Thread: Ask the Older Crowd

My thoughts: (I made a long post that got lost; that's OK I think it is better summarized anyway

Originally Posted by pj

It's all worth it. It is what we really are designed for.

Not me! First bit of advice: Know Yourself. Don't let yourself end up with things that you didn't really want in the first place.

Related to this is: Learn from the mistakes of others. Don't remake them all yourself.

Very important: Don't borrow money except for an education or a home. Credit cards are evil, car dealers are evil. If you can't save the money for it before, do you really want to be paying it back later with interest?

Originally Posted by pj

One of my personal axioms is that if we don't take care of ourselves first, we aren't really able to do a good job of taking care of others - and in the long run we can end up being the ones who need caring for.

Very true. It's OK to be selfish. People will admire your independence, instead of thinking you're a sucker. (I had a long paragraph written here about my selfish father and my selfless mother--I won't repeat it, but which one do you think I don't have to worry about, and which one am I taking care of?)

That's all I can think of for now.

Good thread.

What do you think about when reflecting on high school and such. What do you think of the people? The dislikes for people, the people you were trying to impress, the people that annoyed you, etc.

Originally Posted by ataraxis

Good thread.

What do you think about when reflecting on high school and such. What do you think of the people? The dislikes for people, the people you were trying to impress, the people that annoyed you, etc.

Pretty meaningless. Actually totally meaningless.

Originally Posted by CoLd BlooDed

I have a question: what would you consider the toughest thing you've faced in your life? And then what would you consider the happiest?

First let me say.. pj I am so unbelievably sorry. I can't begin to fathom the emotional toll something like that has had on you and your family. My husband lost his mother to cancer in March of this year and he had an incredibly hard time on Mother's day (I can only imagine what Mother's day was like for you). There are simply no words.. I'm still stunned by your post.

As for the "toughest" thing I've had to face in my life .. I posted the following in Feb 05:

My first husband was physically abusive to the point that one evening I felt I couldn't take it anymore, I held out a butcher knife and told him to "just kill me.. to please just end it.."

When I was holding our baby son and he hit him to reach me I knew I had to get out. I took the clips from his guns and went to my parent's house. He had closed me off from my family and friends and no one knew how bad it was until I left... I was too ashamed/embarressed to let them know that I would allow anyone to treat me that way.

To make a very long story short, I ended up leaving my family/friends and moving across the country with my son, our clothes, a tv and a couple of beanbags (it was all I could fit into the car). We had nothing but I never felt more free..

If you ask me if I regret marrying my first husband, I would have to say no. That marriage gave me my loving, gentle, intelligent son and he is worth any pain I had to endure.

As for the "happiest" moment, I sincerely hope that is yet to come! But I do have many "happy" moments: when I'm ballroom dancing, when I feel like I've made a real difference in someone's life either with word or deed, when I look at my son, and when my present husband (and best friend) looks at me.

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Originally Posted by ataraxis

What do you think about when reflecting on high school and such. What do you think of the people? The dislikes for people, the people you were trying to impress, the people that annoyed you, etc.

Originally Posted by Moonbeam

Pretty meaningless. Actually totally meaningless.

I agree with Moonbeam.

All those kids in high school that I used to want to "like" me or that I wanted to "be like".. ended up not meaning a thing to my life once I left high school. High school is a point in time in your life.. a very small point in time. High school is a means to an end.. it is used to get you into a college/university.. and college/university is then used to get you ready for your adult life. And since you'll spend the next 50+ years of your life OUTSIDE of school.. outside of school is where you'll meet the majority of people who will have some true meaning in your life.

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Yeah, that is heart-wrenching pj. No one should have to go through something like that. Thank God for good friends.

Originally Posted by Clairity

...to let them know that I would allow anyone to treat me that way.

You raised such a valid point that every here needs to learn a lesson from. Never let yourself be pushed around by others. Leaving can be very hard to do because of fear of the unknown. Freeing yourself from a negative situation in your life is a liberating and worthy endeavour. The benefits are often immediate.

Remember your responsibilities and that you have a responsibility to yourself (and your children, when applicable). Sometimes life's pains are unavoidable or are a reasonable price for the fulfillment of some critical responsibility. But never let yourself be treated like that by another person. Abuse is never an option, that's why it's called "abuse".

Thanks for the quick response pj and Clarity, I don't have time to reply so expect one soon. Greatest sympathies to you, pj, but thank you for answering. And I agree, life is full of trauma and tribulations, I'm only 16 and I have some pretty big ones already.

