Thread: Tell me what should I do

Originally Posted by cirefu

Hi. I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for posting this.
Now where do I begin?
I'm not sure if this is how it's always been or things started getting worse that I started interfering. My parents had their fights since before I was born, so I'm not sure. One thing's for sure and that's that my father beat my mom from the beginning. But I don't know if it was as bad as it is now. I think it has worsened slowly and constantly during years that I didn't notice at all but now that I come to think about it I can't help but wonder if it's always been like this...Although right now I realized sth. That it got worse after he got sick, "Intervertebral Disc Herniation".
When they fight, he would throw everything close to him at my mother. So I always have to be there making sure nothing dangerous is within his range and occasionally act as a shield and also keep them separated or separate them if he's already beating her with punches... Once I wasn't home and they got in a fight and after that every time I wanted to go to school or somewhere my little brother would beg me to stay so I can stop them...Since he got sick it's been like this which is 3 years now. Now all those times I just tried to protect my mom and that was it. I didn't take sides, I didn't say anything. It was a mistake apparently. All those times that I kept it in me they just build up and...Last time I started yelling for both of them to stop, I just ranted a bit but didn't take sides at all just blamed them both for doing this again and again not learning when to stand down and with their stubbornness wreak havoc on the house, themselves and us...If just one of them stops talking and leaves for a few minutes for the anger to cool down things wouldn't be like this...And I blamed them both for this...Now you see I always kinda hated my dad...Since I remember as I grew up and matured a bit I just felt sorry for him cuz obviously he was in pain and he took it out on my mom and consequently us. But this time, today, all those hatred I tried to replace with sth else, and those goddamn continuous fights exploded when I saw him punching my mother...Rage and hatred was all I felt and I grabbed him by the neck, yelling at him, calling him a psycho. He was frustrated for a second and then he recovered...Now it was him and me fighting. He pushed me and I fell then I stood up and now I had to stop him from hitting my mom and myself! Awesome. Like it was easy enough when I wasn't a target myself. Now my mother was trying to get me away from him and my brother begging him to stop. Now we were either separated and attacking each other by words, his being things he always said like I am a loser and don't know how to do anything etc, etc mine things I pushed down for 18 years and now coming out in yells and pure rage...It was just awful...The whole neighborhood realized what was going on I guess. All those yells, screams and cries...
We were going out, me, my mother and brother. He stopped us and their fight began and then my fight with him began.
So then he told me to not come back to this house and a few minutes later told me that if nothing happens to him he will hurt me so I become paralyzed and unable to move anymore! My mother called my uncle to come and we went out to my grandparents house and while we were there my uncle called my mother that my father feels sick...He took some pills once we were gone and then was taken to hospital by my uncle.
Now he's back home and I'm back home too. He's sleeping right now and will be asleep till tomorrow and I don't know what the hell will happen. I don't care if he makes me leave the house, I'm just afraid that if I'm gone he will hurt or even kill my mother...Well, I guess he will beat her again anyway just don't know when. But what if he kills her? I don't know what to do.
Leave or stay?
The relationship is f**ked up and will never be repaired and I'd love to get the hell out of this house... But if I do then every second I will have to worry about what he might do...

Usually I'm not active on these threads but I read this one and boy does this situation seem scary. My opinion would be to leave... As much as you care for your father, you could be so emotionally damaged in your later years which could lead to earlier health problems. Is your father old enough to be moved into aged-care or is he eligible to be moved into some other public care facility?

Originally Posted by KarlaB18

Usually I'm not active on these threads but I read this one and boy does this situation seem scary. My opinion would be to leave... As much as you care for your father, you could be so emotionally damaged in your later years which could lead to earlier health problems. Is your father old enough to be moved into aged-care or is he eligible to be moved into some other public care facility?

It's actually my mother that I'm more worried about. If I leave he might hurt her otherwise I would have left a long time ago.
Well I have his genetics you know and it's been always like this : constant fights and quarrel, but recently the intensity has risen to a dangerous level.
He is messed up in the mind and I feel it also. I am like him in many ways which scares me to death and makes me hate myself also. I decided not to marry, ever cuz I'm afraid that I would become like him, hurting my wife and mother of my children...Anyways let me stop right here cuz this could go for a while...
So I am as damaged as you could get. That's not a problem anymore.
It's just a fear of them killing each other and if that happens it would be on me cuz I decided to quit and run away instead of staying and protecting my mom. But god I wish to just get away. It's just so much I don't know how longer I can take it.
And moving him into public care facility is not an option. The house is his and if he wants to can just throw us out...

have you tried talking to your mother about it, its probably difficult for her to get out of a bad situation, tell her you will help her leave, talk to some authorities tell them your mom needs help to leave, maybe she needs a restraining order from him before she could leave?

^^^ I also suggest this