Schmaven's Dream Journal of Randomness

The slapping part is in red.

Riding my bicycle to work at night, I get too close to a police trap and trigger a bunch of flashing lights and end up with a police SUV tailing me on my bicycle. I make sure I do everything according to the rules of bike traffic, and glance at my cell phone to check the time as I wait for the crosswalk signal to flash "Walk". All this hassle works, and the police leave me alone. Phew.

Walking into work, it's my first day on the job, but I know where my cube is. Only it's down a long hallway, with lots of wooden desks and chairs in the way. Climbing over them, crawling under others, I greet a few new co-workers as I make my way past. One of them tells me about Bob who always mistakes people for other things as they climb over the desks.

Finally arriving at my desk in a little cubicle, I try to clock in on the computer really quickly, I'm already 18 minutes past 3. Even though I don't yet have a work schedule, I feel like I should have been there earlier. I enter my login ID, and type the password too quickly, making a mistake. As I attempt to correct it, the manager's secretary approaches me and places her hand on my keyboard telling me, "We're firing you".
"It's my first day, why are you firing me?"
"You'll have to ask the owner." She says matter of factly before she takes a step back from my desk. I just quit a stable job because my friend works here and really enjoys it. I start to think I quit too soon, and think about how to get reinstated at my old job.

She then motions for me to follow her as she is escorting me off the premises. "I would like to speak with the owner" I tell her as we near the main office area. She opens the door to a large office with "Harry" written on the door. Harry looks really pissed off: red faced, sort of sweating, jittery with rage. "Why are you firing me?" I ask sincerely looking for any reason.
"Because you were screwing around on your phone!"
"But I didn't even use my phone!"
"Well, I tried to call you before you got to work and you didn't answer"
I think back to my trip to work, and remember when I checked the time, I had no missed calls. And also, when I got to my desk, there were still no missed calls. Humoring his reason, even though it is a lie, I tell him that, "Sometimes the traffic is loud when I'm riding my bike next to the road. How can I get fired for that?"

He walks right up to me and slaps me hard across my face. I am a bit surprised, and look back at him with wide eyes. He slaps me again! "How is this making me want to keep my job?" I ask him, only to get another slap. I just take it like a champion boxer because I would like to keep this job, and the odds of doing so would be really low if I retaliated. I stare at him, waiting for an answer, only to get punched square in the nose, then again in the forehead. Tired of being a human punching bag after taking another punch to the jaw, I tell him, "Fine, I'm leaving" and walk out of his office.

While attaching my bike bags, and pant straps to get ready to bike home, I overhear the secretary tell the owner that they can't just fire me like that. I would first have to temporarily suspended, then allowed a second chance. Encouraged, I turn back to the front desk and see both the secretary and Harry behind safety glass like at a ticket booth. Harry is ignoring me, and the secretary asks me, "What do you want?"
"I'd like to speak with Harry" I tell her. She gestures for me to walk over to his side of the desk. 'This is the first time in my life I've appreciated safety glass' I think as I walk up to Harry.

Contemplating how to get him to work with me rather than against me I tell him, "So that we're on the same page here, I'm just suspended temporarily right? Not fired?" He nods in agreement, then tells me I still have a job. I realize he must be afraid I'll sue him and the company for firing me, or at least for the beating he just gave me. I don't plan on it, I just want to have a job so I can buy food.

Feeling like I've now got an Ace up my sleeve, and immunity from being fired, I ride my bike back home.

Arriving home, my house is in a large parking lot, with a highway overpass going above it, just next to the front door. Someone in the parking lot asks me how I am able to get any sleep, and what it's like living so close to the road. "I don't hear it at all when I'm inside" I tell them as I sort through my key chain looking for my house key to go inside.