WhyAmINaked

I'm in a bombed-out bus that's been converted into a trolley that is currently being used as a taxi cab in what looks like 60's-era Vietnam in Full Metal Jacket. I'm having a lot of trouble communicating with the other passenger seated across from me that I don't understand Vietnamese. But I happen to speak Taiwanese, and by Dream Logic, I realize that the two languages are only two steps removed from each other, and are close enough that we are now able to have a conversation. This sequence fades before we can talk, though.

Now I'm hanging around my actual house. I'm watching an NBA game while also playing a video game on my tablet. I focus on the TV, and I recognize LeBron James (Heat), Vince Carter (Raptors), Yao Ming (Rockets -- I'm not watching an All-Star game, and yes, the timing is off, for those who follow sports); and when an on-screen "who's on the court now" graphic flashes, one of the forwards is Bob Odenkirk from Mr. Show. Yes, Saul Goodman is somehow holding his own against a bunch of NBA superstars from the 2000's. I will pay money to watch this happen in real life.

I focus on my tablet, and the game I'm playing is World of Warcraft-esque, but now that I focus on the game, I'm transported into the game as an actual character. I'm in a dungeon, a lot like DOS-era Prince of Persia with a lot of stairs winding up in right angles. There is a platform in the middle that holds the sacred... Block of Cheese. Um.

ANYWAYS, a rival wizard is nearby, and I have to prevent him from getting to that cheese before me. But he is more powerful than I am, and in a bid to stall for time, I taunt him and engage him into a belching contest. Just for the record, I am not this crass in person. I briefly turn into Eric Cartman for this contest. I burp a poisonous green gas, while the other wizard burps fire. When our burps collide, it causes an explosion. We keep one-upping each other until finally, the wizard gets really frustrated (I think it's because he's had enough of such childish antics. I know I would've been). Instead of going after the cheese, he teleports next to me, fully intent on destroying me. It's at this time that I got a good look at him, and he resembles Tim the Enchanter from Monty Python. He has his arms raised to annihilate me.

But ah ha! I'm not a wizard. I'm a goddamned Paladin, and as he realizes that he made a mistake of coming within melee range, I catch him in a sticky trap (mocking him in Cartman's voice again) and proceed to pummel him like a punching bag. At one point of my overly-violent behavior, I actually visualize me punching the punching bag in my gym, FPS style, and even pause so I can look at my movelist like I'm in Street Fighter. I wake up.

I'm the worst Paladin ever.