solaetia

I knew a very friendly cat with reddish/orange fur. I think she lived in a shelter, other cats were around too, and maybe other animals. I can’t remember. Some people around me were trying to do something with cotton balls, some kind of kickstarter project. They were inspired by cat to make red fur from cotton balls. The process was to comb through a cotton ball until it was strands and then dye it red and sell it by the bag. We all thought it was a brilliant idea, although can’t remember what we thought people would want with w bag full of red cotton.

More red: A red-haired guy gave me a ride home. He seemed creepy, in a pushy way. He wanted to come in to my place for some reason, and i think I let him, maybe to go to the toilet or something. Then wanted to stay longer and I told him to leave. I remember he had a weird smile on his face as I basically forced him out of my front door.

I was at my mom’s house (random made-up dream home) My uncle was there and we were talking. I saw a crow, wanted to feed it peanuts. I told my uncle to hold on while I went inside to get some nuts. I grabbed some, and I was holding them up in my hand so I could show the crow that I had some nuts to feed it. My uncle was laughing at me, and he took a nut and said, ‘Here’s how you do it!’ and threw it at the crow. I was angry because I thought he scared the bird and was being rude.

I had a friend– sometimes her hair was red, sometimes she was a blonde. She was a newish friend, and I felt I didn’t trust her completely although we were spending a lot of time together. At one point, I was in the back of a cab, she was on my right and my husband on my left. They seemed to be getting along well. I was considering the fact that I don’t drink anymore, and they both do. I felt that my husband probably thinks this friend is more exciting than me.

I was going to move back in with my mom for some reason, work related I think. My husband was now some guy I had only been dating for about a month. Up until now we both lived in a house we shared with other people. I wasn’t sure this guy even really liked me that much, the relationship was new, and I think the guy had a reputation for dating lots of women before me. This friend was moving in to this house when I left, I was not happy about this. I was trying to have a discussion with this friend about how I felt about her moving in. Friend was polyamorous and acting like I was being unreasonable and prudish. Right before I woke up I was deciding that I just needed to break things off guy because none of this was worth it.

I was in car with my mother— she was driving and we were on freeway. She was driving erratically, and I asked her if she could slow down. She said she drives slow.
I told her i felt afraid, and said I always have dreams with her driving and we wreck. [Good chance to be lucid here, but did not. I think we actually wrecked.]

I was eating a salad from a white cardboard to go box, and I saw what I had thought was black pepper move and realized that they were little bugs. I discreetly chewed the last bite and closed the box so no one would know I had been eating bugs.

My husband and I had a giant house with too much furniture all over. Many couches, beds, tables in random places. It seemed some of this furniture belonged to other people who were at our house for some gathering that day. At the end of the day people began collecting their furniture and leaving. An old acquaintance, ‘O’ was missing her nice large table. I apologized, but she was ok, and she said she could take this other smaller table instead. I said ok. I was anxious to clean up the house because I thought it could look really nice.

My husband was seeing someone else. We were polyamorous but I was unhappy. He and a woman and some other friends went to comedy show without me. I was devastated.
Walking down street trying to get to apt 4 at night. Raining? My best friend from high school [C] was my roommate but moving back to Europe with a grant to write something. We never talked although we lived together.

I was at a class– Spelling? Woman with baby used buzzer instead if clapping for asking questions. My husband and his girlfriend were in class before me
I told his gf how unhappy I was after I talked to my husband and asked him if it had to be this way. No one cared about my feelings.

My dog was locked in a room. It had a glass window, like recording booth. I somehow got her out and she turned into a large grey spider. I wanted her to change back, so I held onto her. Someone else there saw her and recognized bug as a 'world burther.'

Thought I saw my husband in a red [unreadable] with a baby going, to a show in a crowd of people. I ran up and hugged him but it wasn't him.

A strange man told me to come to the show to watch out for my husband. I began thinking I might divorce him. I thought about asking my parents if I could move in with them. I thought about how I was a burden to my parents.

