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    Thread: how can i improve my social skills?

    1. #1
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      how can i improve my social skills?

      Hi,

      for the past few years i've been extremely anti-social and socially awkward, and i don't even know why. I can engage in a good conversation with close friends or family, but everyone else (mostly girls) i just cant spit anything out and it just gets more and more awkward.

      Is there anyway i can stop this?

      cheers

    2. #2
      Member SuperOhm's Avatar
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      I was in the same boat, and still am to some extent. Here's what's worked for me.

      1. Do not hide. Put yourself out there, keep an open posture. Wear clothing which shows what your body is like, not clothing which covers it up. Just be yourself. A lot of anxiety can be created by trying to "hide" things, even if all you're hiding is your anxiety.
      2. Admit that you're socially awkward and shy. Doing so sets the bar low, all you can do from there is impress. It also takes a lot of the pressure off.
      3. When talking to someone, you're not trying to get them to like you. You're trying to figure out if you like them. You can't control what goes on in their head, so stay out of their head and stay in yours. Do you like them? Not sure? Get to know them better. On a similar note, ask open ended questions (those which need considerably more of a response than yes/no).
      4. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. I can't stress that one enough. Don't spend so much time in your head that you neglect the words coming out of theirs. Pay attention. Listen to what they have to say. Ask questions to verify when you get confused (and also to show that you've been listening)
      5. If they don't like you, then move on. Don't waste your time with people who do not enjoy your company, you will not enjoy theirs.
      6. Just get out there and do this a lot. We gain social skills through being social, not from reading books (or messages boards for that matter).

      AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:
      7) Forgive yourself when you stumble. You're going to make mistakes, you're going to say stupid things. You're going to offend people. You may even repulse some. That's part of the process. You will learn, through experience, what is and is not socially acceptable.


      One other thing to remember is this, most people are nice people. They tend to try to avoid conflict. As such, most social interactions will be generally positive, or at the very least will not be overtly negative. There's very little to be afraid of. Worst case scenario, they won't like you.
      dolphin and AnotherDreamer like this.
      I'm not always lucid, but whether I'm awake or asleep I'm always dreaming.

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      How to Win Friends and Influence People
      by Dale Carnegie.

      A classic.
      Tutorial: How to Fall Asleep Faster
      You are dreaming.Do a reality check.

    4. #4
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      Are you on Reddit? As a fellow socialphobe I find the r/socialskills subreddit to be an immense help. They also have a lot of really good links on the sidebar there. Another good one, but not as active, is r/socialanxiety .

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      Quote Originally Posted by SuperOhm View Post
      1. Do not hide. Put yourself out there, keep an open posture. Wear clothing which shows what your body is like, not clothing which covers it up. Just be yourself. A lot of anxiety can be created by trying to "hide" things, even if all you're hiding is your anxiety.

      I couldn't agree more.

    6. #6
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      Remember that everyone else is too busy worrying about their own shortcomings to notice yours.
      Imagine that everywhere you go you have a big black cape billowing out behind you, like Batman.
      Have successful social interactions which make you more confident in future ones. You can use alcohol as a temporary crutch to get yourself into such interactions.
      Don't say you're antisocial because that has negative connotations such as that you are violent and hate society (it's a very frequently misused term).
      Last edited by Whatsnext; 12-24-2013 at 06:44 PM.
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    7. #7
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      Social skills are like a muscle, in the "use it or lose it" sense. So, to have better social skills, you need to flex that muscle and work it out. In other words, go out and socialize more.

      There's all kinds of good advice out there (and in here) on specific things you can focus on, but at the end of the day, the determinator is how often you practice your social skills in real life.

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