Bye Bye, Mr. Emperor Guy...

**Man of Steel** · 02-19-2008 05:22 AM

I'm pretty sure I haven't posted this here before. It's a Star Wars spoof of the song American Pie that I did ages ago. It got a bit long, in order to include all the events of the Original Trilogy, so beware.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~

A long, long time ago... I can still remember how
That sabacc used to make me smile,
That cantina was a place of chance,
Obi-Wan saw this at a glance,
And told young Luke to be careful for a while.

But Ponda Baba made him shiver,
As his drink Wuher did deliver,
Bad news on the doorstep...
The droids couldn't take a step.

I remember Luke was almost harmed
When Baba promptly was disarmed
Something oozed from deep inside,
The day Uncle Owen died.

Soo... Bye, bye, Mr. Emperor guy,
Flew my freighter to meet Vader but Lord Vader was sly,
He'd already jumped right into his TIE
Ah but this will be the day that he'll die,
This will be the day that he'll die.

Thinking to become a very rich man,
Han Solo took them to Alderaan
But things weren't as they should be,
There was nothing there but rocks and mist
And a space station too big to exist,
They were pulled in by it's tractor beam.

Well they quickly found the Princess was there
And rescued her from the hunter's snare,
Escaping along with the guys,
Obi-Wan met his mortal demise.

But the rest got away over the hedge
And the Rebel Alliance sent in Luke and Wedge
And Luke sent that torpedo right over the edge,
The day the Death Star blew.

I started singin'

Bye, bye, Mr. Emperor guy,
Flew my freighter to meet Vader but Lord Vader was sly,
He'd already jumped right into his TIE
Ah but this will be the day that he'll die,
This will be the day that he'll die.

Now for three years they've been running hard
And finally settled on an icy world,
But that's not meant to be.

Wampa Ice Creatures like warm flesh
And Skywalker took a ride with death
But managed to get himself free.

The Battle of Hoth was a real bad thing,
The monster walkers began to sing,
With great gouts of laserfire
But they were brought down by bits of wire.

Luke went to a swampy place
While Han flew through dangerous space,
A little green man made a funny face,
The day Yoda tried.

We were singin'

Bye, bye, Mr. Emperor guy,
Flew my freighter to meet Vader but Lord Vader was sly,
He'd already jumped right into his TIE
Ah but this will be the day that he'll die,
This will be the day that he'll die.

Helter Skelter in a sweaty swelter,
Luke trained hard near Yoda's shelter,
Faced himself in a dark cave.

Luke's X-wing began to sink
And Luke thought all was in the drink
But Yoda said to use the Force
And lifted it up like it was a purse.

And the Falcon fled to nearby Cloud City,
Where Han knew a friend that was witty.

But Boba Fett was waiting with Vader's crew
And Han got frozen in a block of blue,
Leia cried sweet tears,
But Chewie soothed her fears.

Luke had seen in a dream,
These things that befell the Rebel team,
So he left Dagobah half-trained it seemed,
To help his friends in need.

Luke arrived on the cloudy side,
And he met a man all in black inside,
Over a wide and open span,
Vader cut off Skywalker's fighting hand.

Then he revealed a twist,
That he was Luke's father he did insist,
But Luke couldn't handle the facts,
And threw himself into the shaft.

By miraculous fortune and great gall,
Leia heard his telepathic call
And rescues him before he can fall,
To his death below.

Bye, bye, Mr. Emperor guy,
Flew my freighter to meet Vader but Lord Vader was sly,
He'd already jumped right into his TIE
Ah but this will be the day that he'll die,
This will be the day that he'll die.

There Han was in Jabba's Palace,
Threepio and Artoo got sent as gifts,
Then Leia arrived with Chewbacca in cuffs,
As a bounty hunter she was to bluff,
And with bomb in hand she got her price.

Late at night she came to Han's side,
Melted his carbonite and freed him from it's inside,
But wait right there,
Jabba was aware.

As he chained her up he dressed her down,
In pieces of metal she laid on the ground,
'Til Luke came around,
The day the rancor died.

But Luke was caught,
Taken on a sand yacht,
They were all to die at the Pit of Carkoon.

But despite Jabba's great pains,
He got choked by his slave girl's chains,
And Boba Fett got smacked across the back,
Han Solo gave him a good solid whack.

The Sarlacc had a good meal that day,
The armor really made it's day
And Artoo launched a weapon from a secret place.