I checked into a hotel where I knew my husband had a room already. It was late and dark inside the hotel. It was closed for the night. A night clerk said they had 6 rooms left and asked me what kind I wanted. I went upstairs to let myself into my husband’s room while they were getting my room ready. Husband wasn’t in his room so I went back downstairs.

I was standing outside the hotel waiting for Mom to fly in to town. I saw a plane crash and land on it’s wing, then it tipped over upside down. I heard people screaming inside plane. I was worried my Mom was on that flight. Then I heard her screaming. I started running towards the plane and then saw that she was coming from the hotel and she was ok.

I was working on the layout of an old newspaper and the image of a man at a radio station talking into a mic appeared. He said he had been working at this station since 1865 under the title of ‘Father of the House.’ I remember thinking he didn’t look that old, maybe only 45.

I was working at the cafe, very busy section towards the front of the house.
Two women together ordered food, changed tables while waiting on food so I had trouble finding them at first. One of the women told me she hadn’t ordered this dish: it was a baking pan of 4 enchilada-shaped objects wrapped in what looked like blue plastic. It was called ‘the Four Plastics’ and I remembered her ordering it but I didn’t argue. She said she had ordered the ‘Rhubarb Salad. Lots of detailed activity happened that I don’t remember well now- fumbling with computer and ordering food, fumbling at cash register and fumbling getting people checks. I was at the cash register and I could see a girl in my section was out of water. I grabbed a pitcher and I walked over to her. She was a regular (dream- but she seemed to be a younger female version of a waking life regular I used to know) and she had a drink when I got to her table. She said it was an accident that she gestured towards me, that she had been doing some kind of experiment/magic. She was only 19, had long auburn hair, giant round glasses, and an awkward face. She was nice, but very strange. I felt bad for her, and wanted to find a way to help her grow into herself, specifically initially helping her to speak in a more eloquent manner. But I didn’t say anything. I listened to her tell me and some other people how she was tiring about going to a costume party, but that she would probably stay at home and dress up at her place alone. Maybe as a tomato? I can’t remember.
We had a new chef and a new [manager?] at the cafe. They were loyal to each other.

I had a small black puppy with me behind bar at one point. It was scrambling in my arms and ran around behind the bar and up to the top to greet some customers.

At one point there was an ex president visiting. He was of an asian background and he lived in this town that the cafe waist now that he was retired. His daughter worked at the cafe. They had been eating and listening to audiobooks that we rented out- a long series of perhaps 12 titles, all written on his receipt that he handed me at the cash register when he walked up. Initially he told me, ‘Don’t freak out…’ when he walked up. I told him I was remaining relaxed. One of the titles had the word phantom in it. I had trouble ringing them up but I did the best I could. A woman manger came up to me later and told me to organize them in a better way. I told her I wasn’t sure how- but she shoved the receipt into my chest and walked away.

I don’t remember it happening, but my husband had left me. I had moved on to an ex from long ago and he had left me as well. Then I had moved on to yet another ex, and we had been living in an old apartment similar to one we actually lived in in real life. We had issues and then we decided to stay together but get different apartments. I found one that was slightly cheaper at $640/month in the same complex. He eventually left me too. I remember feeling sad that everyone seemed to leave me, that something must be wrong with me.
I woke up (false) on my bed with my jeans and t-shirt on. I couldn’t recall going to bed, thought I must have bee really tired and just passed out when I came home from work. As I laid there, I looked up and could see a bunch of bikes hanging around me, and a bike part on my bed. Then I saw my mom through a window in my bedroom door. She came in and I told her that my ex had left me. I told her I already had my own place, and she seemed to be trying to help me plan my future, saying, ‘That’s not so bad…’ about the price of the apartment. I felt sad about living in this city again, didn’t want to be there. She was giving me $160 for my birthday. I told her I wanted a bike.

My apartment was a the foothills of some mountains. In the valley there was a large river. It was beautiful, though I didn’t acknowledge it in the dream. To the southwest , and n the opposite side of the river, was another range of mountains, and one structure in particular looked like a giant rock monster. I imagined him as a mythological being, that sometime woke up and ran through the valley, creating the river bed. He seemed slightly scary.