Wow - thanks to everybody participating in this thread so far! I am so enjoying the questions and the replies.

Moonbeam - I'm sorry your big post was lost - I would have loved to read the details. You have a great mind and fascinating insights from your rather unique perspective. I've had that happen... if you go beyond the 15 minutes or so in composing the post, the system logs you off and when you hit that "submit" button, you get an empty screen. I've been able to recover those by hitting the back button on my browser and copying off what was written.

Thanks for the all the kind words regarding our experience with my wife's mom.

Clairity... I spent two years a while back helping somebody get to the point where she was able to leave an identical situation. It was almost like reading her story to read yours, and I've heard it from others too. There is a bizarre methodology to that kind of abuse. It becomes a vicious cycle that the abuser controls. Cutting off friends and family is an essential part of it. Crushing the will and questioning the sanity of the one being abused is part of it. Rising up from that prison - and that is EXACTLY what it is - and fleeing takes tremendous courage, especially after years of having somebody systematically tearing down every shred of your self-confidence. Bravo. I am in awe of you, lady.

Regarding high school for me... I missed it. Really I did. I got stoned and stayed that way, and nothing that happened there ended up making a shred of difference in my life. My only regret was having to go back for remedial English and algebra to get started in junior college. That was a lot of wasted time... but then almost all of the 1970's was pretty well wasted for me.

Finally, a quick observation about the good time/bad times thing. Clairity nailed it when she said the best of times are yet to come. They happen all the time, if we are simply open to them. The sun hitting my shoulders... standing on our little piece of river or recognizing a tree I planted several years ago that is growing... the company of friends... the gentle touch of my wife or a hug from my children... listening to my son play the violin... having a piece of music or song I've written "ring true" with somebody. It just goes on and on.

It is easy to let bad things cast a pall over all of life. We don't have to let that happen. If I can stay in the moment, life is full of beauty, joy and wonderful surprises.

Originally Posted by pj

Moonbeam - I'm sorry your big post was lost - I would have loved to read the details. You have a great mind and fascinating insights from your rather unique perspective. I've had that happen... if you go beyond the 15 minutes or so in composing the post, the system logs you off and when you hit that "submit" button, you get an empty screen. I've been able to recover those by hitting the back button on my browser and copying off what was written.

Oh, is that what happened? I got a new computer and I thought that had something to do with it. I did hit the back button, but unfortunately it just went back to what I had quoted from you, rather than the whole thing. That's OK, I summed up what I wanted to say. Probably too long the first time anyway.

Clairity and pj, thanks for sharing those stories. It does put things in perspective. I'm glad you had people to help you. Clairity, yours is a story that is way too common, but not everyone makes it out like you had the strength to do. pj, your story is quite unique in its tragedy, but really does graphically illustrate that the best way to help those that you love is to help yourself first. Something that some peoples' mothers will never learn--I guess that is all too common too.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was finding my sister after she killed herself, and the after effects on my family. She had a two year old, my niece, who is now 22. After 20 years I can still hardly bring myself to talk about it, and very rarely do. I bring it up to say that, as horrible as it was, it caused a change in me that completely turned my life. It the brought the rest of my family closer. Good things can come out of even the worst events. I didn't want to say that, because I feel like it is saying that there are good things about her death, but it is something to remember during bad times.

pj: when you found the one you are now very happily married to (I truly envy you), did you know from the beginning that she was perfect for you? If so, how? What told you that you found your soul-mate? This is of particular concern/interest to me at the present time.

Originally Posted by pj

Moonbeam - I'm sorry your big post was lost - I would have loved to read the details. You have a great mind and fascinating insights from your rather unique perspective. I've had that happen... if you go beyond the 15 minutes or so in composing the post, the system logs you off and when you hit that "submit" button, you get an empty screen. I've been able to recover those by hitting the back button on my browser and copying off what was written.

Are you sure, pj? I've taken hours before to compose posts (you know, break for dinner, phone calls, etc...) and that's never happened to me.

I do know that sometimes the server seems to have a brain fart and screws up. When it seems to be taking too long to post, I right click and "select all" then quickly copy (ctrl+c). Though, the back button has saved me a few times, it doesn't always work to save your entered text, only the quoted text. I was also saved by "back" then "forward" a time or two.

Originally Posted by pj

It is easy to let bad things cast a pall over all of life. We don't have to let that happen. If I can stay in the moment, life is full of beauty, joy and wonderful surprises.

You know, that's something I've already learned at my age. Is that good or bad?