Then Luke took out those goony guards,
Cut them right into halves and thirds,
Then they blew up the yacht and called it a day.

The new Death Star was proceeding as planned,
Luke traveled back to a swampy land,
Yoda was beginning to sway,
Then he upped and passed away.

Luke figured out who his sister is,
We already knew but it's not our biz,
There was a shield generator on the moon of Endor,
Turns out that planet's not such a bore.

The strike team lands,
Straightens out their plans
But finds themselves with scout troopers on their busy hands,
Leia leads them on a merry chase at dangerous speeds.

Bye, bye, Mr. Emperor guy,
Flew my freighter to meet Vader but Lord Vader was sly,
He'd already jumped right into his TIE
Ah but this will be the day that he'll die,
This will be the day that he'll die.

Thanks to Chewbacca the rest of the team,
Is captured by Ewoks and pretty much creamed
But Threepio and Luke save the day
And it all works out in a happy way.

Turns out Leia's there as well
And to her Luke does tell,
That brother and sister are they.

Luke decides that the time is here,
To visit Lord Vader and make things clear,
Luke goes with Vader to the Throne Room,
Only to find the Rebels' plans are doomed.

In the emotional fight that ensues,
Luke's anger in the Force imbues,
He cuts off Vader's mechanical hand which is news
But then the Emperor steps in and fries him with the Force.

Meanwhile back down below,
On Endor the team is running a little bit slow
But then they find that the whole thing is a trap
And the Imperials haven't just been taking a nap.

But the Ewoks are a humongous aid
And they assist the Rebels in the raid,
Soon the Rebels have it made,
Han and Leia blow the shield bunker from the back door.

On the Death Star out in space,
Vader breaks at the look on Luke's face,
Doing what should have been done long ago,
Vader lands the killing blow,
Throwing the Emperor down the reactor shaft.

As Vader lay dying from wounds inside,
He became a Jedi once more in mind,
And the mask which helped him live he took off,
So his son could see him talk.

Wedge and Lando flew into the core,
Fired proton torpedoes, missiles and more,
Luke got out just in time,
The day the Death Star blew.

Bye, bye, Mr. Emperor guy,
Flew my freighter to meet Vader but Lord Vader had died,
And Imp flunkies were boarding shuttles and TIEs,
Ah but this will be the day that they die,
This will be the day that they die.

**Techno** · 01-25-2009 10:01 AM

You know, maybe the lack of posts in this thread is due to the fact that the song is so GODDAMN LONNG! Though that's okay. Funny read, even to a non-Star Wars fan like myself.

**Man of Steel** · 01-25-2009 10:07 AM

You have a good point. I think I added seven verses...

Thanks, though!

**Techno** · 01-25-2009 10:07 AM

You made it longer?!

**Man of Steel** · 01-25-2009 10:16 AM

To the original American Pie, that is. To produce this.

**Techno** · 01-25-2009 02:28 PM

Don't make it longer.

**Xaqaria** · 01-26-2009 06:31 AM

Weird Al knock off? But with dorkier references?

**Man of Steel** · 01-26-2009 06:47 AM

Bah, Weird Al used Episode I... I crammed the whole OT in there from A New Hope through Return of the Jedi!

**Original Poster** · 01-26-2009 08:06 AM

Someone should give you a paper-model medal.

**Xaqaria** · 01-26-2009 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

Bah, Weird Al used Episode I... I crammed the whole OT in there from A New Hope through Return of the Jedi!

See, there's the dorkier part I was talking about. Do you know what it takes to be dorkier than Weird Al? I'd say you do.

**Man of Steel** · 01-26-2009 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

Someone should give you a paper-model medal.

*BEEP* *BEEP*

Whoops, I'm sorry, my sarcasm detector must be on the fritz, it keeps going off when you're around...

Originally Posted by Xaqaria

See, there's the dorkier part I was talking about. Do you know what it takes to be dorkier than Weird Al? I'd say you do.

Heh, perhaps. Depends on what you mean by dorky. I was a pretty huge Star Wars geek not that long ago, for sure. However, I bet Weird Al doesn't know how to start a fire with a Coke can and piece of chocolate.*

Incidentally, are you always this rude and uncomplimentary, or do you rehearse especially for the Dreamviews Artists' Corner? I've been noticing quite a few of your posts in this forum containing nothing but blatant put-downs, where you could be offering constructive criticism, or just not posting. I'm sure we would all appreciate a little common courtesy.

