Hey cenedra - Welcome
I've experienced a shared dream with my wife too - mostly from her end.
I have my own explanation of shared dreams, but I find it interesting that it happens largely in a nightmare for you
It may have a lot to do with the intense emotions you experience in such a dream?
Anyway, not to bore you but heres a attempted summary at my theories on the matter.
Genuine shared dreams essentially imply a form of telepathy. As such, having experienced a shared dream myself, I believe in telepathy.
Your mind&brain works as a collection of intertwined association of thoughts, feelings and beliefs of your past experiences.
This means that everyone may have a slightly different concept of what the colour red 'feels' like
One may feel it means violence and bloodshed, another may see it as love and romance.
What this all means then, is that shared dreams are easier to achieve with those that you know and understand intimately
You are then able to communicate and understand their feelings of the world, and understanding of it. When they thing 'red', you get the right effect. When they see a bloody corpse next to a stop sign, you understand why, and how. Your mind doesnt fight to turn it into a rose with a grave.
The more you understand the person, the more likely shared dreams can succeed.
That being said, shared dreaming is generally quite difficult to achieve, and is usually a random occurence.
My case was a little different, in that my wife actually 'intruded' on my dreams - intentionally. She woke up early in the night, and decided to WILD her way into my dreams. And suprisingly, it worked
I was completely blown away at the event
Anyway, thats my take, and story
Could you perhaps elaborate on any interesting shared dreams? Or small inconsistencies, or misunderstandings between the two sides of the story? (eg. I had one tiny discrepancy in ours)
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