And let me just say, I feel for you both Clairity and Pj. Any sort of loss or abuse is difficult. One of my cats was put down not too long ago and I was even torn up about that, so I can't even imagine losing a relative that I was really close with. And I know all about abusive relationships, except it was the other way around, with my uncle. His wife had bipolar and she'd get angry and hurt my cousins and him. There's actually been a lot of conflict within my dads family. So much, in fact, that it would take a good hour of my time to describe everything that's happened to them. So I'm sorry to hear that about you guys.

It's actually kind of funny when I think about it... here I am thinking that no one else has gone through stuff like me, but indeed there are people who've experienced worse and recovered less. I wouldn't necessarily call it ignorance, just a lack of knowledge for people who share life stories.

Anyways, another question... what happened to all the friends you ever met in high school? Did you keep in contact? If you did... did the 'nerds' become successful? The assholes never making it past co-manager at Wallmart? I'm dying to know.

Thanks guys.

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

pj: when you found the one you are now very happily married to (I truly envy you), did you know from the beginning that she was perfect for you? If so, how? What told you that you found your soul-mate? This is of particular concern/interest to me at the present time.
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Are you sure, pj? I've taken hours before to compose posts (you know, break for dinner, phone calls, etc...) and that's never happened to me.

Re - am I sure? All I'm saying is it's happened to me and I've been able to recover from the cache when it has happened. Could be... don't know for sure.

Re: finding my wife...

I fell in love with my wife before ever seeing her face. We got hooked up on the phone, and by the third conversation with her I was head over heels. Even then, we waited more than a year before getting engaged.

The "lust buzz" faded, as it always does, though it lasted a very long time for us - a lot longer than any prior relationship. We've had a couple ups and downs over the years, getting synchronized and settling on ways to deal with things, but through it all we have both made the conscious decision to love one another and honor the promises we made. And as we choose to love, love grows.

It's an easy mistake to think the chemical fireworks of first meeting somebody is love. It's amazing and exciting, but it isn't really love. It isn't even close. Love is way better, but it doesn't happen all by itself. It is a commitment. It is a choice. And like all good things, it requires attention and work.

Originally Posted by CoLd BlooDed

You know, that's something I've already learned at my age. Is that good or bad?

It is fantastic. I wish I was mature and intelligent enough to have figured that out about a decade or so earlier.

Anyways, another question... what happened to all the friends you ever met in high school? Did you keep in contact? If you did... did the 'nerds' become successful? The assholes never making it past co-manager at Wallmart? I'm dying to know.

I just spent the day with two friends from high school - one who accompanied us through the Memorial Day services and attending to grave markers, and another couple who spent the whole afternoon with us. Of all the people I associated with back then, these friends have stuck, and I treasure them as much or more than many I have biological ties with.

Others... many, sadly, are dead. That was the nature of the crowd I hung with. Others are in prison - one who I do stay in touch with and visit from time to time. Yes, the few "nerds" (which wasn't a term I knew back then) I am still aware of have been very successful. Several of the "plain" girls have become late-blooming beauties, and many of the to-die-for beauties have not aged well at all.

Of them all, these three I spent today with and the one I visit in prison are the only ones I call 'friends'. I would lay my life down for any of them, and I know they would do the same for me. The rest... I really only notice them occasionally in passing because I still live in the same city.

I was one of the assholes, by the way. Stoned, belligerent and dishonest - all the qualities you'd look for in somebody to despise.

Originally Posted by pj

I was one of the assholes, by the way. Stoned, belligerent and dishonest - all the qualities you'd look for in somebody to despise.

Well, I hope you didn't take that the wrong way. It wasn't intentional.

And thanks for your reply.

Originally Posted by CoLd BlooDed

Well, I hope you didn't take that the wrong way. It wasn't intentional.

And thanks for your reply.

You're welcome, and of course I didn't take it the wrong way.

Funny thing about assholes... some of them do come around. That's why I still stay in touch with the guy in prison. I have hope for him... and he is a stark reminder of where I was heading.

Wow.. there's so much to reply to!

Originally Posted by pj

Clairity... I spent two years a while back helping somebody get to the point where she was able to leave an identical situation. It was almost like reading her story to read yours, and I've heard it from others too. There is a bizarre methodology to that kind of abuse. It becomes a vicious cycle that the abuser controls. Cutting off friends and family is an essential part of it. Crushing the will and questioning the sanity of the one being abused is part of it. Rising up from that prison - and that is EXACTLY what it is - and fleeing takes tremendous courage, especially after years of having somebody systematically tearing down every shred of your self-confidence. Bravo. I am in awe of you, lady.

