Bubble

As I fall asleep, I meditate on my mantra and what awareness means.

#1 - Many dream fragments and incomplete dreams. I hover on the edge of lucidity during many of them, but they aren't cohesive enough and I never attain lucidity.

I wake up, and I'm very hot. I still have a fever. I peel off my socks and turn my thermostat down.
I attempt WILD. As REM atonia sets in - much more swiftly than I was expecting - I hear a great deal of loud static and what sounds like a modem dialing. I come very close to entering a dream several times but fail - for whatever reason - and lapse into regular sleep.


#2 - I have a dream about a castle that floats up in the sky. In my dream, I see a far-off view of the underside in a sunny sky full of puffy clouds. There is vegetation hanging from it. In the center of it there is something like a spire but instead of being like a castle it's like a skyscraper. I realize that this island is dominated by a small but elite group of people and everybody else on there toils for their benefit.

Then, I'm on the castle. I'm running around trying to get to the central courtyard or something, I'm not sure. But the whole thing is ledges with no railing and bridges that don't go anywhere. In the back of my mind, I think, "I wonder if I jumped over the edge, if I would fly or if this dream would end?" I realize that - of course - I'm dreaming. I immediately lift off and fly past all of the ridiculous fake bridges.

I land in an archway that leads to a hallway and begin to walk down it. I realize I'd like to visit the "home base", a location I've been trying to create. I see an archway that has heavy double wooden doors set into it with ornate handles, and I decide that I will use it as a doorway to get where I would like to go.

I pull on the heavy handles, and the doors swing open. Inside is my base - or, at least, a room that has many of its key features. They have been heavily altered, however, or some things are just missing. Part of it, I think, was to fit the castle theme - rather than my comfortable lounge, it looks more like a castle kitchen. I also notice that the fire in my fireplace is out. I try to light it by snapping my fingers, but it doesn't work. Not a big deal, I decide - I can breathe fire (obviously). I'll just start the fire that way.

I crouch down on the hearth (whose bricks are "wrong" but I decide it's nothing I can't fix with a little effort) and begin to breathe on the fire. There's nothing but air coming out of my mouth, at first. I focus on the sensation of the air passing through my lips and imagine that the blowing noise is getting louder. The air now has a yellow tinge, and the ash in the fireplace begins to stir. I focus on the yellow tinge in the air and it becomes brighter and glows more. Embers begin glowing in the fireplace. I blow on them harder, and they spread and bloom. The fire doesn't roar to life - it begins to slowly spread and grow like a real fire would.

I decide I would like something to eat. I'm not able to summon anything directly, so instead I call to a servant (they are there but I don't turn to look at them) and telepathically tell them that I would like some food. I consciously opted for telepathy because I was getting the sensation that the lucid dream was getting "thin" and if I attempted to speak to them out loud I would do so in real life and wake myself up. It didn't matter either way, since once they walked away, the dream began to fade. I wake up.

#3 - I dream about a group of high-schoolers, sort of Breakfast Bunchy, except they also have a little girl (a toddler) with them. Sometimes I'm one of them, and sometimes I'm just watching. They live in an apartment complex or condos or something and are wandering around outside in a storm. It's storming heavily but they don't seem to mind the rain, although they periodically lose the toddler and have to keep looking for her. They decide that they would like to go to the beach during this storm.

One of them, a guy with blond hair, says he needs to take care of some business first. The others don't know it but he's actually an assassin and has been working as one since he was 16, and he needs to check his secret base for something. While they're waiting, he gets completely sidetracked. His love-interest goes looking for him and stumbles across his base. Inside is a TV screen with another guy on it (he is hideously ugly) who is a rival assassin who wants to kill the guy... he manages to press through the TV screen and emerge from it physically. The woman starts throwing pottery at him, but stops short at a set of antique vases because she doesn't want to bust them.

The other high schoolers finally find the hideout. One of them is irritated because the storm is now nearly over. Blond assassin guy also finally shows up again. The whole scene ends up with all of the high schoolers in there, throwing pottery at the bad guy. Even the toddler.

After he's defeated, the whole place is full of clothing racks and everybody begins trying on clothing. I'm watching but I'm also the love-interest girl and I am trying to fit into a sweater but the sleeves are too small to fit my hands through (I highly suspect I was trying to punch through my blanket at this point). He helps by unbuttoning the sleeves and helping me work my hands through them.

I wake up. I'm still hot. I turn the thermostat down more.

Continuation of the previous dream - I'm with blond assassin guy and we're driving a very long distance to his family's home in the countryside. I'm talking about getting a Master's degree and a school I would like to attend in France, but I'm worried about the cost of tuition. We arrive at the house and see that it is perched on the edge of a canyon. I run down the steep incline to see what's at the bottom. When I look up, the guy is gone.

I don't know where he's went, but 2 people (hunters) are approaching me, and one of them has a ridiculous "hillbilly" accent. The girl (I've gone to 3rd person again) seems worried that they will try to ask her out and tells them that she can only interact with other people if she has won some clothing. They agree to help her win something.

Clearly, the way to win a prize is to hunt a bear, and the way to hunt a bear is to bounce up and down in a giant net. The 2 hunters tie the net to some trees and use it to propel the girl up into the air, where she waves at and taunts the bear. This pisses the bear off to no end, so it charges at the net. The bear gets tangled up in the net and they vanquish it. Once defeated, the bear transforms into a small pile of First Aid kits. They rifle through the kits looking for clothing, but only find an inflatable bed and a bunch of nonsensical instruction booklets.

#4 - I dream I live in an apartment complex but also a hospital. I live on the 6th or 7th floor, and all of floor 4 is designated for heart attack victims and full of nurses. The maintenance staff has deposited a bunch of bizarre looking furniture outside all of the apartment doors except mine. I'm irritated that I didn't receive any furniture so I run around stealing everybody else's.

Goals:
- Continue ADA and mindfulness on daily basis, as energy levels and attention span allow
- Daily journal updates, in particular, also seem to help
- I need to engage with my environment more

April 30, 2003:
More bad dreams last night. I really hate the vibes in this apartment, and this time Abby wasn't there to make me feel better. I mean, when you wake up from a nightmare, the first thing you want to do is hug something soft, particularly something that purrs when you hug it. I don't really remember what they were, only that I woke up worried. I'm not sure what I was worried about in particular, because I can't really remember the dreams. Something about corrupt cops, but I don't know if that was the focus of the dream or just a minor detail.

June 5, 2003:
First, I had this dream with a lot of fighting. And mud. And blood. Lots and lots of blood. When I woke up, I nearly puked. Thank God the details are blurry now.

Then I had a dream about some dark, musty place... like a basement, or a dungeon, or something... there was a lot of broken boards and wood piled up in one corner... there may have been a tiny window, but I don't really remember. I was talking to some dark-haired guy... he had blue eyes. I think they were blue. They may have been green or lightish hazel. The lighting in there was too poor. I don't remember the conversation.

And then, I had this dream that I lived in a house out in the middle of nowhere, or something. I was talking to an older man for a little bit... there were some old ladies dressed up really nicely, I think there was a party or something? Then mom was out on the back porch, she had a very brightly colored parakeet... but our backyard flooded, and the parakeet fell into the water... I rescued it, and somehow revived it with CPR. Then suddenly, all of the water was gone, and the yard was dry, only there was a HUMONGOUS bear coming into the yard, we were afraid it would try and get into the house, and then the dream ended.

Then I started dozing off again, and as I was dozing off I dreamed that I was following 3 little cables, and when I found the source of one a voice said "Oh, dear..." and I woke up.