intigued and enthralled.

[Kushna Mufeed]

I will probably end up doing that at some point. RP is where its roots are.

[capoopy]

Wow its a great plot. I would buy it

[dylanshmai]

I have some experience in writing fantasy, and one thing I'll tell you is that what you have given us isn't even enough to write half a book in my opinion. Usually the summary of important events in a book will be pages and pages long, and you really don't want to over do it, but you still want it to be intact and interesting or relevant to the rest of the story (believable) and you're plan for you're story is really dull and even creative filler (that is more spontaneous writing) could not save this story, but then again I cannot judge what I have not seen yet, but I will tell you this: The more you write down before hand, the less trouble you will have falling of a cliff (which happens to me every time I go off script). As for the plot...well its sort of grinding my gears, but I would like to know more about the imagination, architecture, feeling, and atmosphere behind it (which is critical to master long before you start writing it). Also, it seems like there will be room for a lot of action scenes, but they can easily get repetitive (in my experience) and can easily be poorly written (thus throwing off the pace of the book)... oh and find interesting transitions to help the story and to help you write will confidence. I hate to say it sounds generic, but it truly dose.

[Techno]

RP here maybe?

[Kushna Mufeed]

I have some experience in writing fantasy, and one thing I'll tell you is that what you have given us isn't even enough to write half a book in my opinion. Of course not. What incentive would you have to read it then? This is not a plot summary for a novel. It's a prologue summary for a novel. Usually the summary of important events in a book will be pages and pages long, and you really don't want to over do it, but you still want it to be intact and interesting or relevant to the rest of the story (believable) and you're plan for you're story is really dull and even creative filler (that is more spontaneous writing) could not save this story, but then again I cannot judge what I have not seen yet, but I will tell you this: The more you write down before hand, the less trouble you will have falling of a cliff (which happens to me every time I go off script). What? Run-on sentence much? As for the plot...well its sort of grinding my gears, but I would like to know more about the imagination, architecture, feeling, and atmosphere behind it (which is critical to master long before you start writing it). No. You get told nothing more than what I tease you with. Truth be told, there is a large amount of preliminary work I'm doing before going ahead and writing this novel. I'm currently developing the dynamics of the world itself. I'm currently working on the 4th version of Segrival. The 2nd version is in my sig and the 3rd version got shoved aside when I redefined the Fundamentals yet again. Once Segrival is finished and finalized (depends how deep the rabbit hole goes), I'm going to develop a method for deriving names (speaking of which, does anyone know where I can find the largest list of words in the English language? Something without definitions before some smart ass tells me the dictionary. Electronic copy too). Then will I begin delving into the cultures of Segrival's inhabitants. Once I'm far enough with that, I'll probably start work on the novel. Also, it seems like there will be room for a lot of action scenes, but they can easily get repetitive (in my experience) and can easily be poorly written (thus throwing off the pace of the book)... I plan to write extensively. I'm even thinking of doing such things as writing the same scene from different characters points of views. I will then pick and choose the best to put in my novel. oh and find interesting transitions to help the story and to help you write will confidence. I assume you mean something like leaving one plot-line on a cliff hanger and following another for a while? I hate to say it sounds generic, but it truly dose. I'd have to agree. That's what happens when you only read a few hundred words about something so monumentally huge I doubt even I've got a full grasp of the scope of this yet. Besides, this novel started out as a history for an RP character. It's bound to be somewhat generic. RP here maybe? Start an RP based in Segrival? I'm down for that once I get the final version down. You may find me to be difficult, nitpicking at stupid shit which interferes with my continuity. But we'll see. People will need a bit of schooling before participating in a Segrival RP.

[dylanshmai]

Its good to here how devoted you are to you're writings, I wish I could say the same in some regards. I said that the plot was generic, because it has been reiterated so many different times in movies and books, and is something that would lure me away from you're book. But I would be interested to read more about what you plan to do with the novel. thanks

[Kushna Mufeed]

Actually, I've been thinking of going underground with Segrival for a while. Time to hide it away from public eye and its influences. I may or may not release the new version of Segrival online. But I will probably post a mind map which summarizes the new version of the Dynamics. And that'll be the end of it for a while as far as you're concerned. EDIT: (I found that list of words)

[dylanshmai]

okay, but as an artist, I'm going to have to ask you a question I hope you can get back to me after thinking about it for a while: what influences your work?...other than said video games and movies (but maybe tell us which movies or games, etc, go into detail, dig deep)

[Kushna Mufeed]

Tolkien is my first and foremost influence. A few other books and videogames. I am trying to weed out as much external influence from other works of fiction, though. I'm striving towards originality when it comes to Segrival itself if not the stories set in it. I try and welcome influences from everyday life, though. A prof might say something during a lecture and something will click. A friend might mention some trivial fact in passing and it'll change things around completely in head. I find myself constantly experiencing mini epiphanies about this world.

[dylanshmai]

I try and welcome influences from everyday life, though. A prof might say something during a lecture and something will click. A friend might mention some trivial fact in passing and it'll change things around completely in head. I find myself constantly experiencing mini epiphanies about this world. great, that's mostly what I'm interested to hear about. I'm hugely influenced by my dreams, because they can carry a certain atmosphere that is near impossible to find in every day life. Most of my stories are built upon dreams I had.

[Kushna Mufeed]

I wouldn't say my dreams directly influence my work. When I first found out about LDing, my first reaction was that this could be used as a tool to develop Segrival. My ultimate goal with LDing is to construct a dream version of Segrival.

[dylanshmai]

okay...thats cool. um, I'm just going to be honest for a second though: I don't mean to be rude, but I feel like you've ignored pretty much every criticism I've made. I think these threads should operate like a creative writing class. Like, just throwing some ideas out there.

[Kushna Mufeed]

I did try to respond to respond to everything you said, except for that run-on sentence because I couldn't tell where you were trying to get with it and was too tired at the time to try and comprehend it. Is there any criticism in particular you'd like me to take into consideration or reply to? Were my responses too ambiguous? That was probably intended. While I may have not responded to everything, I probably took it into consideration. It's just not likely that I'll just let some random person's ideas influence my work. On a side note, I'd like to tell you my philosophy when it comes to developing and writing for Segrival. Every single English course or writing class I've taken always says that you should keep your audience in mind and make sure you write for them. I disagree with this. When doing anything concerning Segrival, I do it for myself and only myself. I'm not aiming to please anyone but myself with this. I'm the one that has to be happy with what I produce. If it so happens that other people like my work, they are more then welcome to enjoy it too.

[Venomblood]

I'm just going to throw this in here.