Thanks so much pj .. but honestly I did it more for my son than myself. I didn't want him to think that "loving" a women gives you license to call her a bitch (or worse).. or that hitting her proves how "deeply" you love her. My ex learned these things from his father and I was NOT going to pass that legacy down to my son.

Originally Posted by Moonbeam

The worst thing that ever happened to me was finding my sister after she killed herself, and the after effects on my family. She had a two year old, my niece, who is now 22. After 20 years I can still hardly bring myself to talk about it, and very rarely do. I bring it up to say that, as horrible as it was, it caused a change in me that completely turned my life. It the brought the rest of my family closer. Good things can come out of even the worst events. I didn't want to say that, because I feel like it is saying that there are good things about her death, but it is something to remember during bad times.

Moonbeam, take a second to close your eyes .. you'll feel my hug.

Originally Posted by Oneironaught

pj: when you found the one you are nowvery happily married to (I truly envy you), did you know from the beginning that she was perfect for you? If so, how? What told you that you found your soul-mate? This is of particular concern/interest to me at the present time.

I know you asked this question of pj, but I feel the need to answer it as well. I've been with my husband now for over 15 years and to be honest.. my previous marriage as bad as it was.. helped me to find and appreciate the man I'm with now. There's nothing like a horrible marriage to help you discover what's important in a life mate! It's not looks, it's not money, it's not social standing.. it's none of that. I would never have considered my second husband if not for my first.

I think what helped with me is that I got to know my husband at work.. it's as though God knew I needed a good man and he set him literally right in front of me (his desk was across from mine). By getting to know him at work (and not at a club or somewhere else where people put on a front to impress or hookup), I saw how he was with his co-workers, with his friends.. on his good days and his bad.. in other words I got to see the "true" him.

He's younger than me, he's a different race than myself, he's a different faith than myself and, with all those differences.. he took on a women who had been battered and bruised, who'd had her confidence shattered and who had a toddler and not much else. On our first date, he came to the house, I opened the door, took him to my son's room and said, "this is my son.. he's been through a lot and HE is the most important thing in my life.. decide now if you can handle that". He looked at my sleeping son and then back at me and we've been together since that moment on. He stood with me through more than you can imagine. I've learned that what matters most for me in a life partner .. is does he make me feel good about myself when he's with me (and when he's not). Does he make me laugh and does he laugh with me. Can I talk to him about what's bothering me and does he really listen and at least try to understand. My husband went from having no children and no one to worry about but himself, to having a ready made family and he didn't miss a beat. Damn, I love him..

Originally Posted by CoLd BlooDed

Anyways, another question... what happened to all the friends you ever met in high school? Did you keep in contact? If you did... did the 'nerds' become successful? The assholes never making it past co-manager at Wallmart? I'm dying to know.
Thanks guys.

I lost contact with everyone from high school. Once I graduated, I left high school and them in my past and never looked back.

Originally Posted by pj

I was one of the assholes, by the way. Stoned, belligerent and dishonest - all the qualities you'd look for in somebody to despise.

Who would have thought it from reading your posts. Time and maturity can change people (if they let it) and you are proof of that. I think you're one of the gentlest, most sincere, most caring people posting on Dream Views.

.

He's younger than me, he's a different race than myself, he's a different faith than myself and, with all those differences.. he took on a women who had been battered and bruised, who'd had her confidence shattered and who had a toddler and not much else. On our first date, he came to the house, I opened the door, took him to my son's room and said, "this is my son.. he's been through a lot and HE is the most important thing in my life.. decide now if you can handle that". He looked at my sleeping son and then back at me and we've been together since that moment on. He stood with me through more than you can imagine. I've learned that what matters most for me in a life partner .. is does he make me feel good about myself when he's with me (and when he's not). Does he make me laugh and does he laugh with me. Can I talk to him about what's bothering me and does he really listen and at least try to understand. My husband went from having no children and no one to worry about but himself, to having a ready made family and he didn't miss a beat. Damn, I love him..

Wow Clairity, that is amazing. And inspirational. Props to your husband.

Originally Posted by Mes Tarrant

Wow Clairity, that is amazing. And inspirational. Props to your husband.

Yep.. he's definately a keeper!

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On our first date, he came to the house, I opened the door, took him to my son's room and said, "this is my son.. he's been through a lot and HE is the most important thing in my life.. decide now if you can handle that". He looked at my sleeping son and then back at me and we've been together since that moment on.

