Dark Kikyo's Dream Journal

I had this dream this evening about cheating on my husband. We recently got married a month ago on the 12th, and his dream really disturbs me. The dream starts where I'm with my family and my husband at this Summerhome. There are a few other people there that are not related to my family, and I have no idea why they were there. We're standing outside talking about something when I see this little girl and her father. Something I was talking about caught his attention, and we start arguing because he thinks he knows more about the subject than I do. I start saying how I definitely know more about the subject because I've had three years of classes on it and since it's been a while since I've had the classes, I have had years and years of experience on the matter. He asked me if that is true, and when my mother backed me up he seemed impressed. We start getting along a lot better after this and his young daughter and I become quick friends. We hang out throughout the rest of the day and things keep happening that needed me to resolve them and he seems like he is becoming more and more impressed with me. Suddenly, he gets serious and asked if he can see me inside alone to talk with me. His daughters watching like she's really excited and knows what's going to happen, and I follow him out of curiosity wondering what's going on. We go into a room where he stops and admits to me that he is falling in love with me. I realize that I'm falling for him too, and he becomes very happy that he has finally found someone that he could be with after his wife passed away. That's when I realize something: I can't be with him because I am married. He can tell that I have become incredibly sad and asked me what's wrong. I show him the ring on my finger and tell him that I am married. He seems taken aback and becomes upset telling me that should not have let him on. I did nothing of the sort! I was hanging out with him with every intention of just being friends and he was the one he was interpreting something out of nothing. We go our separate ways, but I cannot take my mind off of him. I suddenly become very sad that I had to be married and cannot be with him and realize that I may like him more than my husband. This thought upsets me because I'm very deeply in love with my husband, and henceforth become very confused about everything. I start wondering to myself why me and this man can't have an affair? He seems much too honorable for something like that, but I keep wishing he will come to me and tell me that he wants that. I go back outside when my husband arrives From wherever he was beforehand. We walk around, hanging out, all the while realizing that the guy who likes me is watching me from a distance. I realize that the only reason I am hanging out with my husband is because I feel obligated to. We go into a room and start talking when the man enters because he needed to get something out of that room. My husband starts talking with him, because he's just one of those people that likes to be friends with everybody. The entire time me and this man are looking at each other with heavy intensity and I suddenly send my husband out of the room to get something for me that I know will take him a while to get. As soon as he leaves, the man and I start making out until my husband returns. He said he could not find what I wanted and continues the conversation with the man. I start talking to my husband to distract him from the looks that I'm giving the man which indicate that I want him and me to have an affair. The man nods and I realize that it would be hard because we live so far apart but it can still be done, and I get him to give me his number without my husband knowing. I feel incredibly rotten about everything thats been going on and the arguments with myself inside my head never seem to cease. suddenly, my husband wants to go to the park and the other guy asks to come along, so we take separate cars and start driving to the park. When we get there we meet an old dream ex of mine. She keeps talking about her lingering feelings for me and the only thing I have to say to her is I don't know who you are over and over again. My husband is becoming upset that she's there when suddenly she sees the look that the man is giving me. She asks me if the man and I are seeing each other, and of course I deny it, but she keeps insisting so intently that finally everything becomes revealed. She gets upset and leaves and I realize that my husband now knows everything. I am so ashamed of myself that I can't even turn to look at him, but I know that he looks very betrayed. The man, seeing how I treated my ex so badly, decides that he doesn't want anything to do with me. So him and my husband get into their cars and leave me stranded at the park. I don't know how I got back, because I'm suddenly back at the Summerhome, but I got the feeling my mom picked me up. I am incredibly upset realizing how much of an idiot I was and that the only reason I wanted to be with the man was because I wanted to be a mother to his daughter and felt sorry for her being so young to have lost her mother, and that I should never have tried to cheat on my husband, when I see his mother sitting down against the wall looking at an iPad. I ask her if she knows where he is and my mom says that he went to one of my old hometowns and is going to live with another woman who has the same name as me. I ask if he is going to be involved with her and she says no, the woman already has a boyfriend. I feel relieved but then I suddenly become very intent on getting a hold of him and ask his mother if she has had any progress finding him. She says not yet and I start freaking out, screaming find him! She smiles and says that she has found a number that she believes is his and calls it, handing me the phone. Somebody answers and I realize that it is him. I say his name and he suddenly becomes very hurt sounding and says he does not want to talk to me. The rest of the dream is me begging him over the phone to forgive me and trying to explain to him the situation, when I wake up. I become incredibly relieved that it was all a dream, but this really confuses me because I know I would never ever do this in real life and I'm wondering why I had this dream.