WhyAmINaked

Dream one is fuzzy at best, but I distinctively know that I'm searching for something for someone in an urban setting. It's pretty gray and humid, and it may be raining. I also remember that the buildings are a bit old and dirty, 12-15 stories tall, and set up in a "U" shape so that is has an overbearing feel. The streets are also dirty, and it's quite populated. Whatever I'm looking for is around here. That's about it.

Dream two took a 180 turn, and now I'm in a grassy field on the edge of a lush forest. This is a much more peaceful world, and I knew that the forest is home to magical creatures like elves and fairies and talking animals and whatnot. In fact, the color is very lush and vivid, and I feel like I'm in the opening of The Last Unicorn; the second I realize that, a wizard's familiar emerges from the top of the tree I'm standing under and fires a ball of fire out of its mouth at me. I jump out of the way, and I somehow know it did that to get my attention/is testing me/just being kind of a mischievous dick; I also know it's trying to troll me, so no use getting angry and what a dick. This familiar has a Halloween theme going on; it's a very dark, purplish cat, only it's really fluffy instead of slender. It's flying on little bat wings, wears an over-sized witch's hat, and its tail is coiled at right angles at the end so that it resembles a square candy cane. It also has a smug grin on its face; but then, all cats are smug.

ANYWAYS, this cat compliments me on dodging the acorn it tossed at me (we both knew you clearly shot a fireball! What a dick!), and tells me I should go see its master. My dwarf companion, who, okay, is suddenly just there now, and resembles the dwarves that give you food in Golden Axe, warns me not to go. He seems to be very antagonistic towards the cat, but I'm really excited to go anyways because I think I know who the wizard is. There's a long build up to get going, but the dream kind of fades.

I'm in a Star Wars setting for dream three. I'm assuming playing Tiny Star Wars most of the night had something to do with this. There's a grainy feel to the vibe, so I know I'm in original trilogy version, but there's a bit of prequel trilogy details in there as well -- I know Jedi are numerous, and I think I'm on Coruscant; though the setting looks more like the Death Star. I do not have Force powers, am not piloting an X-Wing, nor access to a lightsaber; so this was kind of a gyp. I am, however, on the side of the Rebels, and I'm sneaking from Stormtroopers.

Sully, remember how I said I don't have Force powers? I lied. Because in my efforts to remain unseen, I am suddenly able to jump ridiculous heights and scale walls while defying physics and gravity, and Dream Knowledge tells me I did all these by holding the space bar like I'm playing Jedi Outcast. The Stormtroopers know I'm nearby, but they just can't seem to get a bead on me. I wake up before anything else happens though.

I'm in a bombed-out bus that's been converted into a trolley that is currently being used as a taxi cab in what looks like 60's-era Vietnam in Full Metal Jacket. I'm having a lot of trouble communicating with the other passenger seated across from me that I don't understand Vietnamese. But I happen to speak Taiwanese, and by Dream Logic, I realize that the two languages are only two steps removed from each other, and are close enough that we are now able to have a conversation. This sequence fades before we can talk, though.

Now I'm hanging around my actual house. I'm watching an NBA game while also playing a video game on my tablet. I focus on the TV, and I recognize LeBron James (Heat), Vince Carter (Raptors), Yao Ming (Rockets -- I'm not watching an All-Star game, and yes, the timing is off, for those who follow sports); and when an on-screen "who's on the court now" graphic flashes, one of the forwards is Bob Odenkirk from Mr. Show. Yes, Saul Goodman is somehow holding his own against a bunch of NBA superstars from the 2000's. I will pay money to watch this happen in real life.

I focus on my tablet, and the game I'm playing is World of Warcraft-esque, but now that I focus on the game, I'm transported into the game as an actual character. I'm in a dungeon, a lot like DOS-era Prince of Persia with a lot of stairs winding up in right angles. There is a platform in the middle that holds the sacred... Block of Cheese. Um.

ANYWAYS, a rival wizard is nearby, and I have to prevent him from getting to that cheese before me. But he is more powerful than I am, and in a bid to stall for time, I taunt him and engage him into a belching contest. Just for the record, I am not this crass in person. I briefly turn into Eric Cartman for this contest. I burp a poisonous green gas, while the other wizard burps fire. When our burps collide, it causes an explosion. We keep one-upping each other until finally, the wizard gets really frustrated (I think it's because he's had enough of such childish antics. I know I would've been). Instead of going after the cheese, he teleports next to me, fully intent on destroying me. It's at this time that I got a good look at him, and he resembles Tim the Enchanter from Monty Python. He has his arms raised to annihilate me.

But ah ha! I'm not a wizard. I'm a goddamned Paladin, and as he realizes that he made a mistake of coming within melee range, I catch him in a sticky trap (mocking him in Cartman's voice again) and proceed to pummel him like a punching bag. At one point of my overly-violent behavior, I actually visualize me punching the punching bag in my gym, FPS style, and even pause so I can look at my movelist like I'm in Street Fighter. I wake up.

I'm the worst Paladin ever.