Well, this is starting MY day off all choked up.

Talk about having your priorities in order and being honest with yourself and others. And look what it got you!

Originally Posted by CoLd BlooDed

And let me just say, I feel for you both Clairity and Pj. Any sort of loss or abuse is difficult.

... here I am thinking that no one else has gone through stuff like me, but indeed there are people who've experienced worse and recovered less.

Anyways, another question... what happened to all the friends you ever met in high school? Did you keep in contact? If you did... did the 'nerds' become successful? The assholes never making it past co-manager at Wallmart? I'm dying to know.

Be careful with your words, or at least be aware of life and all of its unexpected twists and turns. Fate, destiny, horrific events and loss can happen to anyone at any level without warning. More people have experienced pain and loss than you can ever imagine. I left my marriage because I was being beaten and raped, repeatedly. In front of my children. Not a topic for this thread.

The kids from highschool, all became and failed to become random things. Who you think will be all high and mighty, some did and some didn't. All you thought were losers, most are, some aren't. The guys who you think are dorky or plain looking... some still are and some are absolutely gorgeous. I am sorry to say this, but all the trival bullshit in highschool, is indeed pointless as Moonbeam said. The only thing that sticks, are the TRUE friendships made. Not the huge circle of friends, but the few honest and good ones, they remain. But they remain with the efforts of you both. Keep those, they will last a lifetime if you want them too. The rest of the 'hip' crowd... pffttt, whatever. Have fun, this is the time to do so.

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Originally Posted by Oneironaught

pj: when you found the one you are now very happily married to (I truly envy you), did you know from the beginning that she was perfect for you? If so, how? What told you that you found your soul-mate? This is of particular concern/interest to me at the present time.

I know I am not pj, but... I was young, too young, when I got married. I say "too young" meaning not so much 'age' as emotionally young. I thought I knew what love was, I thought that I knew my husband, but I didn't, or at least he changed in horrible ways from the person I married. I was 23 and he was 24. Be sure that you want to be married for the right reasons, not just because you want to be 'married'. How do you 'know' ? Hmm.. some people will say "you just know", but I am not sure I can honestly say that. I believe you take risks, and you have to weigh in those risks and decide if it is something that you are willingly going into knowing that it takes work. Lots and lots of work, to keep a marriage together. It isn't all fairytales and glass slippers. You get to see the VERY ugly side of your partner, and they get to see yours too. Can you handle that? Will you stick it out and help them, selflessly.. when you have no energy left at all in your body, will you still do your best to show and give love so that they will someday return the favor, even if you can't see that day yet?

Soulmate... is a very romantic word. I use it alot in poetry, as do 99% of writers. But when you use it in real life, watch out for the "Hallmark" trap!! Relationships can be dripping with romance and excitement, but it isn't like that ALL the time, and a 'soulmate' isn't necessarily what one thinks they are, in my opinion. I think a soulmate takes on many forms... a lover, a best friend, a pet who never lets you down when you come home from work, a random stranger who you meet only briefly but you immediately connect with on some level. I believe in multiple soulmates who serve random purposes. It's a great word, a great concept but don't base your life on 'finding a soulmate'.. they come to you, more often then you realize.

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As for a personal note on love... I believe in it, I do. I know I will never marry again, just as a personal choice. I have 4 young children and that is just too much for a man to take on, too much of a ready-made family. Plus they have seen much, they have seen their mother hit and abused and I just cant put them through the risks a relationship has on it right now. Maybe after they all are out of school (the youngest are the twins, almost 4yrs old) I will consider a relationship, but until then, no.

Originally Posted by Burns

So... how did your family cope through the Depression? j/k

Originally Posted by pj

You asked about my family, and I can actually answer that. (I just spent the whole morning with my folks, who were teens during the Great Depression. They would certainly qualify as family!)

My dad's folks came from Sicily in the early teens. Dad was born in Detroit in 1918, during the monstrous flu epidemic. Like many of his generation, he has two birthdays - the day he was actually born on the kitchen table, and the day he was taken to the hospital for his birth certificate.

My grandfather was a shoemaker in Sicily, and the hard times they left behind made Depression era Detroit still look pretty good. Grandpa had become a pattern maker for Henry Ford, and was one of the fortunate few who held his job to some degree through the 1930's. As a result, there was always bread and pasta, and their home was open to the neighborhood. Anybody who was hungry could go there for a meal. They raised chickens, made Dago Red wine, made their own beer, and in general did all right.