Thoughts:
I think I’m subconsciously afraid that I am not treating my husband well enough and fear him leaving me. I think this fear is valid but not really applicable, as we have great communication and things are good with us. I think this comes from general anxiety within my self about many things in my life. The cafe dreams are definitely a reoccurring theme, and I suppose I feel like I am struggling to keep up with things and making too many mistakes. Again I think it comes from a general anxiety, maybe specifically over my career.

An environmental catastrophe was about to happen to the Earth. Humans were aware of this, and there was a system installed in which we all had to wait for our name to be called (sometimes in groups, sometimes alone) and step aboard a small asteroid-like rock that floated nearby a cliff. The asteroid was like a disposable mini-rocket, and as it launched off with each group, it begin slowly disintegrating until the people aboard would fall to the ground and die, or be injured and die later. It was terrible, but not very real-feeling. I watched a friend die, then came my turn, and I woke up before I died.

I fell back asleep and entered a similar scenario, only this time it felt more real. I was living in a 'Fall-Out' type village, with very few amenities and maybe 50 people at most. We were under the control of another group of humans, like a military or militia. We had a local stand where a guy sold things like cigarettes, food, drink, drugs, etc. There was a man who delivered small amounts of rations regularly. I saw some soldiers going into some of the other homes on the compound and I knew the end was coming soon, they were going to take us away, and some [vague] bad thing was going to happen. During one moment I seemed to be playing the role of a child, although I also had my current dog, Cayna. I heard that the soldiers weren't allowing animals to come along and I began to panic. I knew I couldn't leave Cayna behind. She would starve. I knew she had been abandoned before and I dreaded the idea of putting her through that again, at my hands. I was leaving the home I shared with other people and I think I told a woman and her 2 kids that I had a dog and I was so sad to be made to leave it. I asked her if she was ready to leave too, and she said they were staying, because they have a cat, and if you sleep outside with your pet you can stay. I was thrilled and went to get my mother [random woman in dream, not real mom]. I saw her in the back of a car being driven away. I cried for her and she looked back and seemed to be crying out in pain of leaving me behind.

I had Cayna though, and now I seemed to be back to my regular age because my husband was with me. I knew sooner or later we would be forced to commit mass suicide. I felt an enormous amount of dread. I thought, 'This is the worst possible ways things could end.' I wondered about Cayna again, and how she would survive without us. I thought she would have plenty to eat for a while—the left behind food and corpses...but then something convinced me that her death would be horrible if I let her live and I began to wonder if the safest thing to do for her was also poison her when we had to poison ourselves. My heart hurt; how could this be happening? I thought wouldn't it be wonderful if somehow, right before the and that someone said we didn't have to die after all? We could go on living! I felt a sting of hope rise and die quickly. I looked at my husband who was teary-eyed as well and told him that maybe the best thing for Cayna in the end would be to take her with us. He cringed and seemed to emote that he didn't want to talk about it. I said, 'I understand but I just wanted to say it now so when the time comes we had talked about it.'

Some time went by. We were outside this entire conversation, my husband and I. He suddenly told me to hold still and he began plucking at something on top of my head. He plucked off a ladybug -still attached to some of my hair- that he said had burrowed itself into my head/hair.

Thoughts:
I had some allergy issues right before bed, and my throat felt tight, felt itchy, and it felt a little hard to breathe. I've had allergy induced asthma before and it wasn't that bad, but I decided to take a Benedryl to relieve my symptoms. My husband spends lots of time playing Fall Out 4 lately, and I think the post-apocalyptic town was designed with that in mind. I have been a little worried about my dog. She is aging, and I wonder if I am giving her the absolute best care that I could be. Do I exercise her too hardly when we run? Do I feed her too much? etc. I found it interesting as I typed it out that my worries about abandoning my dog turned into me playing a child being 'abandoned' by my [dream]mother. I'm not sure what that means though.