*I never could get the damn concave shiny enough to focus the beam down tight enough, actually. But a ferro rod and striker has to count for something, right?

**JET73L** · 01-27-2009 04:36 AM

Wow. Really long song. Nice going on packing in the entire original trilogy, as well as the name drops and occasional obscure reference.

**Man of Steel** · 01-27-2009 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by JET73L

Wow. Really long song. Nice going on packing in the entire original trilogy, as well as the name drops and occasional obscure reference.

Thanks, man. It took awhile and some doing to get it all in, in the right rhyming sequence and such. I know waaaay too much random Star Wars trivia.

I have now revealed my hidden inner geekiness. 8D

**Xaqaria** · 01-27-2009 08:50 AM

Originally Posted by Man of Steel

*BEEP* *BEEP*

Whoops, I'm sorry, my sarcasm detector must be on the fritz, it keeps going off when you're around...

Heh, perhaps. Depends on what you mean by dorky. I was a pretty huge Star Wars geek not that long ago, for sure. However, I bet Weird Al doesn't know how to start a fire with a Coke can and piece of chocolate.*

Incidentally, are you always this rude and uncomplimentary, or do you rehearse especially for the Dreamviews Artists' Corner? I've been noticing quite a few of your posts in this forum containing nothing but blatant put-downs, where you could be offering constructive criticism, or just not posting. I'm sure we would all appreciate a little common courtesy.

Didn't expect someone like you to take being called a dork as an insult. Perhaps the man of steel has an ego made of glass? Besides, find me another post in which you think I was insulting that isn't the one honest comment I made about slayer's constant stream of cat girl threads.

While you're at it, find me someone who can fit Sarlacc, Ponda Baba, and Wampa into a rhyming scheme (let alone know what they all are) who isn't a dork, and maybe I'll owe you an apology.

edit; its also extremely ironic that your other star wars song is only a few threads down and my post complimenting it is first on the list.

**Man of Steel** · 01-27-2009 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by Xaqaria

Didn't expect someone like you to take being called a dork as an insult. Perhaps the man of steel has an ego made of glass? Besides, find me another post in which you think I was insulting that isn't the one honest comment I made about slayer's constant stream of cat girl threads.

While you're at it, find me someone who can fit Sarlacc, Ponda Baba, and Wampa into a rhyming scheme (let alone know what they all are) who isn't a dork, and maybe I'll owe you an apology.

edit; its also extremely ironic that your other star wars song is only a few threads down and my post complimenting it is first on the list.

First off, my apologies.

No, I didn't take being called a dork an insult, though it does tend to be used as such. I do prefer the term 'geek' though. Problem with the internet; can't read tone. I don't think either of us read each others' posts as they were meant.

I was indeed referring to the post in slayer's thread (honest though it may be to you, it was pretty darn rude). I could have sworn there were more posts of yours in another, similar, thread, that said the same. It seems I had you mixed up with another member. My deepest apologies for that; I truly am sorry.

I will say, though, at the risk of sounding defensive, that I don't consider myself a dork. In the last year I've pretty much 'grown out' of my Star Wars geekiness. I was pretty bad there for a time, as you can tell by this thread and a few fan-fiction stories I've posted in another thread. It's one of those stages, I suppose. I couldn't even begin to write something like this now, the motivation simply wouldn't be there. That's not to say I'm not proud of the effort I put into this, though.

And yes, it is pretty ironic, actually.

Anyway, yes, I'm feeling pretty embarrassed now, so, eh.

**Techno** · 01-28-2009 12:49 AM

You are an inspiration to Star Wars fans everywhere.

**Bearsy** · 01-28-2009 02:37 AM

I loved it, Josh.

I'm also quite thrilled that I got every reference.

**Venomblood** · 02-05-2009 04:45 AM

Originally Posted by Elis D.

I loved it, Josh.

I'm also quite thrilled that I got every reference.

I was thrilled that I didn't get any references! I know so little about Star Wars.

Song is awesome.

**Man of Steel** · 02-05-2009 08:22 AM

Originally Posted by Elis D.

I loved it, Josh.

I'm also quite thrilled that I got every reference.

Thanks, man!

Originally Posted by Venomblood

I was thrilled that I didn't get any references! I know so little about Star Wars.

Song is awesome.

Thank you as well.

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