Being a kid in Depression-era Detroit was an amazing thing. The Mafia and the Purple Gang were battling it out over the "trade routes" for Canadian whiskey, and Detroit was the center of it all with Windsor being right across the river. My dad became a pool hustler - the "straight guy" who would get a game started before the shark came in. They were all "rum runners," and saw more than their share of excitement as a result.

My mom's world was very different. The depression hit the Copper Country of Michigan's upper peninsula very heard. She was sent to Detroit to live with relatives who were faring better, and as a result met my dad.

My folks wll tell you that being teenagers in the depression was happy and interesting, and that they were much more content than kids today living what can only be seen from their perspective as lavish and decadent lifestyles. They had little and expected less and were grateful for every meal and the roof over their heads. They had a strong sense of community and found ways to enjoy and celebrate life without spending money they didn't have.

That's how my family fared during the Great Depression.

heh, my reply was kinda meant as a "old geezer" joke about how you and your parents fared through the Depression, but fair enough.

My great grandma (now deceased) lived through the Depression and she and her family never used banks again. We found piles and piles of money hidden all over the house after she died and we had to clean it out. Under mattresses, in ceiling rafters, old boxes, even hidden under the kitchen tablecloth! They just never trusted banks with their money again after they lost everything.

MercurialDream, there is just so much truth in your posting. I want to thank you for trusting us enough to share so much of your personal history. You're a perfect example of "what doesn't kill us.. only makes us stronger". You lady.. are one hell of a strong woman.

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This is the side of DV that has kept me here, seeing people who aren't afraid to be real. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories with us

I'm only 22 and came from a very loving family. My parents will have been married 30 years come September and for that I consider myself very blessed. It really wasn't until I went to college and started meeting people from different walks of life before I realized just how blessed my life truly is. I've never been abused (physically or verbally), my parents are still together, I have three wonderful siblings (though I wish we were a bit closer), and I've never had to worry about going hungry or where I was going to sleep at night.

I share this for those of you who are having a hard time believing that such a life is possible. My life may not be all daisies and roses, but it is possible, despite all obstacles, to raise a healthy family even in the world today. Too many people see what lies before them and wonder if life really is worth living any more. It is, but only if you're willing to open your eyes and live long enough to see it.

Thanks for sharing, Clairity, pj, Mecurial Dream, and everyone else.

Originally Posted by MercurialDream

I know I am not pj, but... I was young, too young, when I got married. I say "too young" meaning not so much 'age' as emotionally young. I thought I knew what love was, I thought that I knew my husband, but I didn't, or at least he changed in horrible ways from the person I married. I was 23 and he was 24. Be sure that you want to be married for the right reasons, not just because you want to be 'married'. How do you 'know' ? Hmm.. some people will say "you just know", but I am not sure I can honestly say that. I believe you take risks, and you have to weigh in those risks and decide if it is something that you are willingly going into knowing that it takes work. Lots and lots of work, to keep a marriage together. It isn't all fairytales and glass slippers. You get to see the VERY ugly side of your partner, and they get to see yours too. Can you handle that? Will you stick it out and help them, selflessly.. when you have no energy left at all in your body, will you still do your best to show and give love so that they will someday return the favor, even if you can't see that day yet?

Soulmate... is a very romantic word. I use it alot in poetry, as do 99% of writers. But when you use it in real life, watch out for the "Hallmark" trap!! Relationships can be dripping with romance and excitement, but it isn't like that ALL the time, and a 'soulmate' isn't necessarily what one thinks they are, in my opinion. I think a soulmate takes on many forms... a lover, a best friend, a pet who never lets you down when you come home from work, a random stranger who you meet only briefly but you immediately connect with on some level. I believe in multiple soulmates who serve random purposes. It's a great word, a great concept but don't base your life on 'finding a soulmate'.. they come to you, more often then you realize.

You may not be pj but I still value your words and I thank you for your response. I'm a dreamer. I want so bad for some one to be manufactured to my liking. I want so much for there to be some one who thinks as I do and who values the same things as I. I know that person is out there but, where? Alright, so I sound like a whiny baby; I'm OK with that. I know what I want just not where or how to get it.

The main reason I posed my question is because a very special member of Dreamviews has made me reconsider my position in live. They have shown me that maybe my lack of faith for others is somewhat misguided and unfair. And maybe, just maybe, my special some one isn't as far away as I once thought. I'm just afraid and uncertain about what will become of my current pursuits or even if my efforts are being properly directed and focused.

Aw hell, never mind me. I'm just rambling at this point. I'm so damned confused right now.